Milk is yuck.
Save your outrage for someone who cares, because that someone isn’t me. Milk is absolutely foul and I can’t stand idly by while my friends, colleagues and general internet grots continue their ritualistic sounding-off about it.
I’ll just be sitting there, living a milk-less life, sipping on a long black and chowing down on a cheeseless toasted sandwich, absolutely loving myself sick for not sending myself to the can in a mad flurry but then, it begins.
Someone brings up milk.
I am forced into a corner, petrified with fear and disgust. Tales of consumption and (worse) APPRECIATION of this absolutely putrid liquid dictate the general conversation. Now is the time to stand up for what the world really needs and it’s a total ban on milk.
I’m not vegan, so don’t try and wave that banner in the comment section because you won’t have any fact to back up your baseless claim. The vegans ruined lasagne, the food of my people, and I’ll never forgive them.
Cow’s milk is rank. Nobody should be going to the fridge and necking a bottle of milk, EVER. How can you, in full faith, coat your insides with weird, white, slime from a literal cow? You must be joking, surely?
After you (ON PURPOSE) drink poison, doesn’t it sit so high in your chest that you can taste it every time you burp? Do you not have a weird film coating your mouth and feel horrendously sick, like someone’s stabbing you in the very pit of your stomach? Are you not violently phlegmmy?
It’s not just cow’s milk that makes me want to tunnel down to the centre of the earth and never return, I’m in the business of cancelling all milk, milky-vibed products and any other kind of weird, white, murky liquid.
That means a big no thank you sir to that soy garbage and those almond or cashew varieties. Extending my distaste for milky alcoholic drinks and milky coffees. Get rid of them all.
Thanks to my mates on Reddit who have brains and respect for themselves, you can browse the thread of intellectuals who agree that milk is rancid.