Well, we finally have a definitive answer for the old question “do video games create real life violence?” and it is yes. Provided, that is, that you’re talking about geese because they are bringing unshackled beaky violence to the streets of London even as you read this.
You’re hopefully aware that Untitled Goose Game on the Nintendo Switch has become the cult gaming hit of 2019. And why wouldn’t it, since it offers players the opportunity to live la vida gosling by embracing their inner aggressive feathered jerk?
But is is a mere coincidence that this game should appear and then suddenly there’s a wave of geese carrying out carjackings? No. No, it is not.
OK, by “wave” we mean “one”. And by “carjackings” we mean “UK taxi damage and befoulment”.
Yes, a goose flew into a taxi, smashing the window in the process, and then proceeded to crap all over the interior while puny humans went “how do we coax an angry goose from this vehicle, and also is it better to keep it caged inside the car rather than have it go full-goose upon the broader Radford Road district?”
Basically, it’s the same question humanity had about the Hulk, only more serious because it’s a goose and not a pretendy green monster-man. Geese are all too real, and pure evil – as anyone that has been near a pond while carrying bread can attest.
The goose was taken to the vet after its rampage but there’s no report yet on whether it’s OK. In fact, things have been suspiciously quiet from the vets ever since the goose was taken there. Almost… almost too quiet. As though the goose has exacted a terrible vengeance on the vet and is OH DEAR GOD THE HONKING IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING!
Anyway: the important lesson here is that the geese has decided to stop mucking around, and also that we need to ban all video games forever. Won’t someone think of the taxis?