Riverdale is determined to be a show known for two things: it’s ‘dark’, and it’s ‘sexy’. Think Betty’s ‘Mad World’ strip tease. Think Archie’s gang of masked-but-shirtless vigilantes. At it’s core, it’s a bunch of horny teens (and their hot parents) running around in a sinister town being totally extra.
But ever since Riverdale added ‘musical’ to its list of attributes, the balance has been thrown off. That’s the only way we can explain this ‘Jailhouse Rock’ music video. The clip from next week’s episode is horniness out of hand at the local Detention Centre.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9keO4WM5bOo
In a show that loves doom and gloom, you would think Archie going to Juvenile Detention would be morbid as hell, but instead they’ve gone full Crybaby and the lust hormones are outshining every other aspect of plot and possibility on the show.
Juvenile Detention looks more like an all-boys private school yard than anything else, and this bootleg Elvis performance feels born out of a teen boy’s semi-pornographic fantasy.
What’s really weird is that the prisoners are going absolutely WILD for the cheerleader’s sultry performance (go girls), and look like they’re about to pull down the fencing around the jail…
…Until they start playing football??? The ladies are still dancing guys what are you doing? Pay attention? Have some respect???
Apparently Archie has his reasons for starting a ball game in the middle of his girlfriend’s performance, but I’m honestly surprised he could look away from this bizarre and sexually charged encounter for even a second. Riverdale, you keep doing you.