Bleats

An Aussie Hero Has Created A Scomo-Inspired Game For Bushfire Relief

Say goodbye to the rest of your day.

I’m going to be honest with you, if you have important things to today, stop reading now. Learn from my mistakes because I’ve already lost a significant chunk of my day playing this godforsaken ScoMo Simulator game. 

To backtrack, I discovered ScoMo Simulator about an hour ago, and I’m obsessed. It’s made to look like an old school flash game, and it’s a little bit like Snake with way more political snark. 

This, but waaaaay more fire.

The idea is that you’re a floating picture of Scott Morrison with flowers on his head, and you’re constantly followed around by a trail of prayer hand emojis. You have to run over as many fires as possible to put them out, while avoiding fire trucks and collecting handshakes and cricket stumps. 

If you collect a handshake, you get put on a Hawaiian Airlines plane and get to zoom around with extra speed for a little bit, and the cricket stumps will put out all the fires around you. You lose if you hit a fire truck or get overrun by the sheer amount of fire.

The about section of the site brings up a pop up which reads:

“Made by an aussie. Please donate to RFS/WIRES if you can, revenue from these ads are going to these organizations. ScoMo is a joke.”

There’s also a donate button which takes you to the RFS donation page.

Back in 2015, Bronwyn Bishop got the boot after spending $5k of taxpayers money on a helicopter to take her 80kms. The scandal, affectionately called #ChopperGate, was everywhere.

That’s about as well as it worked out.

It also sparked a brilliant game – this one inspired by Flappy Bird (R.I.P.) – called Bronny Copter. Sadly the link to that game doesn’t work anymore, but here’s a video of how it worked.

So off you go, enjoy wasting the rest of your work day playing ScoMo Simulator, cause that’s absolutely, definitely not what I’ll be doing…

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Scott Morrison Thinks Labor Came Up With 'Scotty From Marketing', Bless

Labor wish they could come up with something like that.

Politicians love to blame every other political party for all their problems (the Greens being at fault for the bushfires, anyone?) and poor old Scotty from Marketing is no different. This morning he went on Melbourne radio and blamed Labor for giving him the nickname Scotty from Marketing. There’s only one problem. They didn’t.

Chatting to 3AW’s Neil Mitchell, Scotty from Marketing was asked whether or not he found the nickname insulting, cause it’s sure as hell meant to be. Out of all the answers he could have given, this is what he went with:

“That’s what the Labor Party is saying and if others want to repeat those slogans, well, they’re basically just running a Labor Party campaign.”

Sadly for Scotty from Marketing, Labor could only dream of coming up with such a great line. It was actually treasured Australian institution The Betoota Advocate who first came up with the nickname.

The Betoota Advocate has been calling him Scotty from Marketing for months, referencing his career as the Managing Director of Tourism Australia before he got sacked from that gig and went into politics. He was in charge of Tourism Australia when they launched their “Where The Bloody Hell Are You?” campaign, which pissed off basically every country it was targeted towards.

The nickname had been floating around since early December, but took off once our esteemed leader decided he needed a Hawaiian holiday in the middle of a bushfire crisis. For a while there it was nearly impossible to log on to Twitter without being bombarded by the trending hashtags #ScottyFromMarketing and #WhereTheBloodyHellAreYou?

The radio host tried one more time to ask whether or not Scotty From Marketing was insulting, and our mate deflected as all good politicians do, instead going with “my focus is getting help to people who need it right now in the bushfires.”

We can only assume that in this case “help” is code for “piss weak handshakes.”

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I Want Kim K’s Justice Reform Doco To Be Good, But I’m Skeptical

I have my reservations.

Kim Kardashian has dropped the trailer for her new documentary, “Kim Kardashian West: The Justice Project.” It’s about the mass incarceration problem in the USA, and is going to be absolutely everywhere when it comes out on April 5th. 

The documentary is two hours long and follows Kim K around as she gets involved in the cases of Dawn Jackson, Alexis Martin, Momolu Stewart and David Sheppard – all of who legal experts (and Kim) believe shouldn’t be in prison. Throughout the course of the documentary, Kim and her team visit friends and family of the people incarcerated, meet with lawyers, and lobby public officials to see if they can get any of the incarcerated people out of jail. 

Look, I want this documentary to be good. I do, I really do. Mass incarceration is a genuine problem in the United States (and Australia tbh), and the school to prison pipeline is a real and terrifying thing. They’re massive issues that deserve to be tackled, but I’ll be quietly worried until I see it for myself. 

Firstly, she’s gone to law school which is great! But she’s only completed a year, which doesn’t quite feel like enough to take on something of this enormity.

We also know she’s pretty preoccupied with looks, as anyone with that level of fame for being a beauty influencer would have to be. She photoshopped her kid into the Christmas card last year for god’s sake. I’ll admit I have quiet reservations about whether or not this is totally about freeing prisoners or about looking great in front of cameras. 

Mostly the thing that sits in the back of my mind is the amount of blackface scandals Kim has been involved with. I get the impression that she just doesn’t learn from them, and to then go ahead with making a documentary to address a systemic issue that predominantly affects black people, it just feels… ick. 

Maybe I’ll eat my words. Maybe Kim Kardashian’s documentary will be brilliant and really start a movement to fix a broken system. For now, I’m just a bit worried.

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