Bleats

NYC's Government Has Released A Sex Guide With Approved Covid-19 Hook-Ups

"You are your safest sex partner"

In news that’s about as awkward as your eighth grade SexEd experience, but a hell of a lot more entertaining, New York City Health has officially released a guide to sexy times in the age of COVID-19.

While that might be surprising to hear at first, just consider for a moment that people needed to be taught how to wash their hands not so long ago… so, it’s probably not the worst idea.

New York state has been significantly impacted by the spread of Coronavirus, with 15,777 confirmed cases (at the time of writing). That is almost half of all the cases in the United States.

So, it makes sense that the New York City government would be attempting to use every avenue to squash this thing. Including tips on doing the nasty.

And while Australia isn’t at the same level of severity, it can’t hurt to practice safer sex right now. So, we went through and pulled out all the most essential points for ya.

In the update that was circulated over the weekend, NYC Health stressed that “all New Yorkers should stay home and minimize contact with others to reduce the spread of COVID-19″.

But that there are ways to get it on safely if you wish to.

In a nutshell, it stated that it is not yet known if Coronavirus can be transmitted sexually. For that reason, the NYC health department recommends that you get down and dirty with ~yourself~ for the moment being.

“You are your safest sex partner,” the guide reads.

“Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex.”

Well, that’s way to pass the time while in isolation…

If you do want to have sex with other people, though, it’s recommended that you go with the people you live with.

An excuse to get to know your roommate better, perhaps?

“The next safest partner is someone you live with. Having close contact — including sex — with only a small circle of people helps prevent spreading COVID-19.”

The government stressed that hooking up with anyone outside of these groups is risky right now. So, it might be worth looking into digital options if your S.O (or whoever) isn’t in the same house as you right now.

It might not be ideal, but neither is getting a virus or passing it on to someone else.

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In the name of safety, the department drilled down further. They specified that it’s extra important that folks wash before and after ‘special time’, and pointed out that practising safe sex – with condoms and dental dams – is a good way to avoid contact with bodily fluids. (COVID-19 has been found in saliva and faeces).

And in case people weren’t yet aware, they stressed that folks should not be having sex if they feel unwell.

Naturally, the Internet is having a great time with this official update.

In a nutshell: you can hook up with people you live with but avoid doing so if anyone is at risk health-wise. Try not to exchange bodily fluids. And make sure you’re super clean. …Or just have sex with yourself.

Have fun, friends!

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Here’s Everything That’s Now Closed To Aussies Because We Can’t Make Good Decisions

“We don’t now have any confidence that people would refrain from gathering”

It’s become abundantly clear over the past few days (cough, #BondiGate, cough) that Australia has not taken the warnings to follow social-distancing practices seriously. And as a result, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has announced that more stringent restrictions and closures will be implemented across Australia in an attempt to force people to reduce the spread of coronavirus.

As news.com.au reports, the PM gave a statement on Sunday evening, revealing that this first stage of shutdowns will begin today, Monday 23rd March at 12pm.

During Sunday’s press conference, Mr Morrison did not mince words about the reason for these new closures:

“We don’t now have any confidence that people would refrain from gathering in those ways, in those pubs, clubs and nightclubs,” he said.

“We have no confidence that will be followed. So, unfortunately, because guidelines can’t be followed, then for public health reasons we now need to take further action which shuts those gatherings down.”

If you’re wondering what that means, allow us to offer a little more detail.

All bars, theatres, cinemas, casinos and nightclubs will close. Yes, that includes pubs. Hotels (in the context of accommodation, only) are allowed to remain open but must adopt more extensive hygiene practices.

Gyms and indoor sporting venues are also set to shut down due to coronavirus fears.

Religious gatherings, places of worship or funerals will need to adhere to strict social distancing limits (one person per four square metres).

Dining in restaurants or cafes is also no longer going to be an option. Mr Morrison pointed out, however, that home-delivery and takeaway options will remain available for food and alcohol venues.

Just be sure to follow social-distancing protocol if you’re heading out to pick up a coffee.

“Home deliveries, takeaway, all of these things will continue, as I know many of these catering businesses are already adjusting their business models in anticipation of things that they believed would potentially take place,” Mr Morrison said.

Australians were also updated on conditions for school-aged children over the weekend. For the moment, it’s been decided that schools will remain open. However, “Schools will be encouraged to provide access to online and distance learning” for those who choose not to send their children in.

Mr Morrison’s statement revealed:

“State Premiers and Chief Ministers agreed that schools will remain open through to the end of the current school terms to support students whose parents choose to send their children to school. Victoria’s school break will commence on Tuesday, 24th March 2020.

“All Leaders have committed to re-open schools at the end of the school break, subject to the advice of the Australian Health Principal Protection Committee.”

This first round of restrictions is estimated to last up to six months.

The PM mentioned several times that stage two of shutdowns and closures is in the works, should Australia continue to ignore safety advice and put fellow locals at risk.

His update comes after NSW was forced to close beaches in response to the inconsiderate behaviour of the hordes of people who flocked to the water despite very clear directions to avoid gatherings of over 500 people outdoors.

ABC News shares that several new cases of COVID-19 have been confirmed among backpackers in Bondi.

According to Johns Hopkins University, there are now over 1,300 cases in Australia.

In case it hasn’t been made clear enough already, let me put it plainly: stay at home.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

Apparently, Adding Your Uber Rating To Your Dating Profile Gets You More Dates

Yes, that says *more*.

It’s the end of the year, which means everyone is interested in wrap-up reports from every service they’ve ever used.

Your Spotify year in review is the perfect example of this. Sure, it’s kind of basic… but also, do you want to know who my top artist of the year was?

Probably not. Anyway, let’s move on.

Cosmopolitan magazine has compiled a bunch of stats from polls they took from readers, along with info from other sources, and they created a super-list of dating data (say that three times, fast) for 2019.

And some of the findings were shocking. To me, at least.

The prime example? Apparently, adding your Uber rating to your dating profile drives potential dates to respond to you 25 per cent faster. Meaning that no, it’s not generally seen as kind of weird to brag about being a polite car passenger. Quite the opposite, in fact.

The mag also shared that according to dating service Zoosk, having a photo that features a hamster increases the number of messages you’ll receive by 351 per cent. THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-ONE. Am I missing something?

In what world is a hamster better than a puppy?

Taking a peek at Zoosk for myself, I found that in 2019, Sunday has generally been the best day to get on the apps. Your likes (or swipes or whatever you want to call them) can jump up by 15 per cent, and messages by 17 per cent.

The team behind the dating service went on to share that the first Sunday of January is the most popular day of the year for app activity.

In more encouraging news, Zoosk also shared that being a nerd is a big win on dating apps.

Physics? Hot.
Credit: Warner Bros.

Reportedly, if you use the word ‘dork’ in your profile, you can get 74 per cent more messages. Using the word ‘nerd’ should boost chat by 7 per cent. But steer clear of the term ‘geek’; that one will decrease messages by 7 per cent.

All in all, what this has taught me that in 2019 people continued to be as confusing as ever.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

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