Bleats

$5 Lunch Ideas For When You're Tired Of The Same Old Salad

You can save money *and* also not eat horrible garbage!

Leaving the office for a few sanity-minutes in the middle of the day can be one of life’s great joys, but lordy, you pay for the privilege.

Even the most high-value foodcourt or discounted pub lunch can see you drop an easy hunge on weekly dining over a year. That’s over $5k you could be spending on far better things.

Like… um, whatever this is.

And the answer, which you already know, is bringing lunch from home WAIT THERE ARE SOME REALLY GOOD EASY OPTIONS COME BACK.

And yes, we get it. Prepping lunches is rarely bitchin’ fun times. But think of it like this: if you were offered $75 for less than an hour of food-making time, you’d take it, right? ‘Xactly.

So why not try…

Dinner part 2!

If you’re price-conscious you’re probably buying the cheaper, larger supermarket portions which are too much to have in a single meal but annoying as hell to portion off.

For example: you’ve bought some stir fry beef, it’s been in the freezer, and you don’t want to try chipping off a third of it – and you’re not going to thaw it and then refreeze it, are you? No. No no no no no no.

So instead: make a big wokful of goodness, and then portion off some for tomorrow’s lunch. Boom. Done. No chipping involved.

Soup: Wonderful, wonderful soup

When it’s cold out it’s the perfect excuse to make a huge pot of pea and ham soup, or cauliflower and pea, or cannellini bean and pea soup. Any soup, really. And there are so damn many to experiment with!

The beauty of it is that you only have to make the thing once and boom, you have loads of the stuff that’s easy to freeze and easy to heat up.

Speaking of which…

Use Every Part Of The… Um, Dinner

Don’t hurl your leftover vege scraps from dinner straight into the green bin: they make a perfect base for a vegetable soup.

Bung them in a pot of water, boil it up, simmer away, refrigerate and boom: FREE LUNCH!

Build An Easy-To-Construct Office Falafel

The best part is that it’s not only cheap but something which doesn’t rely on having good kitchen facilities in your workplace: a packet of wraps, some hummus, tomatoes, lettuce. No need for a microwave or a toaster or a non-disgusting sandwich press!

Insta-Pho is a thing

Got a kettle in the office? Is there an Asian grocery nearby? Instant pho is less than a dollar a packet, and you’re one boiling kettle away from Vietnamese noodle goodness.

Adopt these habits and boom, you’ll be cruising around in your hover-jetski in no time!

You've Been Peeling Garlic Wrong This Whole Time

All those wasted hours, our fingernails sore and reeking…

Look, there’s no easy way to say this: if you’ve been peeling garlic, or smushing them with a knife and scraping the garlic-flesh from its crispy cocoon, then you’ve been garlicking all wrong. And yes, that is a verb. Probably.

View this video made by a certified genius and feel the scales fall from your eyes, fellow garlic-wrongers. Let us learn and grow together.

Excuse us, we have to pop out and grab ourselves a garlic-stabbing knife. OUR NEW LIVES START TODAY!

Mariah Carey Won A Nobel Prize According To This Cake Decorator And, Fair

All I want for Christmas is… um, a unifying theory on gamma radiation.

Generally speaking it is best, when ordering a custom-decorated cake, to do so in person.

But there are times when one must do so over the phone – as when one’s officemate desires a birthday cake celebrating their love for Mariah Carey, and then… well, this happens.

At least one of those cupcakes had better be radioactive.

For those unfamiliar with this pioneer of science, Marie Curie is credited with discovering two elements (polonium and radium) and forging the first comprehensive theory of radioactivity. She was also the first woman to win a Nobel Prize, and is beloved for hits like ‘Hero’, ‘Fantasy’ and ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’. Sorry, not that last bit. Man, this is an easy mistake to make.

To be fair to Mariah, she has long had a keen interest in physics. Her 2008 album E=MC2 was, after all, essentially a musical thesis on cosmology, with ‘Side Effects’ a detailed discussion of the effects of gamma radiation on human tissue, ‘Touch My Body’ being a primer on the electromagnetic force between atoms and ‘Migrate’ exploring theories on solar system evolution and the relative positions of the gas giants, featuring T-Pain.

“Touch my body, put me on the floor / Pi to two decimals is 3.14…”

However, the most impressive thing about this cake – aside from Mme Curie’s baleful stare – was that they correctly spelled “Siobhan”. I have a niece with that name and goddamn, they deserve a tip purely for not icing it “Happy Birthday Shivorn”.

In any case: salut, unknown cakesmith. You have done the culture a solid.

Pop-up Channel

Follow Us