Bleats

Robert Pattinson Is Joining The Timothée Chalamet Shakespeare Movie Because Netflix Knows How To Lay Down An Irresistible Thirst Trap

How do you get young people interested in Shakespearean period films? Add beautiful ‘arty’ boys with huge fan followings. Well played, Netflix.

Netflix has just well and truly made dreams come true by bringing together 2010’s teen crush of choice Robert Pattinson and 2018 equivalent Timothée Chalamet for their upcoming historical drama The King.

Because why have one handsome, brooding, sensitive dreamboat when you can have two?

It was announced earlier this year that Timmy Chalamet would be starring as Henry V in the film, which instantly made the project more more hyped than any Shakespearean period piece would normally be.

Putting the exceptionally talented and very, very cute Timothée Chalamet on the English throne is a surefire way to get people’s attention – especially people of the young and thirsty variety.

Now Netflix has gone and added Robert Pattinson to the line up, which is almost more than my Twilight-stanning teen self can handle – and the cross-section of fandoms are blowing up with excitement online.

The King‘s epic cast now includes Robert Pattinson, Joel Edgerton, Sean Harris, Ben Mendelsohn, and Lily-Rose Depp alongside King Timothée Chalamet (which shall be his official title from this point forward).

The film is set to be released on Netflix in 2019 so prepare yourself for some glorious, historical thirst content.

Competitive Cooking Shows Are Tired So Netflix Is Adding Weed To The Mix In Their New Show To Make Things More Interesting

Between Netflix's hit show Nailed It and the just-announced Cooking on High, the competitive cooking show has officially entered into a much more relatable phase of its existence.

Like many reality TV genres that have come before it, competitive cooking shows have been milked for all their worth.

We’re officially sick of watching extremely talented ‘amateur’ chefs cook up impossibly complex dishes for a judging panel of corny middle-aged dudes to dig into and then wait a full ominous minute before revealing that they like it. 

@ Masterchef

So, next month Netflix is bringing something new to the table.

Cooking on High is another iteration of the competitive cooking show, but all dishes must feature one key ingredient: weed.

What could go wrong?

Just kidding! We have total confidence that this show will be a very serious cooking competition and definitely not derail into giggles and shower thoughts as the bake-off progresses.

Netflix has recently ventured into the post-cooking show cooking show genre with their hit series Nailed It – where the contestants are terrible, their finished work is a disaster and the whole thing is so bizarre it can only be taking the piss out of itself.

Cooking on High similarly promises something a little spicier and more relatable than the stuck-up cooking content that we’ve grown tired of. 

Netflix tags the show with the jovial descriptors ‘Offbeat’ and ‘Goofy’, and I think we all know what to expect.

The new series will be hosted by comedian and YouTube star Josh Leyva and the show’s resident “culinary weed expert” will be fellow comedian and noted cannabis activist Ngaio Bealum.

Looking forward to watching the judges try to keep it together for the full length of an episode. Will they rate the high as well as the integration of those key kush flavour notes?

Pretty much.

And more importantly, will they reach the glorious heights of cannabis cuisine’s current finest product: the clip for Joyride’s ‘Aunty Tracey’s Cookies’, featuring a truly mouthwatering Mary Jane-inspired feast courtesy of ACME restaurant’s Mitch Orr.

Cooking on High comes to Netflix on June 22 so prepare to be truly inspired.

Idris Elba Is Going To Be The Sexy Hunchback Of Notre Dame We All Deserve In His Upcoming Netflix Remake

Leave behind your childhood memories of the Disney version, and prepare to be extremely thirsty for Quasimodo.

Seeing as we are well and truly in the era of remakes, it was only a matter of time before we got a(nother) modern retelling of Victor Hugo’s 1831 novel The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Here for it.

We know, yet another rehash – but stay with us.

Because Idris Elba will be directing and producing music for the Netflix remake as well as starring in it.

Yes, folks: we are about to get the hottest Quasimodo in history.

Say hello to your new Quasimodo.

We expect great things of Golden Globe winner and the internet’s favourite James Bond frontrunner, who you can currently catch in Avengers: Infinity War as the (ahem) golden-eyed Asgardian gatekeeper Heimdall.

He’s made his directorial debut this year with Sundance drama Yardie, and he’ll be directing and producing this project under his Green Door production shingle.

What everyone seems to agree on is that the most noteworthy thing about Elba playing the famously un-sexy hunchback is that Idris Elba is, undeniably, very sexy.

Surely, even in some hectic prosthetics, he can’t help but smoulder.

Yep. Sexy.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame, which is arguably best known to most people through its 1996 Disney animated adaptation, tells the tale of Quasimodo, a man who is ridiculed and ostracised by society for having physical deformities.

No you’re not Quasi 🙁

Despite being pure of heart and performing plenty of heroic acts  worthy of the stereotypical Disney prince, it is made clear that Quasimodo’s appearance disqualifies him as a romantic contender for the beautiful Esmeralda (or anyone, for that matter).

Being stripped of their sexuality is just one of the many things that people with highly visible physical differences and disabilities have to cop from society, so it would be genuinely great to see Idris Elba bring some sex appeal to the role.

We don’t expect the The Hunchback of Notre Dame to rewrite an entirely different ending for Quasimodo, but we’re hopeful that the remake will be better in the hands of Idris Elba – our hot hunchback.

More like the entire human population.

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