Bleats

Riverdale Is Getting A Musical Spinoff So That We Never Run Out Of Trashy TV

Somehow, Riverdale prevails.

In spite of a few rough seasons of some incredibly low-calibre drama, there are in fact a lot of people still watching Riverdale. Levitating babies and impromptu juvenile detention centre musical performances aside, this show sparks joy for a lot of viewers. They find love in a hopeless place, if you will, and now there’s more content coming to satisfy those trashy TV needs.

Yep, Riverdale is getting a spinoff. Technically, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is a spinoff, but this one is dealing with characters that are actually from the Archie Comic Universe.

 

The CW is bringing us the new Riverdale-flavoured drama, along with teen show mastermind Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa and Michael Grassi, so expect more of the same kind of viewing experience. This is going to be a musical series based on ACU favourite Katy Keene – a model, actress, and singer in the comic series, who is aspiring to make it as a fashion designer in New York City. 

So it sounds kind of like Glee when Rachel moves to New York, except Katy is brining three of her ACU mates with her to keep her company.

If you’re into Riverdale and Glee, this sounds like the kind of show you can add to your ‘mindlessly watch’ playlist.

 

The Riverdale Teens Look Eerily Like Their TV Parents Did Back In The Day In The Flashback Episode

Points for attention to detail.

While we’re still only up to episode three of Riverdale’s wild new season, the hype for the upcoming flashback episode is too real.

We know that in episode four ‘The Midnight Club’, we’ll get to have a better look at the back stories of Fred, Alice, FP, Hermione and the whole parent gang, via their TV kids playing them as teens. So it’s all the hot teens playing their hot parents, in full 80’s gear. 

The episode is meant to be some kind of dark version of The Breakfast Club, but honestly the eeriest thing is how closely the actors resemble the actual younger-versions of their TV parents.

I mean damn. Casting on point.

The best look-alike and in my opinion the best glow up is Betty Cooper (Lili Reinhart) with a ‘bad girl’ makeover.

Betty Cooper as Alice Cooper

It is almost TOO perfect.

Madchen Amick as Shelly Johnson in Twin Peaks, 1990.

Jughead Jones (Cole Sprouse) is honestly nailing the young FP/Skeet Ulrich aesthetic. Further proof that Jug absolutely must lose the beanie, please.

Jughead as FP Jones

Oh Skeet, you could get it then and you could absolutely get it now.

Skeet Ulrich in Scream, 1996.

I feel like they had some fun with making Archie (KJ Apa) look so much like he’s recreating Luke Perry’s iconic 90210 role.

Archie as Fred Andrews

Because it is so spot on.

Luke Perry

Kevin (Casey Cott) kind of looks the same except is hair is quaffed.

Kevin as his hot Sheriff dad (Tom Keller)

But it’s the same quaff that young Martin Cummins rocked so it’s pretty accurate.

Martin Cummins in Poltergeist: The Legacy, 1998

Veronica (Camila Mendes) as young Hermione looks like she is a private school girl who accidentally stumbled into a public school and doesn’t know what to do now.

Veronica as Hermione Lodge.

But she really does look like a young Marisol Nichols, and we assume the plot will have some kind of explanation for the school girl outfit.

Marisol Nichols, 2001, Photo by Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImage

Cheryl looks so damn cute, as per usual.

Cheryl as Penelope Blossom.

Just like Mama Blossom (Nathalie Boltt).

Nathalie Boltt in Isidingo, 1998.

And of course there’s Josie (Ashleigh Murray), who is absolutely rocking this era.

Josie as Sierra McCoy.

Like mother like daughter because Robin Givens also rocked the 80’s

Robin Givens, 1986, Photo by Walter McBride/Corbis.

The flashback Riverdale episode drops on Netflix on November 8 so get ready for all of these glorious glow ups and a healthy dose of drama. Riverdale’s specialty.

Nothing Captures How Horny Teens Are Quite Like These Riverdale Cheerleaders Giving A Bootleg Elvis Performance At The Local Jail

Juvenile Detention looks deceptively fun.

Riverdale is determined to be a show known for two things: it’s ‘dark’, and it’s ‘sexy’. Think Betty’s ‘Mad World’ strip tease. Think Archie’s gang of masked-but-shirtless vigilantes. At it’s core, it’s a bunch of horny teens (and their hot parents) running around in a sinister town being totally extra.

But ever since Riverdale added ‘musical’ to its list of attributes, the balance has been thrown off. That’s the only way we can explain this ‘Jailhouse Rock’ music video. The clip from next week’s episode is horniness out of hand at the local Detention Centre.

 

In a show that loves doom and gloom, you would think Archie going to Juvenile Detention would be morbid as hell, but instead they’ve gone full Crybaby and the lust hormones are outshining every other aspect of plot and possibility on the show.

Juvenile Detention looks more like an all-boys private school yard than anything else, and this bootleg Elvis performance feels born out of a teen boy’s semi-pornographic fantasy.

What’s really weird is that the prisoners are going absolutely WILD for the cheerleader’s sultry performance (go girls), and look like they’re about to pull down the fencing around the jail…

…Until they start playing football??? The ladies are still dancing guys what are you doing? Pay attention? Have some respect???

Apparently Archie has his reasons for starting a ball game in the middle of his girlfriend’s performance, but I’m honestly surprised he could look away from this bizarre and sexually charged encounter for even a second. Riverdale, you keep doing you.

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