Bleats

We Finally Have The Single Greatest Moment In Married At First Sight History

We're more shaken than James Bond's martini.

And after the season they’ve had, that’s saying a lot.

But after the second dinner party of the season we were delighted by a single moment, a fleeting glimpse into the souls of the experts and what did we see? Ourselves.

We feel seen.

During the celebrations, the unsure, former-virgin Matt was increasingly more conflicted with how to deal and process how he doesn’t feel that he and his “wife” Lauren’s desires don’t line up and that he doesn’t feel “attracted to her and he’s just not feeling those urges”.

Which may be due to the fact that Lauren opened up about her romantic past and that she “used to be a lesbian” (a statement which is problematic in itself).

At least she was open!

Lauren confronted Matt over revealing this to the guys and this is when the greatest moment in the five-season history of Married At First Sight occurred.

The camera cuts to the three “experts” who are visibly shocked, shaken and disappointed.

YA DUN GOOFED IT! also that’s the actual quote.

A moment of pure, unadulterated beauty because, dear viewer, that is how we’ve felt throughout this whole Ines-fuelled journey.  

Could we take this moment to help capture our feelings at other moments in time?

Yes, yes we can.

The Perfect Guide To Creating The Worst Married At First Sight Villain Of All Time

Love is dead.

Married At First Sight has a knack for creating some of the most despicable villains on TV. Each year we’re given a plethora of applicants for the coveted role with various horrible qualities. Like this year it’s Sam’s vanity and overall obliviousness to Mike’s failure to function as a human being.

But this year’s villain is clearly Ines.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

Ines was positioned as the “one to hate” from her first moment on camera, asking Bronson to get rid of his eyebrow ring at the altar.

Which got us wondering, could we reverse engineer and figure out how these villains come to be?

(The answer is yes… or then this article would be rather pointless.)

Eyebrows say it all.

Step 1. Find somebody opinionated and judgemental.

Ines’ inability to grasp that her “husband” Bronson had a past as a stripper is one of her defining characteristics. Even when Bronson tries to explain his past (of which he is respectfully unashamed of), Ines refuses to entertain a logical thought and look past it.

A smile rivalled only by Jack Nicholson.

Step 2. Pair them with the most, loveable and wholesome contestant.

Sure they’re bad enough already but pairing them with someone so happy, so pure, gives them some contrast and makes the villain truly shine.

Yo Basic. (Get it… because her last name is Basic).

Step 3. Make them loud and rude – and when you think you’ve found them, turn them up to 11.

Ines has never been ashamed of voicing or yelling what she thinks. Offending everyone around her (see: offering a group orgy at a dinner party).

Don’t choke on your aspirations.

Step 4. Make sure that they don’t apologise.

Apologising is a redeemable feature. Don’t let them do that. You want them to stick to their guns and not back down. You want them to be wrong but like, loud at the same time.

Ugh.

If you stick to this criteria, you’ll be set.

What you’re left with is an irredeemable villain but most importantly, one that people will tune in to see every week.

I wish I knew how to quit it.

Elizabeth is my spirit animal.

The Best Thing About Married At First Sight Is Seeing People Lie To Cameras And Forgetting That They’ve Lied - On Camera

THERE ARE CAMERAS EVERYWHERE!

Who would’ve thought that another day of Married At First Sight would give us even more water cooler moments?

Shocker, I know.

Wednesday night kicked off the dinner parties, the holy grail, the last supper of MAFS if you will (although they happen more frequently and with more drama).

On entry, Mike made some less than savoury comments on camera about Jessika as she walked in commenting on what he perceived as “botox lip injections” (which even if there were some enhancements, it’d be lip filler, but I digress).

Do you need her to draw a diaphragm for you?

 

After overhearing this, Jessika confronted Mike about calling her “fake” and what transpired was a back and forth with Mike refusing to budge – even though he was speaking directly to the camera.

BITE YOUR FINGERS AND YOUR TONGUE!

Do any of these people realise that one or multiple cameras are on them all time and that they will be caught out?!

Anyway, you can watch this video for enough gaslighting to brighten up an early-Victorian street:

#Trending

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