The history of singles released for the World Cup is a cavalcade of godawful music – show me someone that holds that New Order’s ‘World In Motion’ is their creative highlight and I’ll show you a liar that needs to be taught an abrupt lesson in pain – and thus it was welcome news that there was not going to be one for the English side this year, in what we assume is an accurate assessment of the likelihood of anyone singing it in victory.
However, into this vacuum has stepped an unholy triumvirate of a betting agency, a fading pop star and a disco classic about Tsarist Russia.
Now you might justifiably ask what this song has to do with England, soccer or the relevance of Kaiser Chiefs’ frontman Ricky Wilson.
After all, the song celebrates the life of Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin, the mysteriously influential advisor to Tsar Nicholas II and covers his supposed irresistability to women as Russia’s Greatest Love Machine, the multiple failed attempts on his life, and his outsized political influence. As the song makes clear, in all affairs of state he was the man to please – but he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze.
Anyway: since the event is being held in Russia, BetStars have paid Wilson and former English cricket captain Freddie Flintoff to remake the song as a celebration of British football, viz: “Ha-rry, Harry Kane, England’s greatest goal machine”. Which doesn’t even rhyme.
A teaser for their new “rebooted” version is below, and it’s exactly as sub-karaoke awful as you’d expect. You have been warned.
Still, there’s one thing that lovers of Russian revolutionary history and the beautiful game can all agree upon with regards Rasputin and, for that matter, the folks behind this: truly, it was a shame how they carried on.