Bleats

Jon Snow Should Not Lead The Battle Plan For Game Of Thrones’ Last War And Here’s 3 Seasons Of Proof

Great fighter, terrible strategist.

Jon Snow has demonstrated that he is good at commanding the loyalty of the people. They voluntarily named him King in the North and have stood by him through even the spicier decisions made during his leadership.

Jon has demonstrated that he is good at fighting. He’s very good at fighting – that much is not up for debate. This kid has survived through more battles than seems reasonable and his swordsmanship prevails every time. Snaps for Jon, look at him go.

But when it comes to battle strategy, Jon Snow has proven that this is just not his forté. If the Northern/Daenerys alliance is smart, they’ll bench Jon from the planning team for this ‘Last War’ against Cersei Lannister.

They just need to step back and reflect on the failure’s of Jon’s battle plans in recent past (season, to us). That should make it pretty clear that Jon is much more useful on the frontlines than he is in strategy meetings.

Let’s reflect.

Season 6: The Battle Of The Bastards

Ramsay Bolton is one of the most vile characters that the Game of Thrones writers have ever brought into existence. So winning the battle against the Bolton army was particularly important, as the North was otherwise doomed to remain under the hold of a masochistic crazy man.

Although Sansa tried to warn Jon of Ramsay’s particular brand of wicked savagery, Jon, of course, did not herald her advice. Instead he fell right into the Bolton’s torture trap and doomed his army to defeat.

Jon charges Ramsay’s army all alone after Rickon is killed in front of him, which is exactly the opposite of the strategy agreed upon with his commanders before going into battle. He acts on impulse, emotion, and stubborn pride, as if charging an entire army alone is an act of vengeance that will be helpful in anyway.

The only reason the entirety of Jon Snow’s Northern and Wildling followers are not murdered in the Battle of the Bastards is because Lady Sansa Stark comes through. She organised for Littlefinger’s Nights of the Vale to save them from bloody defeat.

Season 7: The Battle Beyond The Wall

This was a slow season, in which Jon Snow manages to make a copious number of bad decisions. The crowning terrible decision of them all is his initiative to take a confusingly small troupe of men north of the wall to capture a White Walker.

That in itself makes no sense because it’s a strategy to help them get more troupes on board to face the wight army later, but obviously seeking out a White Walker runs them into the undead army then and there??? With like 10 dudes??? Silly.

It also was wishful thinking to think that presenting Cersei Lannister with a single White Walker zombie would prompt her to put aside her grudges and fight alongside them. Have you met Cersei? Fat chance.

Inevitably, Jon Snow’s Very Well Thought Through Plan to go grab a wight north of the Wall ends Extremely Well.

His mates die, a dragon dies, he nearly dies, everyone is cold. Plus Cersei is not particularly moved by the zombie presentation so was it all worth it? Nope!

Great call Jon.

Season 8: The Battle Of Winterfell

Season 8 spoilers ahead, obviously. The Battle of Winterfell has been called out by both military professionals and merely logical fans for being an objectively poor battle strategy. Between the massacre of the Dothraki that kicks off the battle to the placement of the fire trench, the whole thing was a bit of a mess.

If it wasn’t for Arya Stark training up to be the skilled assassin that Westeros desperately needed, the realm of the living would be part of the Night King’s undead army.

In episode four of the final season, Jon didn’t heed Sansa’s advice, once again, and they ended up losing another dragon. Face it, with the ‘Last War’ coming up, it is time to bench Jon from strategy team.

Sophie Turner Shutting Down Nick Jonas’ Attempt At A Game Of Thrones Inside Joke Is Ruthless

He doesn't even go here!

Between chugging wine on a stadium screen and sharing the most accurate reaction videos to the adventures of Arya Stark in Game of Thrones’ final season, Sophie Turner has a reputation for being the sassiest boss of both the GoT and Jonas Brother family.

So of course, when Nick Jonas made a cheeky Game of Thrones joke about his Met Gala look, Sophie came through with the signature sass.

Nick was looking dapper on the pink carpet alongside Priyanka Chopra, but fans commented on the resemblance to GoT baddie Little Finger. Spot on to be honest.

Responding to Nick’s caption, “Sansa… We must protect the vale.” Sophie Turner replied with a harsh reminder that she killed off his manipulative ass in season seven. Get wrecked.

Nick Jonas Game of Thrones cosplay has nothing on Joe Jonas’ full Sansa Stark get up last Halloween.

But at the end of the day, all is fair in love and siblings-in-law.

A Disposable Coffee Cup Wasn’t The Only Mistake In Game Of Thrones' Latest Episode

Confused.

Spoilers ahead for Game of Thrones season 8 episode 4

Game of Thrones is being gently roasted for leaving a disposable coffee cup in the feast scene after spending years on this final season. Fair’s fair, and the show admitted that they f**ked up.

But arguably, there was another mistake in episode five. Or two really. The first is the fact that the Northern crew and Khaleesi’s people surely by now would have made some armour for the damn dragons???

They know these dragons are prime targets, they know the dragons can be taken down by puncture wounds, and yet, no one thought to build armour for these guys? Seems unlikely. The dragons were their greatest asset, and now they only have one.

But my biggest gripe with the narrative choices in episode five have to do with the major death at the end.

Sweet, kind Missandei. You did not deserve to die, but once captured, it was inevitable.

The mistake was that Tyrion thought he could get Cersei to surrender by asking nicely, and that he survived.

Tyrion was smarter than this for about six and a half seasons, and then suddenly he’s being written as a great big dummy???

He’s just like “Pretty please sister?” as if this woman didn’t blow up hundreds of people a hot minute ago.

I know that Tyrion seems to hit a nerve with Cersei and she’s been presented with the opportunity to kill him before and lacked follow through. But at this point, when Cersei is so close to either defeat or victory and her brother is standing in her way, I just don’t believe Cersei is having mercy???

cersei

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