Never Forget Matthew McConaughey Was Arrested For Playing The Bongos Nude

"What's wrong with beating on your drums in your birthday suit?"

Celebrities get arrested all the time, usually for taking Ferraris on drunken joyrides or something involving expensive drugs. One of the most joyful arrest stories though goes to Matthew McConaughey’s arrest for playing the bongos while nude.

The year was 1999. A noise complaint was made at 2:30am, and when police followed it up they found a young Matthew McConaughey wearing nothing but a University of Texas bandanna and playing the bongos like a madman. There was reportedly a bong on the table. He was arrested “on suspicion of possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and resisting transportation, according to a police statement.” 

For a different kind of jailbreak, let the GOAT Team take you through the great baboon escape…

There was also an unidentified man in the room clapping and cheering for McConaughey, basically just egging him on. No word on whether or not he was also nude. That guy was briefly detained, but didn’t end up going to jail.

“I asked the nude male several times to put some pants on,” one of the cops later reported. “He responded by saying ‘F*ck you.’”

That was not the only time McConaughey responded like that. He gave the same response while being handcuffed, while having a police officer wrap a shirt around him, and while being put in the police car.

The report never actually said that they were high off their noggins, but it’s pretty obvious that was the case.

In a later interview about the arrest, Matthew McConaughey asked “What’s wrong with beating on your drums in your birthday suit? I have no regrets about the way I got there.”

The true definition of no regrets.

Now I’m not suggesting that you get incredibly high and play the bongos nude at 2:30am, but it’s definitely the sort of chaotic energy that I’m all about taking us through the rest of 2020. 

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A Dive Into The Wild Theories About Celebrities' Past Lives

Accuracy is not guaranteed.

The world of psychics and mind readers and all that jazz is super popular for a reason. It’s human nature to want to know the answers to questions that don’t seem to have an answer, why else would people spend so long trying to solve cold cases from their couches? Psychics take that to a whole new level, and can give you information about what’s happening in the future, and what happened before we were ever born. Guessing at past lives can be fun, but these celebrity ones seem… well, not at all accurate is what they seem.

Scarlett Johansson

‘Drunk on opinions’ is not a phrase I would have ever thought I’d write, but this particular psychic has decided that that’s what Scarlett Johansson is. 

Bradley Walsh

English comedian Bradley Walsh has an eye condition that causes inflamed eyelids. It’s not fun, but also not the worst thing in the world. The wort thing in the world is that he apparently got it as a kid in the 1600s watching his mum be burned as a witch.

Cameron Diaz

The Black Death killed about 50 million people in Europe, so I guess statistically there’s a good chance that a person’s past life self died of it. And it was definitely spread by rats by the way, or at least the fleas on them.

The Kardashians

Not just one person here, but the whole family apparently. This actually brings me some comfort to be honest, cause if I have to spend eternity reincarnating with someone, I’m glad it’s my family.

Alec Baldwin

I need to know what President they think he was, because that feels like a pretty important thing to leave out of a political celebrity past lives prediction.

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TIL Stegosaurus Was So Dumb People Thought It Had A Second Brain In Its Butt

The butt brain would have been way bigger than the regular brain, too.

One of the biggest downsides to being a functioning adult in society is that nobody ever asks you what your favourite dinosaur is anymore. Forget bills and taxes and all that stuff, the amount of dinosaur conversations we have as adults is dismal. For the record, my favourite dinosaur is a stegosaurus, because my favourite dinosaur toy was a stegosaurus and because they’re so dumb that people used to think they had a second brain in their butt. 

Want more dinosaurs? How about the GOAT Team awww-ing over this dinosaur song?

First of all, stegosaurus were not the sharpest tool in the prehistoric shed. They were massive animals that could grow as long as nine meters, but they had teeny tiny heads, and the brain they had operating that massive body was roughly the size of a lime. Realistically though, they didn’t have to hunt for prey, they just had to wander around and maybe hit anything attacking them with their tail, so they were probably very happy with the situation.

When you look at a stegosaurus skeleton though, there’s an interesting cavity between their hips. In the 1870s, a famous bone hunter named Othniel Charles Marsh speculated that the space between stegosaurus’ hips was evidence that there was a second brain connecting the back legs to the front legs. He figured that the brain in the head was so small that stegosaurus might have needed some help with basic motor functions.

The best part is that the cavity is large enough that the butt brain would have been way larger than the head brain.

As much as I wish the butt brain was true, modern scientists have proven that this just isn’t right. What they haven’t proven is what that space between stegosaurus’ hips is actually for. The best theory scientists have at the moment is that it housed a glycogen body like birds have, but the problem is that nobody can quite explain why a stegosaurus would have a glycogen body in the first place.

We might never know what that space between stegosaurus’ hips was for, but the fact that people assumed it was for a butt brain is what brings me unimaginable joy.

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