Bleats

The Movie 'Orphan' Seems To Have Inspired This Real Life Attempted Murder

Translation: NOPE.

There’s a reason I don’t watch horror movies – that crap gives me nightmares. 

There is nothing fun or pleasant about watching a possessed doll slowly kill-off a suburban family, or a creepy arse clown torment a group of young kids. 

Nope, no, never, NO THANK YOU. 

lol NO. Source: Giphy

But one thing is worse than horror movies – real life horrors. 

If I close my eyes and whisper “it’s not real” enough times after watching a movie, I can get some sleep. But you can’t do that with, well, reality. 

The latest in real life things that keep me up at night: this story about an adopted 6-year-old girl who turned out to be a 22-year-old with dwarfism. 

Kristine Barnett and her ex-husband Michael Barnett adopted Ukrainian-born Natalia Grace and loved her as their own child. 

“I always wanted to have a larger family and I had very severe complications in my pregnancies and was unable to have more children,’ Kristine explained to the Daily Mail.

“I also at that time had a very privileged life. I felt that if I had the ability to help another person in the world then I wanted to do it.”

But over the next year, Kristine said Natalia’s behaviour went from odd to straight-up disturbing. 

“She would make statements and draw pictures saying she wanted to kill family members, roll them up in a blanket and put them in the backyard,” Kristine told the publication. 

“She was jumping out of moving cars. She was smearing blood on mirrors. She was doing things you could never imagine a little child doing. I saw her putting chemicals, bleach, Windex something like that, in my coffee and I asked her, what are you doing? She said, “I am trying to poison you”.” 

Again I say, nope, no, never, NO THANK YOU. 

NOPE. Source: Giphy

This story has all the elements of a horror movie: an unsuspecting Christian couple adopts a cute little girl from the Ukraine only to discover she is an adult sociopath masquerading as a child. 

Actually, it is a horror movie – it follows the exact plot of the 2009 movie Orphan in which a couple adopt a ‘little girl’ who tries to murder her family when it’s revealed she is actually 33. 

In 2012, Marion County Superior Court in Indianapolis determined that Natalia (AKA real life Orphan horror movie girl/woman) was born in 1989, rather than 2003 as stated on her Ukrainian birth certificate. 

Later that year, Kristine and Michael abandoned their ‘daughter’ and fled to Canada. They have since been arrested on child abandonment charges and released on bail – probably because the police department realised that them fleeing was a perfectly normal thing to do given their circumstance. 

If I found out my child was a 20-something-year-old with murderous tendencies I wouldn’t hang around either. 

Yowies Are Real So Guess I’m Becoming A Hermit

Nightmare material.

Horror movies are my personal brand of hell: possessed dolls and demons and human centipedes are a huge no from me. 

Supernatural horror especially terrifies me. It makes me so paranoid that I’ll even block my ears and close my eyes if a movie trailer comes on while I’m watching TV. 

Where can I get me some zippable eyelids? Source: Giphy

So when I heard that two Aussie teens recorded the sounds of a Yowie howling I basically peed my pants. 

Then I listened to the recording and I definitely peed my pants. Movies are one thing, but real life monsters are a whole other ball game that I do not want to participate in. 

Yowies are basically the Australian version of big foot. They’re big, fury, scary monsters said to live in the outback. 

Translation: NO THANK YOU. 

NOPE. Source: Giphy

The two teens were reportedly star gazing in the Gold Coast’s Tallebudgera Valley when they heard a “deep, moaning growl.”

Because a wild animal growling in your vicinity is apparently not terrifying, the kids hung around to suss out the sound. 

“We were sitting there and then started to hear the sound. It was clearly large,” one of the teens, Harrison Ryan, told The Courier Mail

“It was deep moaning growling, but wasn’t consistent. We were trying to see whether a cow would make that sound. We weren’t too sure and stuck around for another half an hour listening.”

Then, they went back two nights later. THAT’S LIKE EVERY MISTAKE IN EVERY HORROR MOVIE EVER: YOU NEVER GO BACK TO THE SCARY PLACE. 

Legitimate question. Source: Giphy

The scariest part about this whole story is that it’s not just two teens talking smack to scare people. Their claims have been supported by a legitimate zoologist and ABC wildlife expert, Gary Opit. 

There is always a possibility it could be the bellowing of cattle, but given where the recording was made I am inclined to think it was a yowie. The yowie calls are always very powerful calls,” he told The Courier Mail. 

Mr Opit claims to have heard yowie roars himself on a number of occasions in the Hinterland. Oh, and there were reports last week that 

The reports follow claims last week that a Currumbin Valley family had been stalked by a “large hairy animal” and the discovery of a large “footprint” at Mount French.

This is how I die. Source: Giphy

I’m officially never leaving my house again. I wonder how long I can ration the food in my pantry… 

We Now Know How Woody From Toy Story Dies

There's a new sheriff in town.

I’m late to the game when it comes to the Toy Story movies.

I only watched them all for the first time a couple of months ago (don’t hate me) but I assure you my love for them is just as real as yours.

But this isn’t about me. Buzz and Woody are the icons of an entire generation. We (well, not me) grew up watching them fight for what they believe and they taught us how to be kind, brave and a loyal friend.

The kinda friend we need in life

It seems like Woody won’t be making new friends anytime soon ‘cause he’s finally met his maker. Specifically, Chucky from Child’s Play.

Poor Woody was probably just trying to find his friends when he stumbled into the wrong toy box. Sid’s got nothing on Chucky, that’s for sure.

Do you think Buzz is looking for him?

And poor Bo Peep probably thinks he’s ghosted her.

Still a better love story than Twilight.

Woody isn’t actually in the Child’s Play movie. The horror film is just having some fun with its shared release date with Toy Story 4. If you can call murdering a friendly toy sheriff fun.

Check out the trailer for Child’s Play here:

Then remember happier times with the Toy Story 4 trailer:

June 21 is gonna be one heck of a day. I’m gonna go lock away all my childhood toys and throw away the key.

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