It’s been a big day for… Listening to...

0:00 10:23

It’s been a big day for… Listening to...

The New Terminator Film Is Purely FanFic And Edward Furlong Proves It

Will no-one think of the feelings of both fans of Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines?

The Terminator franchise had already strangled itself with its own time-travelling inconsistencies by the time Terminator: Genysis slouched into theatres and the passionate indifference of audiences.

And this it was no great surprise when the announcement of Terminator: Dark Fate arrived with the news that yeah, actually it turns out that there were no films or TV series’ after 1991’s Terminator 2: Judgment Day and you just imagined them.

“I was in a Terminator film, Steve. It happened! Why won’t you believe me?”

Along with this cinematic gaslighting, it had already been announced that Linda Hamilton was returning to the franchise, having last appeared in T2 (and which might have had something to do with her marriage to and subsequent acrimonious divorce from director James Cameron in 1999).

And everyone just assumed Arnold Schwarzenegger would be back because… well, that line, really.

You know, he should really say that line more often, over and over, in every single thing he’s in regardless of whether it makes a blind bit of sense.

But it turns out they’re really committed to getting the old band back together.

At Comic Con the announcement was made that the new film would be R rated, like its predecessors, and that Edward Furlong would be returning as the all-grown-up John Connor.

If only a robot from the future could have let him know what was in store…

Furlong was the breakout performance of the second film and became a huge child star, and you already know what that story means: a brief amazing career followed by a chequered few decades of legal and chemical issues because fame is a monster that devours its young.

Anyway: it’s a new Terminator film, everyone’s old, and Emilia Clarke was never Sarah Connor. Everyone up to date now?

No word yet on whether Robert Patrick will be back as the liquid metal Terminator thing but… look, what else is he doing these days?

“What, you didn’t see me in that episode of Sons of Anarchy?”