Bleats

We Did The Grim Maths On The Dangers Of Air-Dropping Food In Bushfire Zones

What was intended to help the animals may end up hurting them just a little bit more.

There hasn’t been much in the way of good news lately when it comes to the bushfires that are ravaging our country. But we got a rare glimmer of wholesomeness when the NSW government announced “Operation Rock Wallaby.”

The operation goal is simple: the bushfires has made it difficult for the surviving wildlife to find food so the NSW government is going to help animals – particularly the endangered brush-tailed rock-wallabies – get fed by airdropping thousands of kgs of sweet potatoes and carrots over burned areas.

Supplying food to our struggling wildlife is fantastic but I couldn’t help but wonder if Operation Rock Wallaby was the safest thing to do. Raining carrots and sweet potatoes seems a bit… dangerous, particularly for smaller animals.

So in an attempt to assuage my fears over wallabies getting knocked the f**k out by a sweet potato, I decided to do some rough math on just how fast those carrots and sweet potatoes are hurtling to the ground from helicopters.

Let’s assume that an average carrot weighs 100 grams and an average sweet potato weighs on 300 grams. Given the severity of the bushfires and smoke, let’s also assume that the vegetables are being dropped from helicopters at an altitude of about 1km for simplicity’s sake.

Given how sweet potatoes and carrots are generally long, bumpy cylinders in shape, let’s assume an air resistance coefficient of 0.42. With all those rough assumptions and the help of an online freefall calculator, the velocity of those tonnes of carrots and sweet potatoes being dropped out of helicopters is:

  • A 100g carrot will fall at a velocity of 5.5km/h
  • A 300g sweet potato will fall at a velocity of 9.5km/h

That’s not exactly slow but it’s also surprisingly not as fast as I was expecting. Having said that though, it’s not nothing either as getting smacked in the face with a sweet potato coming down from the sky at 10km/h won’t kill you but it’ll definitely hurt quite a bit.

Taking into account how the animals in the bushfire-ravaged areas are much smaller than the average human being, there’s definitely a possibility that a poor wallaby may have gotten knocked the f**k out by a sweet potato from the sky.

Extrapolating further, there’s also a possibility of a carrot accidentally poking some poor animal’s eye out or a sweet potato knocking a poor bird or koala from its tree.

This but with more vegetables.

It must be said that these numbers should all be taken with a grain of salt as they’re no way rooted in anything scientific or even mathematically correct and was purely done because I was curious more than anything else.

But jokes aside, it is genuinely heartwarming to see Operation Rock Wallaby in full flow given how the bushfires have devastated our wildlife. If anything, I hope all these dumb calculations entertained people at the very least because we could all use a bit of levity during these tough times.

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Gwyneth Paltrow Getting A Goop Netflix Show Just Enables Her To Keep Plugging Nonsense

We've let her run wild with her Goop stuff long enough.

Gwyneth Paltrow is better known for her ridiculous Goop empire these days than she is as a surprisingly good actress. Being the enterprising businesswoman that she is, Gwynny has decided to sort of combine those two things and the result is a batsh*t crazy reality series on Netflix called The Goop Lab.

It’s been a hilarious ride taking Gwyneth Paltrow to task for all of the ridiculous things she’s said and done in the name of Goop and “wellness” of one’s self, but this Netflix show is taking the joke one step too far and deep into dangerous territory.

In case we’ve forgotten, Gwynny and Goop have found themselves in hot water over the last few years for plugging unsubstantiated claims and products that were harmful and/or had no scientific basis.

This list includes but is not limited to: vaginal steaming (not a thing, don’t do it), jade eggs for your vagina (again, this is not a thing, don’t do it) and walking around barefoot to cure depression (see the previous bracket).

Now this sort of nonsensical stuff is tolerable – and even quite funny – when it was confined to Gwynny’s website and social media. But when you’ve got Netflix’s resources and a percentage of the streaming giant’s estimated 158 million subscribers available for you to plug your Goop crap, it all suddenly stops becoming funny and immediately becomes dangerous.

By giving Gwynny a platform to plug all her scientifically dubious claims to a potentially huge audience, we’re doing nothing more than enabling her to keep pushing nonsensical rubbish. Like a recovering drug addict or an alcoholic, we should be weaning her off this Goop crap instead of paying her to continue pushing it.

Gwyneth Paltrow may be good at things like acting and being a great ex-girlfriend, but she certainly should not be given a Netflix show to spruik her dangerous nonsense because that’s a one way street to a sharp spike in vaginal steaming and jade egg-related health problems.

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Don't Remember The OG 'Biggest Loser' Trainer? That's Why She Just Body Shamed Lizzo

This is why fitness "gurus" will never understand the body positivity movement.

Do you all remember Jillian Michaels? The former trainer on The Biggest Loser? No? Yeah me neither, which is probably why she decided to body shame Lizzo in some misguided attempt to claw back some of the limelight.

The woman who was on The Biggest Loser for a bit appeared on Buzzfeed News‘ Twitter morning show, AM to DM, to talk about…oh who cares. When the conversation turned to Lizzo and body positivity, the fitness “guru” let loose on the rapper and her physique, saying:

“Why are we celebrating her body? Why does it matter? Why aren’t we celebrating her music? ‘Cause it isn’t gonna be awesome if she gets diabetes.

“I’m just being honest. I love her music, my kid loves her music, but there’s never a moment when I’m like, ‘I’m so glad she’s overweight.’ Why do I even care? Why is it my job to care about her weight?”

Unsurprisingly, the internet clapped back hard against the fitness “guru” for her comments. We must also give massive props to host Alex Berg for holding it together and not clapping back because seeing someone talk smack about Lizzo like what Jillian Michaels did was rage-inducing.

But beyond being just plain rude, the former Biggest Loser trainer’s comments show just how out of touch she – and a lot of fitness “gurus” – are about the body positivity movement.

In a world that equates beauty with being skinny while constantly looking down on people who don’t fit in what society deems as an “acceptable” body size range, having a famous celebrity who is confident in their own body like Lizzo is incredibly important.

People should be able to feel good in their own skin and seeing Lizzo embrace herself in such a positive way goes a long way in helping those with self-esteem issues.

Seeing as how Jillian Michaels was on a show that forced people to lose weight in a dangerous manner, she doesn’t really have a leg to stand on with her comments. And that’s not even mentioning how Lizzo probably has her beat on the stamina and strength front given how physically-taxing the rapper’s performances are.

As for what Lizzo thinks about all this, she hasn’t said anything, probably because she doesn’t give a crap about what some former Biggest Loser trainer thinks about her and would rather spend her time helping out bushfire victims instead.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

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