It goes without saying that ASAP Rocky hasn’t had a great 2019. After finding himself in serious legal jeopardy following an assault in Sweden, an alleged sex tape supposedly involving the rapper and a mystery woman has leaked online and according to folks who have seen it, it was a pretty subpar display of cocksmanship.
After the internet had a field day roasting the dude’s bedroom performance in the leaked sex tape, ASAP Rocky responded with an impassioned defence of his dong and bedroom skills that’ll make Jason Derulo green with envy.
Taking to Twitter with the all-caps key turned on, ASAP Rocky claims that he, his dong and his dong’s “defense attorney” are “prepared 2 deny any slow strokes” or any lack of, ahem, “killin the pussy.”
Just to make sure you really know that he’s totally had sexytimes with lots of ladies and they were all complimentary of his skills, the rapper writes “a long list of satisfied women can attest too.”
And as a cherry on top, ASAP Rocky has a few strong words for all the haters who were critical of his bedroom ability, writing “but the real punchline is seeing ppl who never f**ked him rate him.”
Bravo, ASAP Rocky, bravo.
Never mind that it is unconfirmed whether the rapper was indeed the dude in the leaked sex tape, the fact that he went out of his way to share such a loud and boisterous Twitter defence of his wang is hilarious (and a little sad since he could’ve easily just ignored all of his detractors).
In the meantime, best keep all critical comments of the rapper’s bedroom ability on the DL or he, his dong and his dong’s “defense attorney” will be after you with another Twitter message written in all-caps.
Maybe ASAP Rocky and Jason Derulo should hang out sometime since both seem to really like talking about their dicks.
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