Bleats

Today I Learned: Anchorman: Legend Of Ron Burgundy Was Originally Like Cast Away On Crack

Not quite as classy as San Diego.

It’s a little hard to believe but Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy turns 15 this year and yet the film still feels as fresh as the smell of Brian Fantana’s cologne.

But for all the crazy trident throwing and outlandish fights between San Diego’s top news teams, there was a point in time where the idea of Anchorman was even crazier than what we got and involved a bizarre combination of plane crashes, throwing stars and deadly orangutans.

Chatting on The Bill Simmons Podcast (via EW), Will Ferrell revealed that his and Adam McKay’s original, incredibly outrageous idea for Anchorman was set in 1976 and involved newsmen from around the country flying in to Philadelphia for a big convention.

Ron somehow convinces the pilot that he can fly the jet and he immediately clips a cargo plane carrying orangutans and Chinese throwing stars before crashing it in the mountains.

The movie then turns into a bonkers survival story where all the newsmen are trying to find civilisation but are getting picked off one by one by the orangutans, who are now armed with the throwing stars.

It honestly sounds like someone watched Cast Away while high and decided to write their own version of the movie, and the result was this first version of Anchorman.

But as amazing as that idea was, the movie studios weren’t biting and Ferrell said it was rejected 10 times in one day. Can’t imagine why the suits didn’t go for the idea.

Even acclaimed director Paul Thomas Anderson, who really wanted to help Ferrell and McKay get a movie made, thought their Anchorman idea was weird and told them to tone it down just a tad.

It’s a bit of a shame we never got to see the Channel 4 news team take on deadly orangutans with hand grenades and bottles of Sex Panther but let’s not lose all hope just yet.

Anchorman 2 came out in 2013, nine years after the first. If they decide to make another sequel, they already have a slam dunk idea in the can. Bring on Anchorman 3: Ron vs the Orangutans in 2022 and remember to stay classy, San Diego.

This Is The Greatest Ad You'll Ever See And $1,000 Says You'll Never Guess What Brand Made It

It's beautiful, disturbing, and far too high brow to be used as a mere ad.

Companies have really stepped up their commercial film game in recent years. Gillette has put out powerful ads that tackled toxic masculinity and starred transgender men, while Nike has done some great stuff to empower women.

But those ads pale in comparison to this little gem that’s basically a sequel to Richard Linklater’s 2014 masterpiece, Boyhood.

Produced by Stink Productions, the film is a beautifully shot two-minute epic that covers the life of a young man from his birth to his 20s. As beautiful as the film is, it is ultimately an ad and I’m willing to bet $1,000 that you will never guess what brand it is for.

Let’s start from the top and see if you can piece it together. First we see the birth of the film’s protagonist:

Then we see his first birthday:

Next is his, uh, first public urination offence?

That kicks off his delinquent primary school years, which involves getting up to shenanigans and fights:

He eventually grows out of that, hits puberty and falls in love for the first time:

Followed by his first heartbreak and subsequent rebellious adolescent phase:

Next comes his “finding himself while backpacking in some random country” phase:

Reality then hits and he’s having to make it out on his own as a young man in his 20s:

But there’s no better way to quell any millennial existential doubt than getting lunch from…Subway?

That’s right, this Oscar-worthy short film is nothing but an ad for Subway, the sandwich pushing fast food restaurant you probably walk by every day.

Video director Ryan Simmons shared this ad on Twitter along with a short FAQ revealing that it is called “Timeline”, it is indeed real, and was produced for Subway Brazil in 2016. While the clip drew little attention back then, its resurfacing has drawn an overwhelming response from the internet, most of which can be summed up as, “Wait WHAT?! That was an ad for Subway?!?”

The whole thing may be an ad – and one that has virtually nothing to do with the product its meant to be plugging – but it is probably the best goddamn ad you’ll ever see.

Check it out in its full glory right here. Don’t worry if you get a hankering for a foot-long meatball sub at the end, that’s natural.

Cate Blanchett Was Secretly Part Of An Iconic Group Love Scene And You Didn't Even Notice

Unsurprisingly, she absolutely nailed it.

There are four things that are certain in life: taxes, death, Cate Blanchett being the best part in whatever film she’s in, and a never-ending appreciation of the late Stanley Kubrick’s work.

Now the iconic director’s final film, Eyes Wide Shut, wasn’t his best work but it does contain one of his most iconic scenes: the ritual orgy scene. The scene is excessively eerie due to details like the setting, the creepy Illuminati outfits and the masks. But the most memorable part is the mysterious masked woman, who really sold the whole sequence when she started chanting spine-chilling stuff.

So what does Eyes Wide Shut have to do with Cate Blanchett? Well, it turns out that Cate is the voice behind the chanting masked woman.

In an oral history of Eyes Wide Shut with Vulture for the film’s 20th anniversary, Kubrick’s assistant, Leon Vitali, revealed that the director wanted a voice that’s “warm and sensual” but could also “be part of a ritual”. Kubrick sadly died before he could find someone so the production crew were tasked with that responsibility.

After Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman suggested Cate, who happened to be in England where they were shooting, the crew got her to come around to chant creepy stuff into a microphone for a few hours.

It ultimately proved to be a genius move as Cate’s voice was like the pièce de résistance of the whole orgy scene, which you can watch right here.

Just a heads up, it’s incredibly NSFW on quite a few levels so watch at your own discretion. For those who can’t stomach it, here’s a puppy.

As for the woman who physically played the masked woman, Abigail Good, she has no hard feelings about Cate’s voice being used instead of hers as she was happy to have worked on what would be Kubrick’s last film and really cherished her time being on set with both the director and Tom.

So there you have it, Cate Blanchett was (technically) in one of film’s greatest orgy scenes that was directed by Stanley Kubrick and you didn’t even notice. That’s a hell of an thing to have listed on your resume.

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