Bleats

Gillian Anderson To Confuse And Arouse You As Margaret Thatcher In The Crown's Fourth Season

Why do they keep casting hot people as the weird old Brits we don't like?

As the events of Netflix’s The Crown creep ever further towards the current day, casting news gets more and more fun. Not only are we getting the beautifully bonkers pairing of Olivia Colman and Helena Bonham Carter as the older Elizabeth and Margaret in season 3, but we also get to speculate who else might join the cast to play faces we’re more familiar with than “the main butler guy” and “I think it’s Lord Chamberlain-Featherstonehaugh or something?”

But as if our confused attraction to horrid old Prince Phillip in the form of floppy-haired, bearded Matt Smith wasn’t bad enough, now we have to contend with being kinda horny for Margaret Thatcher.

How are they managing this sorcery, you ask?

By casting actual goddess and British-raised icon Gillian Anderson as the Iron Lady herself.

Now the internet is freaking out. Because on the one hand: Gillian Anderson.

On the other: Margaret Thatcher.

Or, put another way: Gillian Anderson…

As Margaret Thatcher.

Thatcher likely won’t appear until the show’s fourth season and we’re yet to even get a release date for the third, so you have a fair while to prepare yourself for some very weird boners.

In the meantime, you can enjoy Anderson somewhat less problematically as a sex therapist/MILF in Netflix’s Sex Education.

Gillian Anderson: ruining lives in the best way possible since 1996.

There Are So Many Parts To Bandersnatch That Some Of Them May Never Actually Be Seen, Black Mirror Creators Say

Challenge accepted.

The days after Christmas were the perfect time for Netflix to drop Bandersnatch, the twisty, creepy interactive Black Mirror movie.

Below you’ll find a heap of spoilers for most of Bandersnatch, just FYI.

Not only do most people have extra hours to spend playing out the different paths and endings, but they also have an amazing amount of time to spend finding Easter eggs like the in-universe game you can actually play, arguing over whether it’s a game or a movie, picking out every reference to other Black Mirror episodes, and mapping every possible option.

Or so they thought.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, director David Slade told reporters at a media screening that there are scenes that were shot and included that might never actually be seen – presumably because the specific path to get to a certain scene or ending is so obscure that the odds someone will follow it exactly are slim to none.

“There are scenes that some people just will never see and we had to make sure that we were OK with that,” he said. “We actually shot a scene that we can’t access.”

The project is so complex, in fact, that it delayed Black Mirror‘s fifth season.

There are walkthroughs on game site IGN (arguably a point for the “Bandersnatch is a video game” camp) that can guide viewers on how to get to certain endings, which choices are Dead Ends that force you to go back and make different choices, and details about the mechanics of the story, like the fact that there are two “true” endings that trigger the credits automatically, or that you can play out four of the five endings in one viewing but never all five.

https://www.twitter.com/FvckEnrique/status/1079522480279220224

One thing you may have noticed if you’ve explored a bit of this is that there’s no real “good” ending for our poor protagonist Stefan – he ends up either in jail or dead, unless you navigate out on one of the meta endings.

So perhaps, in true Black Mirror style, the hidden scene is the happy ending we might never see.

So if you’re feeling a bit bad for putting Stefan through all this trauma, maybe imagine this: somewhere out there, there’s a path where he’s making a game that’s at least a solid 4 out of 5, not murdering his dad or roundhouse kicking his therapist, and happily listening to the Thompson Twins on a bus.

The Best Shows You Should Catch Up On, According To How Much Time Off You Still Have Left

Because doing things is overrated.

So you’ve watched all the festive movies, gorged yourself on the cricket and even found yourself accidentally gazing slack-jawed at the Queen’s Christmas message.

Plus, it’s hot as balls.

So what do you have time to binge in the remaining [insert number of leave days here] before you have to drag your sweaty butt back to the cracker factory?

However many days you have left, here’s a list of shows you can vacuum up into your summer-and-wine-and-leftover-ham-fried brain while you eat zooper doopers in front of an oscillating fan in however much time you have left.

sweaty vagina

These are calculated (with the help of BingeClock) using a rough 9-5 schedule – seven hours of viewing time, same as you might spend in the office during a normal workday. It also lets you get up and make lunch or do some laundry for an hour or so at some point, and allows you to peel yourself off the couch, shower, and head out to see some friends in the evening.

