Bleats

This 'Backwards' Bikini Top Is Getting Absolutely Roasted Online

Did anyone actually buy this?

Are you one of those folks who thinks a trip to the beach isn’t filled with quite enough risk? 

Blue bottles? Not a big deal. Rips? No prob. Embarrassing sunburn in hard to reach/easy to chafe places? NBD.

So, without further ado, please welcome the swimsuit that’ll turn your next sand sesh into the Thunderdome:

Looks…nice?

See what we mean about risk? One wrong move and you’re in trouble. 

The ‘bikini’ – technically ‘In The Style Buckle Micro Bikini Top’ from ASOS – is getting blasted online thanks to Instagram account @asbos_sos who captioned their post, “When you get dressed (and you’re) still drunk.”

Followers felt the bikini top – RRP $25, on sale for $18 at time of writing – looked “backwards”.

When you’re half asleep/drunk and put your bra on back to front…” one person wrote.

Another added: “When you pick up the luggage straps instead of your bra because it’s dark.”

To each their own?

There's A Massive Conspiracy Going On In The World Of Cosmetics And I'm Here To Blow The Lid Off It!

Nobody's talking about it, but it's there. We can't ignore it anymore. It needs to come out!

It’s happened guys, the conspiracy theory of our time has finally been revealed.

See this?

‘tis fake.

Yup, I’m calling it.

The fan brush, often used for highlighting one’s cheekbones and being shamelessly self-indulgent, is useless at best, a sham at worst.

We know what you’re thinking. And yes, this ‘conspiracy’ falls well to the left of things like ‘9/11 wasn’t real’ and ‘Justin Bieber is a lizard-person’ but stick with me.

‘Cause I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this the truth must come out.

Plastered across YouTube and glow-up ‘grams, the fan brush has been lauded as revolutionary and a must-use for anyone seeking to have their face ‘pop’.

No, not like that.

Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time James Charles rocked up on my feed with a cheekbone on the Mohs’ scale and fan brush daintily in hand…

But I digress.

The humble fan brush, ranging in price from $1 to just shy of a hundy, has long been a shameful secret of wannabes.

For too long we’ve bought these brushes only to test them out and see jack all highlight and if anything, a feeling of diminished feminity (how can we be #beautiful if we cannot #glow?)

For too long we’ve believed the lies told by Beautiful People.

For too long we’ve wasted product and watched it dust our clothing/floors/dreams.

Twitter user @Tashira_davis has also posted her dislike of the prod to much applause (only 60 per cent of which is from me).

Passionate comments range from agreement, alternate tool suggestions, folks jumping at the chance to share selfies, and jokes about the brush being better used to paint Bob Ross’s happy trees.

Thankfully, a little research proves me, Tashira and a horde of Twitter users right.

You see, the fan brush’s long, loosely-packed bristles are literally built for

1. losing product
and
2. dumping said product onto the skin with nary a care for blending.

And while a single smear does well for both bagels and a poppin’ Instagram, IRL it looks a little… mad.

So, I’m calling it.

The fan brush as a highlighter tool? Conspiracy and a half.

Finally, because I’m a giver, other methods of highlighting include:

A damp beauty blender, tapered brush (Real Techniques tapered is super popular) or your actual damn fingers.

And thus, the fan brush was thwarted.

#Trending

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