Bleats

Soulja Boy Released His Own Video Game Consoles For Some Reason And It's Even Worse Than You Think

It looks like an over-priced emulator he built in his garage.

Here’s a name you probably haven’t heard of in a while: Soulja Boy.

After hitting his pop-culture zenith way back in 2007 when he dropped his No.1 charting single “Crank That (Soulja Boy)”, the rapper slowly faded from “hottest thing in the world” to spruiking dragon dildos (that turned out to be part of some scam). Yeah.

Well it seems like the dragon dildo business wasn’t as lucrative as he thought and ol’ mate has decided to branch out into video games instead.

But seeing as how streaming on Twitch is something that’s dominated by Ninja and Drake Fortnite streams, Soulja Boy decided to jump the middle man and release his very own video game consoles instead: the self-branded SouljaGame Console and the SouljaGame Handheld.

And folks, the consoles look baaaaad.

https://twitter.com/souljaboy/status/1070451192508047362

Both the console and handheld look like he took the video game designs from 2007 and cobbled them together in his garage. Hell, the handheld looks just like a bigger version of 2005’s Game Boy Micro.

But the consoles are not only ugly, they’re also sketchy AF.

The listings state that the consoles are manufactured by Chinese company Anbernic, who happen to make the exact same consoles as what Soulja Boy is selling but without ol’ mate’s custom stylings and at a fraction of the cost (SouljaGame Console is going for USD$150 while the handheld is USD$100).

That’s not even the sketchiest part of Soulja’s new endeavour.

The SouljaGame Console is touted as running “PS/NEOGEO/PC/SEGA/GBA/NES Video Games” and coming with 800 preinstalled games, while the SouljaGame Handheld says it supports “Switch/3DS/Vita/NEOGEO/GBC/Gameboy/GBA” and comes with 3,000 built-in games.

Nintendo Switch and 3DS games?

Hmmm, that sounds less of a console and more of an emulator, bro.

Very sketchy.

So not only is Soulja Boy just selling expensive emulators, he could also find himself in some kind of legal hole given how Nintendo is really cracking down on video game piracy lately.

Having said all that, the GOAT team haven’t gotten its hands on these consoles to verify all the advertised claims, and we probably won’t either given how stupidly expensive they are.

We have to give props to Soulja Boy for his entrepreneurial spirit, but if you want to drop money on an emulator that plays retro games, you’re better off getting legal classic mini-consoles from Sony and Nintendo instead.

Killing The KKK In Red Dead Redemption 2 Is A Good Thing So Please Enjoy Watching A KKK Leader Get Fed To A Grizzly Bear

It's like watching The Revenant but you can actually enjoy it without looking away.

It is no secret that the GOAT team are big fans of Rockstar’s latest masterpiece, Red Dead Redemption 2.

From weird flying horses to a fishing mini-game that will eat up all your spare hours, RDR2 isn’t just a game, it is essentially a life simulation cranked up to 110% that just happens to be set in the old west.

Hell, there’s even a mission where the whole aim is to get drunk with your buddy.

But in a game filled with more highlights than an early 2000s boy band, I just stumbled across what might be its biggest “hell yes” moment: feeding a KKK leader to a grizzly bear.

For those who are unaware, you can randomly come across a posse of dimwitted KKK members trying to burn a cross (and failing) in RDR2 and you can kill them without any loss of honour or in-game consequence.

Since RDR2 is also a game where you can hunt down anything from rabbits and beavers to cougars and bears, some genius decided to get a little creative by capturing a KKK leader and setting a grizzly bear loose upon them.

It is exactly as crazy as you think it is.

From tracking down the group of KKK idiots and hogtying up the leader to finding an actual grizzly bear and watching it go ham on ol’ mate, it’s like watching The Revenant but you’ll be fist pumping the whole way instead of looking away.

The only explanation we can think of in regards to Fortnite beating RDR2 to Game of the Year at the recent Golden Joystick Awards is that the judges had no idea you could make a RDR2 KKK leader role-play Leo DiCaprio’s role in The Revenant.

Combine this with the flying horses and getting stupidly drunk, we really don’t see any other argument for not handing all remaining Game of the Year trophies to Red Dead Redemption 2 right now.

Fallout 76 Is Officially Deemed Awful Which Means Fallout 5 Had Better Be Nothing Short Of Brilliant

No amount of cute Vault Boy animations can change the fact that FO76 is a mess and the wake up call Bethesda needed.

Among the many video games that have caught my eye over the years, the Fallout series occupies a very special spot in my cold heart.

From 1998’s Fallout to 2015’s Fallout 4, the series has offered up a mature and unique take on a post-apocalyptic world while being hilariously meta, game systems that are deep and well-realised yet easy to learn, and told several stories that are completely bonkers yet thematically rich (generally speaking).

However, it upsets me to say the general consensus about latest game in the series, Fallout 76, is that it is simply awful.

In trying to shoehorn a rich multiplayer experience into what’s traditionally been a single-player game only resulted in the worst of both worlds since it feels like Fallout 76 isn’t sure what it wants to be. And then there’s the whole technical side of things, which range from outdated graphics to long wait times, frequent server issues and more crashes than a 1970s F1 race.

And I’m not the only one who thinks that the game is a big miss for Bethesda and the Fallout series.

At the time of writing, Fallout 76 is sitting on a dismal score of around 50 on Metacritic (depending on the console), which is a far cry from the 87 of Fallout 4 and the 91 of 2008’s Fallout 3.

But rather than looking at this as a flop for Bethesda, I think we should look at Fallout 76 as the Stimpack shot in the arm that the studio needed in order to reinvigorate the series going forward.

Having successfully transitioned the Fallout series into the 3D era back in 2008 with Fallout 3, Bethesda decided to play the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” card for all subsequent entries to diminishing returns.

Yes there were graphical updates and minor gameplay tweaks (like the revamped VATS system for Fallout 4), but nothing on the scale that we saw from Fallout 2 to Fallout 3. Things started to get stale, fundamental problems were bandaided over with cheap solutions like customisation and building options, and the gameplay experience was virtually unchanged from entry to entry.

With the mixed reception to Fallout 76, perhaps it is time for Bethesda to throw out the established playbook and write a new one for the next Fallout game.

Had 76 been a success, we would be talking about something else. But the simple matter of fact is that the next game can’t just be “Fallout 5” or another cut of the same cloth without risking more damage to the brand.

It needs to be a triumphant comeback in order recapture people’s attention in the same way Bethesda did when it reinvented the wheel with 2008’s Fallout 3.

Given how Bethesda’s next projects are the mysterious Starfield followed by The Elder Scrolls VI76 is going to be the studio’s last Fallout game for quite some time and that’s almost certainly a good thing.

Give the series a bit of a break, recharge the creative batteries, and hopefully the next game will revamp the series once again.

War may never change but here’s hoping that the future of Fallout will.

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