Bleats

Spare A Thought For This Guy Who Legit Thinks Oral Sex Caused COVID-19

"They transfer all kinds of chemicals."

The longer the coronavirus pandemic continues, the more bad takes we’re getting on it. There’s the 5G conspiracies, the racist hot takes, and the flat out deadly advice. Now, I don’t want to speak too soon because humans are nuts, but I think there’s a good change we’ve peaked when it comes to dumb things said about the pandemic. Enter a 90yr old dude named Pat Robinson, who reckons oral sex is the reason we have COVID-19. Hear all the details below:

In fairness, Pat Robinson is the sort of dude who has had a lot of bad takes in his life. He’s one of those very particular Americans: a televangelist, political commentator, former Republican presidential candidate, and former Southern Baptist minister. He’s also super rich.

Giggity.

Anyway, he’s cracked the case on COVID-19! Oral sex, but specifically oral sex with women, has transferred chemicals from vaginas and out into the open. He knows this because oral sex is a brand new phenomenon, and nobody ever did that when he was growing up, no sir. 

In fairness, poor old Pat Robinson doesn’t seem to know a lot about vaginas. You know that quote, that feminism is a “socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.” Yeah, that quote came from this guy.

So while the rest of the world gets to work on flattening the curve and beating coronavirus through social distancing and actual science, spare a thought for anybody with a vagina who has ever come in contact with Pat Robinson. Clearly it’s all their fault, with the whole oral sex chemicals giving us COVID-19 thing, and boy howdy are they probably going to have to hear all about it.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

There's A Criminal Investigation Into The Ruby Princess After 10 COVID-19 Deaths

Just over 10% of Australia's cases are connected to the Ruby Princess.

On March 19th, The Ruby Princess cruise ship let 2,700 passengers off the boat and into Sydney’s Circular Quay. A number of passengers have since tested positive to COVID-19, prompting a lot of questions about why the ship was allowed to let people off in the first place. Today, NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller has announced that there will be a criminal investigation into what happened with the Ruby Princess. 

Since March 19th, 622 of the passengers aboard the Ruby Princess have tested positive to COVID-19, and ten of those passengers have died of it. 342 of the people who tested positive are residents of New South Wales, the state which has the most amount of positive cases. There are 250 Ruby Princess crew members also awaiting test results.

As of 6am Sunday morning, there are 5,635 confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Australia, meaning that just over 10% of Australia’s cases are connected to the Ruby Princess cruise ship.

Keep up to date with what Coronavirus has cancelled with the GOAT Team…

The move from a regular investigation – which had been announced on Friday – to a criminal investigation into the Ruby Princess is a big deal. It means that the investigation is now looking to find out whether or not a crime took place, and if a person or company is found to have committed a crime then there could be harsh consequences for those involved. 

NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller said that all the information they had so far would be handed to the homicide squad on Monday.

In March, Border Force ordered all cruise ships in Australian waters to leave before June 15, and last night three more cruise ships left the country. Two of those ships had confirmed cases of COVID-19 on board.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

DIY Coronavirus Test Kits Are Seriously Not The Solution RN

The government is busy shutting it down.

DIY is a great activity to get through isolation, it’s fun and it keeps you busy while using your brain. There are some things that are better to DIY than others, though. Making matching friendship bracelets for you and your dog? Fantastic idea. DIYing an at home coronavirus test kit? Terrible idea.

Peter Dutton has announced this morning that the Home Affairs Department and Border Force have been busy recently, and not just with hunting down grocery hoarders. Turns out they have intercepted a lot of dodgy coronavirus products, including test kits, over the last few weeks.

If you’re stuck on what to do during quarantine, let the GOAT Team take you through some ideas…

The biggest individual seizure was of 200 home meade testing kits arriving in Perth on March 16, but packages of 50 kits and 39 kits had also been taken.

Peter Dutton said that the kits are not only inaccurate, but potentially dangerous.

“Inaccurate results could prevent people from seeking the medical help they need, or alternatively, discourage people who should be self-isolating from doing so,” he said.

“The Therapeutic Goods Administration has ruled the tests kits as unapproved medical devices. These are risks the Australian community simply can’t afford to be taking at this critical time.”

“The only approved tests for COVID-19 in Australia currently are laboratory based tests or tests that can be used by health professionals at the point of care such as in hospitals or clinics.”

Basically, you don’t want to be doing this yourself.

If you want to get tested for COVID-19, you can access the government helpline, or call ahead to your GP to book an appointment to be tested. Your symptoms, any travel history, and any recent contact you have had with someone who has COVID-19 will come in to play here. 

No matter what though, go through the Australian health system and not through a DIY kit. A wrong result just isn’t worth it.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

Pop-up Channel

Follow Us