Bleats

Reminder: 'Torn' Is Not A Natalie Imbruglia Original, But It Is The Song That Made One Direction

It's a valuable lesson in how a cover version can absolutely eclipse the original artist's vision.

You can count the times when a cover version wildly eclipses the original on one hand – but ‘Torn’ is proof that it can be done and also that Natalie Imbruglia is basically a genius.

Yes, ‘Torn’ isn’t her song. But let’s be honest: it absolutely is her song, even if she was the third artist to release it.

Um, hi?

if you want to follow the forging of the Crown of Torns, it was first demoed by Anne Preven, who co wrote it with her guitarist Scott Cutler and her producer (and former bassist with the Cure) Phil Thornally.

Preven and Cutler then formed a band called Ednaswap in LA and released the song in 1995. And man, it sounds SO VERY 1995. Ah, those glory days of alt.rock…

But they didn’t even get to record it first: that honour went to Lis Sørensen, in 1993 who made it a minor hit in Denmark (as ‘Brændt’, which literally means “burned”).

Imbruglia’s version isn’t all that different to Sørensen’s and keeps the somewhat streamlined chord progression (compared with Ednaswap’s version, at least) and yet is about a billion times better.

It’s also produced by Thornally, which is how our Nat heard of the song. See how it works?

And let’s not underestimate that video.…

And then One Direction made it part of their legend by making it the first song they ever performed together – it was the song that convinced Simon Cowell to take them to the very tippity top. And just look at them emote!

So, in short: the people who wrote the song did the version that the fewest people heard or liked. But at least they still get publishing royalties. That’s gotta be a nice little earner.

And Preven and Cutler have made a hell of a career writing for other artists, including the award-winning ‘Listen’ from Dreamgirls.

So, songwriters: the trick is to work with a former goth superstar, get a Scando pop star to cover it, then have an Australian soapie star make it an international smash, and then have it trigger the formation of the biggest boy band of all time.

Easy!

Robert Pattinson Says He Smells Like A Crayon And I Need To Know Which Colour

Another wild yarn from R-Patz.

Robert Pattinson has gained quite a reputation for spinning wild yarns during interviews, but his most recent comments on his body odour have me truly shaken.

In a recent interview with Allure the star of the upcoming The Batman film said, “Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon.”

The interviewer – understandably bewildered by this statement – then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

To which R-Patz responded, “Yes! Like I’m embalmed.”

I have so many questions. What colour crayon does Pattinson smell like? What brand? Is he using lots of crayons? And most importantly, who are these multiple people who are telling him he smells like crayon!? Is that an insult, or a compliment?

It’s not the first time Robert Pattinson’s scent has come up in conversation. Back in 2009, E! News reported that an unidentified source who worked “very closely” with the actor on New Moon said “he stinks.”

“I mean, it’s awful,” the source said. “He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy.”

“He completely reeks,” an unidentified crew member added. Yikes.

It’s been over a decade since then, so we can only hope Robert Pattinson has swapped his lack of showering for an obsession with crayons. 

Speaking of celebrity scents, celebrity tattoo artist Lauren Winzer dishes on what Post Malone smells like on It’s Been A Big Day For…below:

During his interview with Allure, Pattinson was also asked about being recently named the “most handsome man” in the world according to science.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people.”

“My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the auditions, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, because I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Hairless, chubby, waxed or smelling like a crayon – we’ll take Robert Pattinson any which way.

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