Bleats

Pokemon ASMR Is Here To Make Your Life Way Better

It's as wholesome as it sounds.

I’ll admit that I’ve never been one for ASMR. I never got past the videos of people whispering into a microphone because quite frankly they made my skin crawl, but I may have finally found the exception. On an exceptionally wholesome corner of the internet, Pokemon ASMR exists.

There are two videos put out by the Pokémon Company’s Japanese YouTube channel. The first one, called Charmander’s Fireside Slumber, is half an hour of a sleepy Charmander snoozing by a fire. At one point the fire goes out and he wakes up to relight it with his tail, then goes right back to sleep.

The second one, called Chespin’s Happy Snack Time, is a video of a Chespin munching his way through a pile of macarons. Normally the ASMR of people crunching into a mic is the sort that makes me want to flip a table, but I’m actually ok with this. When Chespin runs out of macarons, a Pikachu turns up with another plate so that Chespin can keep on snackin’. 

ASMR stands for autonomous sensory meridian response, and people who swear by these videos say that listening to them gives them tingles and relaxes them – sometimes so deeply that they fall asleep. 

It’s not just Pokemon and whispering, there are all sorts of weird and wonderful variations of ASMR. My favourite cursed videos include a dude eating glue sticks, a nun takes care of you because you have the plague, and five minutes of Rona Weasley saying “fookin’ hell, Harry.”

Pokemon ASMR might be odd, but it’s certainly wholesome af. We live in a burning world and every time we log on we’re hit with everything bad that’s happening. Small pockets of the internet where nothing matters except how many macarons Chespin can gobble down are rare and beautiful, and should be protected at all costs.

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No, The High Speed Rail Bushfire Conspiracy Isn’t A Thing

Why do we have to say this?

We’ve seen a lot of misinformation floating around during the bushfire crisis over the last few months. There have been bogus stories that range from there being an arson crisis, to fake maps, and once these stories are out there it’s near impossible to reign them back in. It’s the internet after all. The newest (and maybe most insane) theory is that the bushfires were deliberately lit to clear a path for high speed rail, and frankly I’m just stumped.

High speed rail conspiracy theories aren’t new, and they get trotted out fairly often. The most recent example was the the 2018 California bushfires, where the exact same conspiracy went around: the fires were deliberately lit to make building a high speed rail easier.

FFS

As people struggle to make sense of the devastation left by the Australian bushfires, this particularly nasty theory is taking hold. Famed nutjob Alex Jones mentioned it on InfoWars, and Australian conspiracy theorist Max Igan has an entire video series on the fires.

The supposed method of lighting these fires is just as amazing as the concept itself. I’m talking accelerants being sprayed all over the country, laser beams, exploding electricity meters, the whole nine yards.

The supposed proof is a map of the proposed rail line overlapped with a map of where the fires have been burning around the country. But idk, it’s almost as if there’s a lot of burnable material along the coast of Australia, as well as being the most direct route for a train line. Also a significant chuck of the country is on fire, so it’s not that shocking that there were plans proposed for burned areas.

Also the proposed rail route only stretched from Brisbane to Melbourne. I’m imagining the Government laser-burned the rest of the country outside of that area for funsies, then?

Conspiracies like this don’t help anyone. For the people who have lost possessions, homes, or loved ones I can’t even imagine how insulting it must be to hear people prattle on about how it’s all because of a Government conspiracy that involves lasers. 

Seems legit…

The Government has been shit during these fires, absolutely. Scott Morrison may as well have just stayed in Hawai’i and never tried to shake anyone’s hand ever again, but accusing them of rigging electricity meters to explode and cause fires is just nonsense. 

If you want to be useful, donate to the fireys and shut the hell up.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

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