Of course, it also works for 9pm to 5am if you’re into that, or got a slab of Red Bull from your dodgiest cousin for Christmas.

One day

Something British, obviously.

There are only 13 episodes of Fawlty Towers, and they’re all on Stan.

Surprisingly wonderful romcom series Lovesick (which used to be called Scrotal Recall, which is probably why you haven’t watched it because ugh) is on Netflix, and is a perfect hangover binge: gentle, funny, real, and full of good smoochin’.

But if you’ve watched and rewatched nine seasons of the US version of The Office, perhaps it’s worth taking a look at the original. It doesn’t have the essential sweetness of the NBC remake, but it’s a great reminder of when Ricky Gervais actually wrote good comedy instead of being an edgelord with fake teeth.

It’ll take you seven hours start to finish, and that’s WITHOUT skipping the opening credits.

 

Two days

If you have two days to kill but don’t like shows that star Kristen Bell and feature Adam Scott in a recurring guest role, or vice versa, then I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. Nobody can help you.

If you DO like those things, great! Party Down is a cult classic that about fourteen people watched at the time it aired (about ten years ago), and if you’ve ever worked in hospitality and/or anything that’s Just Your Day Job while you wait to Make It, it’ll resonate. There are 20 episodes on Stan, and it’s perfect.

Alternately, you can catch up on one of the latest shows that everyone’s obsessed with: The Good Place. The surprisingly wholesome, insanely clever afterlife sitcom is on hiatus, with three more episodes due in January to close out its third season, and catching up on Netflix now means you’ll get to watch the very latest ep “Janet(s)”, which is possibly the single best episode of TV from this entire year.

Stranger Things is also a neat two-full-day Netflix binge – but come on, who hasn’t watched it yet?

 

Three days

With a mysterious, possibly interactive movie-length episode of Black Mirror about to drop on Netflix, there’s never been a better time to catch up on the anthology show’s unique brand of existentially horrifying techno-cynicism (and occasional sweetness) – especially if one of your New Year’s resolutions is to use your phone less.

I mean, you might never want to leave your house again after 17 hours of watching all the creative ways technology can f**k you up, but at least you’ll have more time to catch up on all this great TV.

If you want something a little more uplifting, go with Please Like Me on Netflix – the sweet, aching Australian series that will win over even the wariest of “I just find that Josh Thomas guy kind of annoying” people. It has its bleak moments, but it also has perfect writing, and Hannah Gadsby.

 

Four days

The Handmaid’s Tale, all 23 hours of which is on SBS On Demand, is a perfect way to prepare for 2019’s inevitable misogynist f**kery. However, I cannot in good conscience recommend you watch it for four straight days without breaking it up with some Party Down (see Two days, above) – or without a buddy.

 

Five days

Congrats! You have exactly the right amount to time to catch up on our decade’s increasingly bonkers entry in the hallowed tradition of shows that make you go: wait, these are supposed to be teenagers, right?

That’s right, it’s Riverdale time.

That way you’ll be all up to date for the Bizarrodale and noir episodes. Because you’re going to have feelings about those.

 

Six days

If you’ve never quite glommed on to Brooklyn 99, now is actually the perfect time. With the newest season coming back in the US on January 10, you can hop on Netflix and catch up on roughly one season a day between now and then, and still have time to hit the beach a couple of times.

 

Seven days

Congrats! You have the perfect amount of time to get caught up on Outlander – the biggest, horniest, bloodiest, most expensivest time travel show going. The first three seasons are on Netflix, and the current season is airing on Foxtel.

 

Eight

If you want to ruin your own life in the best way, get amongst Friday Night Lights on your eight days off. The best news is that season 2 kind of sucks a lot of the time, so you can totally do something else while you slog through that Landry and Tyra plotline towards some more of the best TV ever made – and a young Michael B Jordan.

And if you need something lighter, make sure you’re not sleeping on New Girl, which quietly went from an annoying Zooey Deschanel vehicle to the best hangout sitcom on TV, and finally wrapped up this year. Get amongst it, you bird-shirted puzzle babies.

Nine days

Are you kidding? I’m not going to enable you any more. Read a damn book. Rest your eyes. There’s a whole new year of Peak TV coming.

Go play outside. Seriously.

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