Ahh shoeys. Is there anything that quite so succinctly tells the world “Welcome to Australia. We’re a bunch of degenerates. Enjoy your stay!” And if you’re one of the people who shudders at the thought of drinking from a shoe, then I have bad news for you: they aren’t going anywhere any time soon.
Case in point. Over New Years, I was one of the many unwashed hippies who headed off to the Byron Bay leg of Falls Festival. On the first day the parklands were soggy af, but by day two they’d dried out and turned into the sort of dust bowl that leaves you coated in a layer of dirt 15 minutes after you’ve shown up.
Imagine, if you will, the state of people’s shoes
Poor Lewis Capaldi was the one who copped a crowd chanting “Shoey. Shoey. Shoey.” He tried telling the crowd he couldn’t do one because he didn’t have a shoe or alcohol, so naturally someone chucked a brown shoe (I don’t think it was meant to be brown) and one of those squeezy yogurt packets that’s technically banned from every festival up on the stage. It was bad.
We all know that shoeys are up there with one of the most foul things you can do, and science found enough gross microbes on the average shoe to give you things like septicaemia, pneumonia, food poisoning, vomiting, nausea, and diarrhoea. So that’s great.
So why do they refuse to die?
My best theory is because Australians are weird as shit. We convinced a Scottish journalist she was holding a drop bear, invented a national sport out of pegging a goon bag to a clothesline, and bitch forever if we go to the polls and don’t get a democracy sausage. (My local polling booth wasn’t selling them last year and I’m still mad about it, but anyway…)
Keep on keeping on, Australia. Embrace the shoey, but maybe keep a couple of anti-nausea pills on hand just in case.
Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.