Bleats

All The Times Politicians Proved They Shouldn't Dance In Public

Scott Morrison's Macarena is giving me hives.

Over the course of the week, we’ve been getting the results from the Iowa caucus. We should have had them pretty quickly but, of course, something went horribly wrong with an app and it ended up dragging out for what felt like a million years. Bernie Sanders has ultimately claimed victory, but for a long time it looked like Iowa would be won by Pete Buttegieg – a dude whose name I can’t hear without immediately wanting to burst into his stupid politician hype dance.

Hell yeah

And so, in honour of Mayor Pete and the fact that he’s ruined Panic! At The Disco for me forever, here are all the politicians who should have left their dancing shoes at home.

Pete Buttegieg, USA

Let’s start with the man who inspired this train of thought in the beginning. I’ll admit this one isn’t Pete Buttegieg himself dancing, rather it’s his supporters, but I’m going to say it counts.

I learned it after watching it once, and haven’t been able to stop doing it since.

Bill Shorten, Australia

This video will never not make me laugh. On a visit to Kiribati, Bill Shorten, wearing a traditional headdress, pulled off some moves I can only describe as ‘me when I don’t know anybody at a party.’

George W. Bush, USA

Dancing at a Malaria Awareness Day event, George W. Bush gave us… whatever this is. He’s certainly off beat, but at least he’s confident.

The Entire WA Liberal Party, Australia

Looking to get reelected for another term, the Western Australian Liberal party busted a move to Daft Punk’s One More Time. Get it? Cause they want to get in one more time? Funny, right?

Theresa May, UK

How was the Queen of badly dancing politicians not going to be here? Theresa May made headlines for her dorky dancing on a trip to South Africa. Later, she responded by entering the Tory Party Conference to Dancing Queen and dancing like an even bigger dork.

Scott Morrison, Australia

When he’s not pissing off to Hawaii, forcing people to shake his hand, or just generally being a huge disaster, our fearless leader is failing at the Macarena. Special appearances from the old NSW Premier Mike Baird, and notable unhinged boomer Kerri-Anne Kennerly.

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Someone Actually Thought Making Peter Pan Black Would Solve Racism

Surprise, it isn't that easy.

You can always tell when a board of people making decisions are made up entirely of white dudes. Usually it’s by the photos they have proudly displayed on their websites, but other times you can tell by the ideas that never would have gone ahead if they’d have asked a single person who wasn’t a white dude. The accidentally racist release of classic ‘Diversity Editions’ is one of those cases.

Penguin Random House has decided to put out the diversity editions of literary classics in honour of Black History Month over in the USA. According to the promotional material, they ran a heap of classic books through an AI and all of the books that “omitted ethnicity of primary characters” got a cover redesign with the protagonist portrayed as black.

The books with diversity editions are:

  • Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
  • The Count of Monte Cristo
  • Emma
  • Frankenstein
  • Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde
  • Moby Dick
  • Peter Pan
  • The Secret Garden
  • The Three Musketeers
  • Treasure Island
  • Romeo & Juliet
  • The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

I’m sure that they thought they were on the verge of solving racism by making Peter Pan black, but the campaign has gone down like a ton of bricks from the yellow brick road.

Sure, if you read the books then the protagonists skin colour might not be directly mentioned, but are we really trying to convince ourselves that the authors weren’t writing about white characters? Some of the depictions of Native Americans in Peter Pan are very iffy, and the whole point of Frankenstein’s Monster is that he’s not human, so making him black as a diversity play seems… not great.

All of this comes after we had to watch the racism Meghan Markle was subjected to. Listen to The GOAT Team chat about why #Megxit was so great…

For pete’s sake, there’s a quote from the main girl in The Secret Garden – a book about a girl born in British India – which literally goes “You thought I was a native! You dared! You don’t know anything about natives! They are not people – they’re servants who must salaam to you.”

Tell me that doesn’t sound like a spoiled white kid.

As people have repeatedly pointed out over this, we don’t need old books reimagined with black protagonists. What we need is for the works of non-white authors to be celebrated just as much as we celebrate white authors, and as Barnes & Noble said in their apology tweet, “the covers are not a substitute for black voices or writers, whose work and voices deserve to be heard.”

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