The very first episode of a new show has revived one of the oldest mysteries pondered on the internet: why do so many dudes sleep with just one pillow?
When the heroine of Hulu’s series Shrill, Annie (SNL’s Aidy Bryant), gently suggests the manchild she’s sleeping with could purchase a second pillow so she had somewhere to put her head after they hook up, he laughs it off: “I’m your pillow!”
The moment right after where he gets her to leave via the back so his roommates don’t find out he’s sleeping with a fat woman is bad enough. But the pillow moment was also too real for a lot of people.
I also used to hook up with a guy with one pillow so I really felt that
— Mackenzie Newcomb (@MackinStyle) March 24, 2019
I like how we've all dated the same dude with one pillow and a mattress on the floor.
He has had the same pillow for 24 years.
He hasn't washed the pillowcase in 7 months.
— Lesley And Annie (@lesleyanana) July 24, 2018
It’s true, though.
If you’ve ever slept in a straight dude’s bed for the first time, you must prepare yourself for one of two possible scenarios: one single pillow, even if he sleeps in a king-size, or one to two pillows but both offer the thickness and comfort level of a squished Maccas cheeseburger.
men be like “do you wanna sleepover? I only own one pillow and it’s filled with cotton balls and my one blanket that I’ve had since I was 13 and I also don’t own a nightstand so you’ll have to put your glasses on the floor”
— dj (@djfuckedurdad) February 13, 2019
How many times you been to a dude crib and he only got one pillow and it looks like this pic.twitter.com/UOQHfCZu5g
— mani fresh (@QueenCey_) July 27, 2017
Every man i know sleeps with flat pillows. Fucking weirdos. Where are the fluffy pillow men.
— Gina Guillotine (@nintendo6664) August 27, 2018
If there is one thing I have learned in life it is that no matter what kind of career a man has, all men have 2 awful pillows on their bed
— elena~ (@el3namrtns) August 30, 2016
My observation of straight men in my 20’s thus far…
•They only sleep with one pillow
•They don’t know what a top sheet is
•They never have skin care in their bathroom
— N? (@heavensvnt) April 27, 2018
Your one-pillow bed may have more Room For Activities, fellas, but what about after the activities?
And while some people appreciate those women (and some non-women) who Do The Most when it comes to pillows, plenty of straight dudes seem totally confused by the Many Pillowed Beds.
Why do girls sleep with so many damn pillows?
— Those Iowa Boys (@ThoseIowaBoys) September 3, 2013
Why are female's beds soft silky clouds with 6 expensive pillows and men's beds are sandpaper rocks with one pillow made out of hay
— Aviva Yael (@Veevers) January 14, 2017
Sleeping at a girls house: two pillows, 1000 thread count sheets, extra blankets
Sleeping at a guys house: one pillow to share and no fitted sheet— paige ✌️ (@telfordOG) March 23, 2019
The best part about being a girl is that we have so many comfy pillows on our bed as where guys have like one with no pillow case on it
— josilyn (@josi_harms) September 13, 2018
Generalisations? Sure. Intensely relatable and anecdotally totally true? YUP.
So how many pillows is Just Right?
The correct answer is four. If you sleep in a double bed or anything bigger, you should own four pillows, no matter how many people you are or are not dating or what your gender is.
Prefer to sleep on one? Toss the other on the floor. Sleep on one in the middle of the bed, starfish style? One pillow, two pillow, three pillow, FLOOR. Put them back in the morning. Be a damn grown-up.
Or if you like REALLY big, fluffy pillows, one of each is fine. But you need each side to match.
If you want or need any more than that to prop you up while you’re reading, or as spares in case you spill food on one (I see you judging me for eating noodles in bed and I care not) or because you’re into body pillows for literally any reason, go for it.
Girls have so many pillows on their beds because we have different ones for sleeping, punching, screaming into, and humping
— ⚡️Callipygian Muse⚡️ (@CalliopeTreize) January 12, 2015
But just like you should always have one spare clean towel in case of guests or emergencies, it’s only polite to have a small selection of clean pillows that are all fewer than three years old (because they’re full of dead skin and mites because all humans are disgusting).
(Side note: if you fold a pillow in half and it stays like that, it’s dead. Buy a new one.)
Plus, four pillows just look neater on the odd occasion when you actually make your bed – and you can’t have a (fair) pillow fight with only one.
It really all depends how hard you’re trying to pretend to be an adult that day.