Previous iterations of this column have suggested that The Bachelor is a terrible primer for dating or relationships or anything other than how quickly Stockholm Syndrome kicks in – but the show gave a masterclass in the importance in knowing how to date smart when it sent one of the favourite contestants packing.
If you’ve missed it and want to avoid spoilers then… well, you clicked on this thing, you knew the risks.
At the end of the episode, Elly was sent off the show. Sweet, sweet Elly, the nurse whose only crime was maybe caring too much, the one the other contestants had seemingly resigned themselves to being beaten by, was given the heave-ho.
The context was that she had spent her hard-won date with Matt Agnew warning him about another one of the girls, and then boom, no rose. Sweet, sweet Elly! But she was trying to help!
So why was that a good lesson?
Here’s what dating is about, in a nutshell: demonstrating good judgement. You’re presenting your best, most fun self and if you’re hoping for a relationship with the person you’re dating then the job is effectively to convince them “hey! Your life will be enhanced by my presence in it!”
So, chaps, that thing that so many of you complain about – how women are just looking for superficial things like “an ironed shirt” or “smelling like you’ve washed” or “not being visibly drunk” – you’re missing the point. It’s not just those thing: it’s also what it represents.
If you appear to be confused by the relatively straightforward expectations and rituals of going out on a human date, how the hell are you going to deal with the myriad complexities of a long term relationship?
Why is this important? Let’s pop back to Elly: Sweet, sweet Elly. Who only wanted to help Matt by telling the truth about Abbie.
First up, we’ve already seen what happens when people tell him The Truth About Abbie: they get de-rosed. The fates of Monique and Sorgand have made that very, very clear.
And it’s not a Bachelor-specific lesson either. If someone spends the entire date with someone complaining about how someone else is a jerk then what are they going to bring to the table when they’re not on their best behaviour? It isn’t smart to make a date all about an absent third person, especially one that sucks.
For the record, telling someone that a person they like is a terrible jerk is rarely welcome. But if you’re feeling competitive with that person – when you’re both on a televised dating show, let’s say – then your best strategy is simply to be the better choice as though that person doesn’t even exist. It’s the first rule of good filmmaking: show, don’t tell.
Also, speaking of showing and truth, there was a moment there when the camera caught Matt’s glasses being held up before a light source. Specifically, this moment:
…and for those of us who know glasses whoa, that was some serious light-bending. In fact, despite Matt’s astrophysics background, that was the most hardcore physics we’ve seen on The Bachelor so far.
So anyone thinking those specs are an I’m A Scientist-style affectation, nup: those are some serious lenses. Maybe he should consider laser work?