Bleats

Old Men Fighting Over Push-Ups Is Where Politics Is At, So Let Women Take Over And Actually Get Work Done

It's about time.

I’m not one for politics, I’ll admit that openly. But even I can tell that there are way too many old white dudes in charge. 

I see it every time I watch the news: another white dude giving another address on another stupid policy. 

Julia Gillard was the first female Australian Prime Minister and we haven’t seen the likes of her since 2013. 

Iconic. Source: Giphy

In 2019, 127 (106D, 21R) women hold seats in the United States Congress, comprising 23.7% of the 535 members. Impressive. Until I remember that the position of top dog is still held by a man who is the same age as my grandfather. 

Hilary Clinton came close to getting the presidency but not close enough. Her candidacy, while inspiring, brought no long-term change. Unless you count empowering a bunch of women and inspiring us all to buy a pantsuit as long-term change. 

I wish we could. Source: Giphy

The country running has been left to, you guessed it, the elderly white dudes. But not just any elderly white dudes – the kind whose egos far outweigh any legitimate political concern or constructive idea they have. Male politicians like President Donald Trump and ex-Vice President Joe Biden are too busy comparing their manhood. 

Just this week, Joe publicly challenged Trump to do push-ups on stage. 

 “I’d say, ‘C’mon Donald, c’mon man. How many push-ups do you want to do here, pal?’” Biden said. “I mean, jokingly. . . . C’mon, run with me, man.”

The politician shared his master scheme to prove his legitimacy during an interview on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” in which he was pressed on whether he is tough enough to stand up to Trump given his sub-par performance in a recent Democratic debate.

This isn’t the first time that Joe has spoken about getting physical with Trump. 

Last year, while campaigning for congressional candidates, Joe talked about fighting the president because of the disrespectful way he has talked about women.

“If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him,” Biden told a crowd at the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla., in March 2018.

I should probably note here that Joe Biden is only three years Donald Trumps senior: a old 76 years old to Trump’s young 73. 

I should also highlight that the two politician’s ability to workout together or fight one another is in no way a measure of their leadership skills. I feel like that goes without say. And yet…

For me, the school boy stupidity of Biden and Trump conclusively proves that it’s time for women to take over. Can we be petty? Sure. But we’ll also get the job done. 

Research shows that women are more productive than men. 10 per cent more, to be exact. 

As a female myself, I can confirm this. Also, multitasking is a skill every female is born with which only gives us more of an edge. Michelle Obama’s biceps are proof – she had time to make herself feel good, look good, and inspire an entire nation. 

Sure, Michelle wasn’t technically a politician. But she was still a powerful woman at the forefront of society, which is what we need more of. Maybe America doesn’t want to elect Hilary Clinton, and maybe Australian won’t see the likes of Julia Gillard for another 50 years, but that does’t mean they shouldn’t be running the show. 

They definitely should be. 

Bill Shorten Runs Like Phoebe From Friends And We Are All Rachel

The one you can't unsee.

Aussie politicians aren’t known for doing a whole lot right. Scratch that, no politician is known for doing something right.

Except Obama. Obama is basically Jesus.

Anywayyy, my point is politicians of all kinds and cultures generally make me want to shrivel up and die inside. Until today, because today is the day that one politician finally did something right.

Let me present you with this clip of Bill Shorten on his evening run:

Stunning. I love it. It’s ultimate white boy.

I also hate it with a fiery passion. Like…this dude is the opposition leader. He’s the main contender for prime minister which means he could end up running our country one day. And he can’t even RUN properly.

I feel like Rachel in that episode of Friends where she goes on a run with Phoebe and gets the shock of her life.

Guess we know who Bill got running lessons from.

Rachel’s face = my face. Shocked, confused, slightly horrified. You can see her brain thinking “What the…do I laugh? Do I cry?”

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

I kinda feel bad for making fun of old mate Bill. We’ve all been there: working out, feeling like a badass, then someone takes a video and you realise how useless you look.

He’s trying. Running ain’t no joke.

But then I see it again. And I go back to hating the world.

Run Forrest, run!

Our opposition leader, everyone.

New Porn Laws Are A Massive Middle Finger To Sexual Privacy

Time to sign our souls away.

Porn has existed for literally thousands of years. The ancient Romans have been painting nudey ruddeys on walls long before the human anatomy was even understood.

It’s a totally normal part of every day life and, honestly, a pretty great one too. Sure, there’s some seriously questionable things out there, but for all intents and purposes, porn does the job.

No point beating around the bush, if ya know what I mean.

Wink, wink.

The decision to watch porn is between you, your laptop and your right/left hand.

So why, pray tell, do our governments feel the need to stick their snotty noses into our business with porn regulation laws?

The UK has announced a porn block which is designed to stop people under the age of 18 from accessing pornographic content online.

The block, which launches on 15 July 2019,  will force commercial porn sites to check the age of visitors.

But it’s not as simple as ticking a box to verify you are you 18+ years old. Porn-viewers will be asked to provide legitimate documentation like passports, driver’s licenses and credit cards to prove their age. Porn passes will also be sold in shops for £4.99 ($6.50).

There’s also a requirement that you sign your soul away.

Okay, not really, but it definitely feels that way. The UK government isn’t just asking for age verification, they’re asking for your entire identity. They’ll know your name, age, address, and citizenship status.

It’s a total violation of people’s personal and sexual privacy.

People’s sexual preferences and habits are their own personal decision and should not be monitored.

The worst part is, the UK government isn’t giving people a choice. If you want to watch porn you need to prove your age. Otherwise, no pleasure for you.

That’s gotta hurt.

I’m not saying it should be okay for an 8-year-old to watch porn online. I understand that the porn block is designed to protect young people from being exposed to inappropriate material.

But you can’t protect everyone from everything. At the end of the day it’s up to the parents of that child to monitor their online habits and educate them on important issues like sex and sexuality.

Our early adolescent years are when we are most malleable. It’s when our sexual identity is formed and stifling that even a little bit is not constructive. Teenagers should be encouraged to embrace their sexual freedom.

What they said.

Still, the porn block is happening. You have approximately three months to bang out your anger then sign up to a good VPN. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

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