Bleats

Never Forget When Joaquin Phoenix Was Part Of A Crazy Religious Sex Cult

A crazier origin story than Joker.

We all know Joaquin Phoenix as an odd but good egg who has lived a public life that’s been filled with stunning performances (that go beyond just Joker) and weirdly inspiring, world-saving acts. What you may not know is that Joaquin Phoenix also had an absolutely wild childhood of the “born and raised in a crazy religious sex cult called Children Of God” sort.

Speaking of crazy, the GOAT team look at The Weeknd’s wild career trajectory on ‘It’s Been A Big Day For…’ below:

So who are the Children Of God, the aforementioned crazy religious sex cult Joaquin Phoenix was part of during his childhood? Well according to Esquire, they were a bunch of wild runaways and hippies who formed a group originally called Teens For Christ in 1968 and were led a a charismatic (and bearded) preacher called David Brandt Berg.

This little group of yahoos would soon evolve into the Children Of God and had about 15,000 brainwashed followers at one point in time. The cult believed in a bizarre mix of Jesus Christ worship, free love (which was the rage in the 60s), and the coming of the apocalypse. They didn’t believe in working and this belief of the end of the world meant that the cult lived hand-to-mouth – i.e begging and living off donations.

Children Of God quickly became notorious for two things; getting female followers to have sex with men in order to “convert” them to the cult (called “flirty fishing”), and a seriously f**ked history of alleged pedophilia and child abuse that lasted decades. Berg himself was at the centre of several serious abuse and assault allegations, which would continue until his death in 1994.

So in short, the Children Of God was basically your stereotypical 60s religious cult that you’ve probably seen in movies like Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, but even more f**ked up.

Joaquin Phoenix’s parents, who had – don’t laugh – Bottom as their surname back then, joined the Children Of God in 1969 as missionaries and travelled with the cult around South America for about eight years. It was during this time when Joaquin and his younger siblings were born.

The actor tells Vanity Fair that his parents were never negligent during their time in Children Of God and they eventually grew disillusioned with the cult. The tipping point was when the aforementioned “flirty fishing” policy was introduced, to which Joaquin’s parents responded with a paraphrased version of “f**k this, we’re outta here.”

The entire Bottom familiy managed to escape the Children Of God and their cooked sex/religious cult stuff unscathed and eventually made it to Florida. As a symbol of rebirth and new beginnings, the family also changed their surname from Bottom to Phoenix because phoenixes represent rebirth and… yeah you get it.

As for what happened to Children Of God, the cult changed its name to Family International and have declined significantly since their heyday. These days the membership has dwindled to a bit over 1,000 (according to them) and is solely an online community as they don’t want to be caught by the police.

If you thought Joker was a wild origin story for the character, it has nothing on the real person behind the face paint and creepy smile, which probably why Joaquin Phoenix was so good in the role.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

Is Ariana Grande's New Boyfriend Just Pete Davidson 2.0?

And does he have BDE?

Ever since Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande broke up, Pete has rebounded with a number of young brunette starlets who look suspiciously like his ex-fiance. We and many others made a lot of jokes at his expense for this but it seems like the shoe is on the other foot this time around because Ariana Grande has got herself a new boyfriend to keep her company while self-isolating from the coronavirus pandemic… and he looks suspiciously like Pete.

Speaking of self-isolating, the GOAT team talk about creative quarantine during this coronavirus pandemic on ‘It’s Been A Big Day For…’ below:

After fans began noticing a new mystery man in the background of Ariana Grande’s social media while self-isolating from the coronavirus, TMZ confirmed that this bloke is Pete Davidson 2.0 her new boyfriend.

Apparently this guy’s name is Dalton Gomez and he is a regular chap unlike Pete. Well relatively speaking. Instead of being a musician or a comedian on SNL, Dalton is a wealthy real estate agent who happens to hang around celebrity circles in Los Angeles and apparently that’s how he met Ari.

Did we also mention that he also looks like Pete Davidson? The GOAT team couldn’t quite figure it out. Some of us thought he looked like Pete, others thought Shawn Mendes, while there were a few who said he was just another wealthy white bloke.

We couldn’t really agree on who Dalton looks like and the only thing we ended up in the same boat on is how Ariana also seems to have a type – i.e skinny white dudes.

So is Ariana Grande’s new boyfriend just a Pete Davidson doppelganger or not? Well we’ll let you decide that one. One thing’s for sure, anticipation for Pete’s next stand up comedy special just shot through the roof given what he said about her in his last one.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

Tom Holland Panic-Bought Some Actual Chickens Because He Wanted Eggs

Weird flex but okay.

The coronavirus pandemic has caused a lot of people to do some ridiculous things, like raiding supermarkets and hoarding up all the supplies. This has caused problems for level-headed shoppers who just want their weekly carton of eggs with no fuss, only to find that stores have been emptied of them. But if you’re an egg lover like Tom Holland, you simply get around that little problem by *checks notes* panic-buying some chickens.

Speaking of animals (sort of), the GOAT team talk all about ‘Animal Crossing: New Horizons’ on ‘It’s Been A Big Day For…’ below:

After finding absolutely no eggs anywhere (thanks again, coronavirus panic-shoppers), Tom Holland and his cohort were left with an eggy craving that needed to be satisfied but no way of doing it.

Since supermarkets were out of the question, Tom and his cohort decided to take a left-field approach to the problem by skipping the middle man and buying two chickens – named Predator and the Chestnut Ranger – instead.

One has to wonder what sort of conversation went down between Tom Holland and his buddies that saw them go from “I want eggs but there are none since people are buying them up in a coronavirus panic” to “let’s get some chickens because that’s a great source of eggs!”

But hey when life gives you lemons, you sell those and use the profits to buy chickens instead because you actually wanted eggs all along.

Seeing as how the Uncharted movie is delayed indefinitely and everything in Hollywood is under lockdown due to the coronavirus, we’re going to have to make do with Tom Holland panic-buying farm animals and chasing chickens around every morning for the foreseeable future, which is actually a pretty entertaining prospect when you think about it.

I shudder to think what will happen when Tom Holland wants milk, only to find out that the shops are out of it.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

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