You have to feel for The Bachelor and what they would have reasonably thought was going to be a thumping great scandal as the competitor-shedding really ramps up.
What should really have been the big twist – that Rachael was kicked out of the show early for giving her number to a member of the crew, referred to as “Plan B” – was rather ruined by the fact that a) it leaked early and b) her pledge of Instagram love for fellow evictee Vakoo, and steamy public pash pix, was far more interesting in any case.
Watching her being escorted to the car, blithely giving not the slightest of damns and dropping a parting “you [bleeping] dogs” to the rest of her castmates, was nowhere near as exciting as it should have been thanks to her own big Instagram reveal before this episode.
Not quite the c-dog insult that Monique supposedly dropped but it’s great to see such variety of dog-themed swearing on Australian television.
And then she repeated it on Studio 10 this morning, just in case live TV needed a little bit of f-work of the morning.
And thus the great loss of the episode was actually Nikki, she of the expressive face and reliable reaction shots.
Obviously she wasn’t going anywhere near victory, having never had a one on one date while Matt’s many crushes on her co-habitants are only getting stronger.
But it’s still a real shame that she’s out of the show, not least because it leaves the entire job of telegraphing the audience what emotion they should be feeling to Mary. Who, to be fair, is absolutely up for it.
But what else happened? Spoiler: fire and gravity!
Date tip: it’s not Double Dare
A good partner should be up for trying new things and be game for a bit of adventure. That, however, doesn’t necessitate physical challenges like jumping out of planes or waving fire around.
The fire dancing single date with Elly reeked of running out of ideas, since not even Matt could come up with a metaphor for how waving firesticks about was like a relationship. Not even something hacky like “passion is a flame, but a good relationship controls it and neither lets it be extinguished nor be burned”.
See Matt? IT’S NOT DIFFICULT.
For the group date there was a lumpy metaphor about baggage, with the five ladies writing their greatest relationship fears on suitcases, and then jumping out of a plane because sure, why not?
And Kristen ended up getting a rose because she was openly terrified of leaping from a plane, but didn’t feel she could advocate for her own best interests in the moment. Yay?
There’s not much dead wood left, though. The Bachelor’s woman-shedding it about to get brutal.
Llamawatch: Oh, turns out they’re not llamas.
No appearance this episode, but apparently they’re alpacas in any case.
Their inclusion in the show still doesn’t make obvious sense, mind, but accurate nomenclature is important.
Whether they’re actually f-in’ alpacas could not be ascertained at press time.