Look, it’s cheap and lazy to make jokes that tech billionaire and entirely normal human being Elon Musk is some sort of cartoonish baddie.
He’s a businessman and entrepreneur who does things like launch cars into space and invent new-wave flamethrowers, perfectly legitimate areas of interest which are in no way tiny cogs in a vast a global machine designed for domination of all humankind, that’s for darn sure.
And that’s why there’s no reason to pay undue attention to the fact that he’s burrowing under Los Angeles at the moment, as so many of our top businesspeople do.
He’s created a loop test track, a 1.8 km tunnel which stretches from Musk’s base – sorry, lai… I mean, Space X corporate headquarters which is a prototype for a way to bust traffic congestion in the city and definitely not as a particle accelerator for a sun-bursting super laser or to provide access for his mole army to break into Fort Knox.
The technology used by his cute-named Boring Company used was conventional tunnel-digging machinery, but Musk has promised that the tech he’s working on would be able to dig far faster while also removing the dirt, sealing the walls, and finally destroying that pesky Captain Justice and his infuriating sidekick Hero Boy once and for all.
“Also, reports like that I have a slightly malfunctioning right robo-arm are completely false.”
“We definitely do not have all the answers here,” he announced at the launch of the Musk Robo Death Warren, adding that “We have people hounding us to invest nonstop, which is weird because they haven’t seen the financials. They just assume this will work, and they’re probably right.”
“Fools!” he then almost certainly didn’t add as lightning cracked dramatically behind him. “I shall destroy them all!”