Bleats

Here's Why You Keep On Watching The Eternal Dumpster Fire That Is Married At First Sight

We didn't start the fire.

Married at First Sight sucks.

It honestly does, I hate it, it’s ruining my life, my friendships and yet I can’t quit it. It has a power over me unlike anything else. My eyes light up when somebody mentions it but I feel disgusted in myself after watching it, usually surrounded by empty pizza boxes and self-loathing.

So why do we keep on watching it?

‘Tis a dilemma.

Well there are 3 categories that MAFS viewers fit in:

The Cynic: Is it that we’re jaded about love and romance and seeing it not workout is validating? Like god forbid you open yourself up and on the other end is someone like Ines or Susie? No thanks, I’ll take this show as a cautionary tale and enjoy watching people get their heart broken knowing that it’s not happening to me.

Like a hoover.

The Lover: Whether it be on the show, outside of the show or even swapping partners at the dinner party, you’re happy that people are pursuing love. Knowing that although some of the couples might not work out, they’ll have a chance somewhere else… Except Ines, she’s horrid.

Yeah that’s right.

The Commentator: Even though sporting seasons are yet to start, why can’t the yelling? Sometimes (most of the time) the experts mess up and you’re there to let them know what they did wrong… even though it’s a TV and they can’t hear you.

It’s edge of your seat stuff.

But there’s something magical about a show that brings so many people together in the pursuit of love because frankly, it’s nowhere to be seen on screen… except Cam and Jules, they’re a goddamn delight but everyone else sucks and I’ll be tuning in for eternity.

A Farewell To The Ines Basic, The Worst Married At First Sight Contestant We've Ever Seen

Well TV just got a whole lot more boring.

Ladies and gentlemen, the ‘Ines Saga’ of Married At First Sight has come to a end.

Not a satisfying conclusion but a conclusion nonetheless.

At Sunday’s commitment ceremony, the whole cheating debacle came to a head where Sam and Ines’ dirty laundry was hung out in front of everyone… and it was glorious.

Elizabeth put it best.

On the couch, Elizabeth called out the rumours that Sam was “caught” canoodling in the sauna with Ines, which lead to Sam revealing (and in turn throwing Ines under the bus) the steamy, kind-of affair that started with an Instagram DM that turned “cupcake” into safe/codeword.

Sadly it wasn’t a big yellow school bus.

This culminated into a clusterfunk of Ines storming out after Cyrell called her out on her less than stellar response (also have we ever liked Cyrell more?!).

King-ding-a-ling will be in my vernacular forever.

 

After Sam and Elizabeth both opted out of the show, it finally set the stage for Ines and Bronson, the couple that no one thought would make it.

Bronson with his eyebrow ring and Ines with her insufferable personality and pretty much everything she does… on second thoughts the eyebrow ring isn’t that bad.

UGGGGGHHH.

Dealing with the fallout from the reveal of the affair, Ines was unapologetic on the couch, going out like how she lived on the show… as a dumpster fire of a human being. Ines sees nothing wrong in what she did, regrets nothing and says that she’d do it all again.

 

 

Finesse it, Ines.

Ines also brought up the fact that Bronson will get over it because he’s been through worse (alluding to the fact that both of his brothers and mother have passed away).

Unsurprisingly, both Ines and Bronson left the show.

Jules knows the go.

And with that we say goodbye to one of TV’s greatest ever villains, a character so deplorable and irredeemable that from the moment we met her we knew that our lives are going to be forever different, farewell Ines…Basic by name, basic by nature.

Tips For Finding Love And Romance While Cheating According To Married At First Sight's Ines

WHY AM I STILL WATCHING THIS SHOW?<br />

I am tired, I’m fed up and frankly, I can’t stop watching.

This train wreck shows no sign of stopping.

With Ines and Sam’s affair reaching a boiling point, their partners Bronson and Elizabeth are still relatively oblivious but others are starting to suspect something.

Pst, she’s behind you.

This comes to a head at the girls night where Ines is grilled but she can’t tell them for her that will ruin her one shot at true love…  just like Romeo and Juliet.

Maybe our judgement was clouded, maybe the real love story is Sam and Ines and it’s been building to the crescendo of romance and love?

Who cares about “infidelity”, what matters is the destination not the journey.

Love vomit.

The show is called ‘Married At First Sight’ after all and Ines did say that she ‘gets so horny when she sees him’.

Cogs are turning.

Or perhaps I have watched too much of this show and have found myself emotionally destroyed and I need to try to find meaning in it because if I can’t then, well… it was all for nothing.

 

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