Bleats

The Humble Kitchen Mistakes That Made Masterchef 2020 So Relatable

We are all Master Chefs now.

Masterchef 2020 has been a whole new experience – new judges, old contestants and enforced social distancing for over half of the season. The COVID-19 pandemic has forced us inside and allowed us to build our new routines from the ground-up and for a vast majority of the Australian population, that included sitting down for Masterchef at 7:30pm – bringing appointment viewing back from the brink.

In addition to our open-arms welcome of legit sitting down and watching telly (because, what else is there to do?) we’ve also had time to dabble in the kitchen ourselves. I think this might’ve been a contributing factor to the relatability of this season of Masterchef, in particular.

We saw some pretty relatable eff-ups this season, akin to our very own kitchen blunders – so seeing as Masterchef 2020 has sent their last dish off the pass and given the winner her trophy, it seemed only fitting to take a trip down memory lane at some of the most humble kitchen mistakes.

Grabbing a hot pan.

My hand is twitching as I write this, thinking about Laura grabbing a hot pan in the Masterchef Grand Finale and getting the most intense injury of the entire season. Hindsight is 20/20 but in the Masterchef kitchen (and your own) it’s an easy mistake to make when you’re thinking about a million things at once.

Poor time management.

Everyone, say it with me – 3… 2… 1… Poh. The perpetuator of my anxiety. Masterchef fans online gave Poh absolute shit for being bad at time management when in reality, we’re all as bad as each other. Yes, at least 90% of Poh’s screen time was her watching a clock, or an oven, or a freezer but I know I’ve been in her same position after putting a box of Maxibons in the freezer after they’ve gone a bit melty in the car – you just want things to hurry up and I feel that.

Forgetting the salt.

A simple mistake, made so many times in the Masterchef kitchen – but mostly by our mate Hayden. It’s super easy to over-season or under-season if you’re not tasting your food as you go, so if anything has burned itself into my brain this Masterchef season, it’s Jock Zonfrillo saying “TASTE YER FOOOD” in his gorgeous, thick, dreamy accent. (So sorry.)

Burning stuff.

Masterchef 2020 will go down in history as the season where three professional chefs burnt crumpets. I personally reckon it’s because they tried to make their own instead of just whipping out the packet ones – there’s zero chance of burning those because they always just seem a liiiittleee raw. But burning stuff? Yeah, we’re right there with ya.

Leaving the fridge open.

So sorry to Laura, I’m not picking on you babes, you just had a bit of a rough trot at the end of the Grand Finale and I just know people felt your pain on this one. Poor Laura quite literally just left the fridge open, so her gelato melted and re-froze – and unfortunately that was one of the reasons that she didn’t ultimately win Masterchef 2020.

These mistakes are so tiny to us but in the heat of the Masterchef kitchen, it can totally cost you.

I have adored this season of Masterchef so, so much – I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve fallen in love with each of the individual judges and now I have crushes on them all that I don’t know how to shake – but I reckon it was just what Australia needed in a time where we needed some real comfort.

Now Caitlyn Jenner Wants In On Kanye’s Presidency, And We’re Exhausted

Kanye West, rapper and shoe salesman, would very much like to be the president please.

On the late hours of July 4th of 2020, Kanye West took to Twitter to announce his bid for presidency, again. He said, “We must now realize the promise of America by trusting God, unifying our vision and building our future. I am running for president of the United States #2020VISION” – Now I don’t know about you, but it feels like Kanye’s presidency campaign slogan might date a little bit there…

Hear all about Kanye’s bid for president here:

This is not the first time that Kanye has floated the idea of copping the top job. If we cast our little minds all the way back to the 2015 Video Music Awards, Kanye jumped on the stage to receive the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. In his speech, he announced: “It’s about ideas, people who believe in truth. And yes, as you probably could have guessed, I have decided in 2020 to run for president.”

Of course, this was before Trump and his running mate, Mike Pence, were formally elected by the Electoral College on December 19, 2016. Kanye has since buddied up with Trump on numerous occasions and shown his support for the current president.

Since then, the world is a very different place and we kinda can’t be shocked by anything anymore.

After the formal announcement from Kanye on Twitter, things were full steam ahead, for 11 days. Things quickly came to a halt as reports swirled that Kanye’s presidency was over before it began because he had missed so many registration deadlines.

Caitlyn Jenner put those rumours to bed and took it upon herself to stir up more hype around Kanye as president by teasing to paparazzi that she ‘texted Kanye and asked to be Vice President’ – casual.

Not to be that person but there’s literally a (very offensive) South Park gag about this.

At this point, we’re just expecting this kind of thing. Who knows what will come of Kanye’s presidency, if anything.

Why You Can Comfortably Ignore Rumours About A ‘New Star Sign’

NASA really thought they did something.

If you’re one of the unlucky few who got a tattoo of your revised star-sign after NASA claimed in 2016 that they ‘discovered the existence of a 13th star sign’ and shuffled the dates around to suit – or booked a tattoo removal because your old star sign tattoo was null and void with the new dates – I am personally so sorry to you. Hear all the details below:

Just as a refresher for people who teeter on the fence of this Astrology game – in the tropical zodiac, we recognise 12 star signs: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces. These are the ones that you would’ve seen in memes on IG and horoscopes in magazines.

This was until 2016 when NASA – the same people who might’ve fak*d the moon l*nding – shared that we should recognise a 13th star sign, a ‘new’ star sign, Ophiuchus because it exists as a constellation in the ecliptic.

The ecliptic basically starts with a hypothetical line from the earth and points to the sun and out into space – and then as the earth orbits the sun, the hypothetical lines moves through space and touches the different constellations as it goes past.

Throwing it all the way back to 5th century BCE, Babylonian texts described the positions of the Sun, Moon and the planets as 12 equally-spaced signs, with each one assigned to a zodiacal constellation.

The Babylonians were aware of Ophiuchus way back when, but the reason we recognise 12 signs in the tropical zodiac is not because of the amount of constellations, but based on the phases of the moon.

There are 88 constellations in this ecliptic, and if the Babylonians were to include all the constellations, it’d be a pretty big nightmare for tattooists around the world.

Basically, you’re fine. Your star sign is your star sign and NASA should lowkey just butt out – this is Astrology not Astronomy, babes.

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