Bleats

He May Not Ever Play Bond, But He Does Play Some Mad Beats, So Kick Off Your Weekend Right With Idris Elba On The Decks

Okay, so apart from playing all of our favourite characters in everything ever, and being a dope-ass house DJ - what's he really good at?

What is it about Idris?

I’m not sure if it’s the build, the eyes, the accent or the baritone – but I swear to the gods, that swarthy Adonis could even turn Bob Katter and every one of his Queenslander-eating crocodiles.

As he’s a phenomenal character actor, we all have a favourite Idris. Perhaps yours is the thuggish Mumbles from Rock ‘n’ Rolla, the golden-eyed Heimdall from Thor, or perhaps you’re a traditionalist, and you prefer Idris as Matt Gregory in Dangerfield?

Personally, as a lifetime fan of The Wire, Idris will always be the suited Baltimore gangster Stringer Bell (Strang… to his friends).

Where’s Wallace at, Strang? Sheeeeeeeeit

This is 2018, it’s a new world and we’re all woke now, so you are free to pick the Stringer – I mean, Idris – of your choosing.

However, before you commit to one Idris over all other Idrises (or, is it “Idri?”), allow me to introduce a lesser-known Idris:

Deep house DJ Idris.

Photo by Dave M. Benett / GETTY IMAGES

Yep, on top of being an acclaimed character actor (one who has repeatedly tipped to be the next 007) who has been nominated for a Golden Globe Award four times, a hugely acclaimed kickboxer (I’m not even kidding) and having also been awarded the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire – it turns out that Idris is also a skilled house DJ.

Photo by Jerritt Clark/Getty Images

From the age of 18, Idris was a well-known DJ in the British nightclub scene, where he played under the name “Big Driis.”

Big Driis picked up his skills on the knobs and dials during his formative years, when he would assist his uncle who had a wedding DJ business.

Like I said, you’re free to choose whichever Idris you prefer, but… come on!

Photo by David M. Benett /Getty Images

These days, Idris still runs the tunes at the kind of swish events people with an OBE and four Golden Globe nominations get invited to. Or, as I like to call them, “the kinds of parties I’ll never get to go to.”

Luckily for us, however, Idris recently got back on the decks for an exclusive DJ set at DanceFM in the U.K.

So sit back, turn it up, and let the man work.

Shannon Noll Appearing At Total Success Summit, Presumably To Discuss Being So Totally Successful, Or To Finally Bring Back That Water Rats DVD You Loaned Him

I bet it's not the first time he's reached a summit if you know what I mean. Nah, just yanking your chain, but while I've got you...

When you think of success, two words probably come to mind more than any other: Shannon and Noll.

After all, Nollsy was runner-up against Guy Sebastian in the first Australian Idol, a listed entrant in Dancing With The Stars! Recently, Shannon was also a runner-up in “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here” and the star of some internet videos where he threatens sexual violence against a man’s wife and his mum.

What a top bloke!

Ergh.

Just yanking your chain…

Okay, so maybe Nollsy got cross that one day. Maybe threaten sexual violence and offering someone in the crowd $100 to bash another audience member was just part of blowing off some steam.

I mean, who hasn’t lost their temper? Right?

Nollsy flying off the handle was probably just a one-off threat, something regrettable done in the heat of the moment. It’s not like Shannon would ever hurt a fly, or assault a strip club security guard.

Yes! Success!

Well, whether Nollsy has an anger issue or not, the crew over at the Total Success Summit thought that if anyone could embody their type-a, alpha-as-all-hell brand spirit of total success, it was Nollsy. However, it seems that they wanted to go one step further, so they’ve also recruited mixed martial artist of Ultimate Fighting Championship fame, George St-Pierre.

Because if anything can help people achieve success in their chosen field, it’s a guy who threatens violence against women and bashes security guards, and a guy who used to beat people up for a living.

Motivate! Pivot! Innovate! Succeed!

Okay, as a beta-male I’m probably not the best person to comment on such totes bloke things as achieving your ultimate self and overcoming adversity to strike it rich.

So, if you fancy paying a rich real estate agent $995 to hear from a UFC fighter and attend the VIP party afterwards featuring the musical stylings of Shannon Noll, then jump over to the Total Success website.

While you do that, I’m just going to pour a nice cup of tea, peruse the Shannon Noll Facebook comments, and pretend that everything is going to be okay.

With skim milk

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