Bleats

Today In Trump Nonsense, We Should Lighten Up About Climate Change

Everything is fine.

Did you know that everything’s just fine and dandy? Oh, those massive bushfires? Nah ignore them, lighten up why don’t you! Well, It’s not our esteemed leader Scotty from Marketing that’s telling us to calm down about the climate this time, but rather Donald Trump.

Speaking to the World Economic Forum in Switzerland, Trump told us all to calm tf down and stop being such downers. 

Seriously…

“This is not a time for pessimism. This is a time for optimism. Fear and doubt is not a good thought process because this is a time for tremendous hope and joy and optimism and action.”

“But to embrace the possibilities of tomorrow, we must reject the perennial prophets of doom and their predictions of the apocalypse. They are the heirs of yesterday’s foolish fortune tellers.” Did I mention that Greta Thunberg was in the room during this speech? Cause she was, and she was way more composed than I would have been in her situation. 

Isn’t she always, though?

Yes, she is.

Anyway, Trump kept going. “These alarmists always demand the same thing: absolute power to dominate, transform and control every aspect of our lives. We will never let radical socialists destroy our economy, wreck our country or eradicate our liberty.”

“In America, we understand what the pessimists refuse to see: that a growing and vibrant market economy focused on the future lifts the human spirit and excites creativity strong enough to overcome any challenge.”

No idea, buddy

That’s great, except the economic arguments about climate change have been well established. The Australia Institute reckons we would save about $130 billion every year by avoiding a climate disaster.

If you’re struggling under the weight of climate anxiety, then rest easy in the knowledge that hey, “this is a time for optimism!” Unless that made it way worse, in which case, I’m so sorry.

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An Aussie Hero Has Created A Scomo-Inspired Game For Bushfire Relief

Say goodbye to the rest of your day.

I’m going to be honest with you, if you have important things to today, stop reading now. Learn from my mistakes because I’ve already lost a significant chunk of my day playing this godforsaken ScoMo Simulator game. 

To backtrack, I discovered ScoMo Simulator about an hour ago, and I’m obsessed. It’s made to look like an old school flash game, and it’s a little bit like Snake with way more political snark. 

This, but waaaaay more fire.

The idea is that you’re a floating picture of Scott Morrison with flowers on his head, and you’re constantly followed around by a trail of prayer hand emojis. You have to run over as many fires as possible to put them out, while avoiding fire trucks and collecting handshakes and cricket stumps. 

If you collect a handshake, you get put on a Hawaiian Airlines plane and get to zoom around with extra speed for a little bit, and the cricket stumps will put out all the fires around you. You lose if you hit a fire truck or get overrun by the sheer amount of fire.

The about section of the site brings up a pop up which reads:

“Made by an aussie. Please donate to RFS/WIRES if you can, revenue from these ads are going to these organizations. ScoMo is a joke.”

There’s also a donate button which takes you to the RFS donation page.

Back in 2015, Bronwyn Bishop got the boot after spending $5k of taxpayers money on a helicopter to take her 80kms. The scandal, affectionately called #ChopperGate, was everywhere.

That’s about as well as it worked out.

It also sparked a brilliant game – this one inspired by Flappy Bird (R.I.P.) – called Bronny Copter. Sadly the link to that game doesn’t work anymore, but here’s a video of how it worked.

So off you go, enjoy wasting the rest of your work day playing ScoMo Simulator, cause that’s absolutely, definitely not what I’ll be doing…

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

Scott Morrison Thinks Labor Came Up With 'Scotty From Marketing', Bless

Labor wish they could come up with something like that.

Politicians love to blame every other political party for all their problems (the Greens being at fault for the bushfires, anyone?) and poor old Scotty from Marketing is no different. This morning he went on Melbourne radio and blamed Labor for giving him the nickname Scotty from Marketing. There’s only one problem. They didn’t.

Chatting to 3AW’s Neil Mitchell, Scotty from Marketing was asked whether or not he found the nickname insulting, cause it’s sure as hell meant to be. Out of all the answers he could have given, this is what he went with:

“That’s what the Labor Party is saying and if others want to repeat those slogans, well, they’re basically just running a Labor Party campaign.”

Sadly for Scotty from Marketing, Labor could only dream of coming up with such a great line. It was actually treasured Australian institution The Betoota Advocate who first came up with the nickname.

The Betoota Advocate has been calling him Scotty from Marketing for months, referencing his career as the Managing Director of Tourism Australia before he got sacked from that gig and went into politics. He was in charge of Tourism Australia when they launched their “Where The Bloody Hell Are You?” campaign, which pissed off basically every country it was targeted towards.

The nickname had been floating around since early December, but took off once our esteemed leader decided he needed a Hawaiian holiday in the middle of a bushfire crisis. For a while there it was nearly impossible to log on to Twitter without being bombarded by the trending hashtags #ScottyFromMarketing and #WhereTheBloodyHellAreYou?

The radio host tried one more time to ask whether or not Scotty From Marketing was insulting, and our mate deflected as all good politicians do, instead going with “my focus is getting help to people who need it right now in the bushfires.”

We can only assume that in this case “help” is code for “piss weak handshakes.”

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

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