Bleats

Scott Morrison Thinks Labor Came Up With 'Scotty From Marketing', Bless

Labor wish they could come up with something like that.

Politicians love to blame every other political party for all their problems (the Greens being at fault for the bushfires, anyone?) and poor old Scotty from Marketing is no different. This morning he went on Melbourne radio and blamed Labor for giving him the nickname Scotty from Marketing. There’s only one problem. They didn’t.

Chatting to 3AW’s Neil Mitchell, Scotty from Marketing was asked whether or not he found the nickname insulting, cause it’s sure as hell meant to be. Out of all the answers he could have given, this is what he went with:

“That’s what the Labor Party is saying and if others want to repeat those slogans, well, they’re basically just running a Labor Party campaign.”

Sadly for Scotty from Marketing, Labor could only dream of coming up with such a great line. It was actually treasured Australian institution The Betoota Advocate who first came up with the nickname.

The Betoota Advocate has been calling him Scotty from Marketing for months, referencing his career as the Managing Director of Tourism Australia before he got sacked from that gig and went into politics. He was in charge of Tourism Australia when they launched their “Where The Bloody Hell Are You?” campaign, which pissed off basically every country it was targeted towards.

The nickname had been floating around since early December, but took off once our esteemed leader decided he needed a Hawaiian holiday in the middle of a bushfire crisis. For a while there it was nearly impossible to log on to Twitter without being bombarded by the trending hashtags #ScottyFromMarketing and #WhereTheBloodyHellAreYou?

The radio host tried one more time to ask whether or not Scotty From Marketing was insulting, and our mate deflected as all good politicians do, instead going with “my focus is getting help to people who need it right now in the bushfires.”

We can only assume that in this case “help” is code for “piss weak handshakes.”

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I Want Kim K’s Justice Reform Doco To Be Good, But I’m Skeptical

I have my reservations.

Kim Kardashian has dropped the trailer for her new documentary, “Kim Kardashian West: The Justice Project.” It’s about the mass incarceration problem in the USA, and is going to be absolutely everywhere when it comes out on April 5th. 

The documentary is two hours long and follows Kim K around as she gets involved in the cases of Dawn Jackson, Alexis Martin, Momolu Stewart and David Sheppard – all of who legal experts (and Kim) believe shouldn’t be in prison. Throughout the course of the documentary, Kim and her team visit friends and family of the people incarcerated, meet with lawyers, and lobby public officials to see if they can get any of the incarcerated people out of jail. 

Look, I want this documentary to be good. I do, I really do. Mass incarceration is a genuine problem in the United States (and Australia tbh), and the school to prison pipeline is a real and terrifying thing. They’re massive issues that deserve to be tackled, but I’ll be quietly worried until I see it for myself. 

Firstly, she’s gone to law school which is great! But she’s only completed a year, which doesn’t quite feel like enough to take on something of this enormity.

We also know she’s pretty preoccupied with looks, as anyone with that level of fame for being a beauty influencer would have to be. She photoshopped her kid into the Christmas card last year for god’s sake. I’ll admit I have quiet reservations about whether or not this is totally about freeing prisoners or about looking great in front of cameras. 

Mostly the thing that sits in the back of my mind is the amount of blackface scandals Kim has been involved with. I get the impression that she just doesn’t learn from them, and to then go ahead with making a documentary to address a systemic issue that predominantly affects black people, it just feels… ick. 

Maybe I’ll eat my words. Maybe Kim Kardashian’s documentary will be brilliant and really start a movement to fix a broken system. For now, I’m just a bit worried.

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Russia’s Answer To Libspil Is Putin Axing The Entire Government

"Not everything worked out."

Good grief, Russia doesn’t do anything by halves do they? In a move that pretty much nobody saw coming, the entire Russian Government just handed in their resignation and bounced. All of them. Every last one (except Putin, of course).

Live footage of the Russian Government

Here’s what’s happening.

Russia has both a President and a Prime Minister. Our old friend Vlad is the President that we all know and love for such shenanigans as posing shirtless for calendars, and interfering in the US election. Just normal leader things.

Their Prime Minister is a step below the President, and until today was a guy named Dmitry Medvedev. He’s been Russian’s Prime Minister since 2012, and before that he was actually President for four years as a placeholder for Vladimir Putin (who swapped into the Prime Minister position) because they have laws on how long a President can sit for. 

You know, democracy and all that jazz. 

This all kicked off when Vladimir Putin proposed some amendments to the Russian constitution that would make the Prime Minister’s position far more powerful while taking away some power from the President. On the surface it sounds like Putin is sharing power around which would be nice, but it’s probably not what it seems. 

The assumption is that Putin is getting ready for his Presidential term to be up in 2024, and is planning to swap back into the Prime Ministership and continue ruling from there.

After announcing these proposed reforms, Putin and Medvedev headed off to a meeting, which looked like this:

… and when they came out of the meeting, Medvedev and the entire government immediately threw in the towel. Turns out some of the ministers didn’t even know they were resigning until they were Medvedev announced it on TV.

Speaking to state media, Medvedev said “it’s obvious that we, as the government should provide the President of our country with the opportunity to make all the decisions necessary for this. And in these conditions, I believe that it would be right, in accordance with Section 117 of the constitution” to resign.

Putin thanked everyone in the Government before saying that “not everything worked out.” Do with that what you will.

That can’t be good

So what happens next? The current Russian constitution lets the President choose all deputies and ministers. Putin has already nominated a guy named Mikhail Mishustin for the Prime Ministership – he’s the head of the Federal Taxation Service, and has no political profile to speak of. Putin has also asked everyone in the Cabinet to keep working until he chooses replacements for them.

It’s all a very suspicious mess, and we don’t really know what’s going to happen. As for now, I’m eagerly awaiting Trump’s congratulatory tweet, cause I’m calling it now: there will be one.

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