Upcoming Michael Jackson Musical Blames Sex Abuse On 'Alien Gloves'

...And "virgin boy blood."

If you’ve made the decision to produce a musical about Michael Jackson’s life, how do you deal with the many sexual abuse allegations made against the late singer? According to these producers and playwrights, you blame them on ‘glove-shaped aliens’ feasting on ‘virgin boy blood.’

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the upcoming musical, named For The Love of a Glove: An Unauthorised Musical Fable About The Life of Michael Jackson, focuses on “a group of aliens shaped like bedazzled gloves crash-land in Jackson’s hometown of Gary, Indiana.”

Credit: Rob Kim/Getty Images

“It turns out, [the glove] can give people magical musical talent if it drinks their blood and has part of their body inside of it,” playwright Julien Nitzberg told THR. “But it can only feed on virgin boy blood.”

As the story continues, “one alien glove attaches itself to a young Michael Jackson, who eventually learns that he can’t feed all five alien gloves himself, so he starts bringing boys home.”

Credit: For The Love of a Glove

Nitzberg, who is best known for a 2006 musical about terrorists planning to bow up the Brooklyn Bridge, told THR it’s time for us to “process” Jackson’s story, rather than cancel him. “We should be in ‘process culture,’ where we process how f*cked up people are and understand what made them that way.”

“I think there’s a collective trauma of everyone who grew up as a Jackson 5 fan and a Michael fan. This is a way to process that in a fun way while helping people understand all of the really f*cked up stuff that affected Michael’s life.”

Interestingly, previous reports cited actor Johnny Depp as the producer on the project but his representatives have since denied having anything to do with the musical. 

For The Love of a Glove sounds like it’s going to be a wild and controversial ride and will most definitely be met with mixed reviews. 

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The Most Streamed Artists Of 2019 Reveal Ladies As The Champions

Good luck getting these songs out of your head.

There are less than 30 days left of 2019 and what a decade it’s been. There have been ups, downs, and more chart topping bangers than you could poke a stick at. In saying that, now is the perfect time to look back and reflect on what tracks we were frothing over in 2019.

Spotify Wrapped is returning this month to shed a little light on your listening habits, but the streaming platform is also spilling the tea on our favourite artists of 2019 and over the past decade.

With more than 28 BILLION streams, Drake wins the title of the most streamed artist of the decade. It’s also been a big decade for Ed Sheeran, Post Malone, Ariana Grande and Eminem who join Drake in the top five streamed artists of the last 10 years.

Focusing on 2019, in particular, we were pleased to see the ladies come out on top. Billie Eilish and Ariana Grande came in at second and third most streamed artists globally.

Eilish had a stellar year surpassing 6 BILLION streams in 2019 alone. Her album When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go won the title of the most streamed album of the year and marked the first time a female-led album topped Spotify’s Wrapped! 

Billie and Ari were beaten by Post Malone who took the crown in Australia for most streamed artist of 2019 with ‘Sunflowers’ and ‘Wow.’

The most streamed song of 2019 was (you guessed it) ‘Senorita’ by power couple Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello with 1 billion streams, followed by Eilish’s ‘Bad Guy’ with more than 990M streams. 

It was also a big year for our homegrown talent, with Tones and I, Dean Lewis and 5SOS taking out the most streamed local tracks with ‘Dance Monkey,’ ‘Be Alright’ and ‘Youngblood.’ 

With streams into the millions and billions it looks like pop and rap music is here to stay. Congratulations to all the streamlords – we hear you.

Are We Really That Surprised Billie Eilish Isn't A 70s Rock Expert?

“Music is supposed to bring us together, not divide us."

With so many chart toppers and Grammy nominations under her belt, people often forget that Billie Eilish is only 17 years old. Considering her age, is it really that crazy that she doesn’t know who 70s rock band Van Halen are?

During a recent interview with Jimmy Kimmel, the talk show host asked the singer if she could name any member of Van Halen. 

“Who? No, who is that?” Eilish asked, to which Kimmel responded, “I’m gonna start crying.”

It’s been a few weeks since then but there are plenty of Twitter users who are still in utter disbelief that Eilish doesn’t know who Van Halen is. 

There was so much chatter on Twitter about Eilish’s knowledge of 70s rock music that 28-year-old Wolfgang Van Halen, the band’s current bassist and son of Eddie Van Halen, defended the singer on Twitter.

“If you haven’t heard of Billie Eilish, go check her out. She’s cool,” he wrote. “If you haven’t heard of Van Halen, go check them out. They’re cool, too.”

“Music is supposed to bring us together, not divide us. Listen to what you want and don’t shame others for not knowing what you like.”

Van Halen has a point, and another thing worth mentioning is that the band has technically been on somewhat of a ‘hiatus’ since 2015 so they’re not really on many people’s radar at the moment, let alone a 17-year-old girl’s. 

Perhaps Eilish not knowing Van Halen is a sign of the times. As we enter a new decade is it time to do away with the idea you need a certain amount of music history knowledge?

One of Billie Eilish’s best qualities is that her music has mass appeal – she has fans who are 13 and fans who are 60. There’s no age limit to who loves Billie, and there shouldn’t be any prejudice about who you listen to or know about, either.

This tweet pretty much hits the nail on the head:

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