Bleats

2019's Biggest Moments Ranked From Lawful Good To Chaotic Evil

From lawful evil to chaotic good.

2019 was a HUGE year. Not only did it mark the end of the decade, but it was an emotional rollercoaster with more ups and downs than an episode of Desperate Housewives. Reflecting on the year that was got the GOAT team thinking…the only way to possibly sum up the biggest moments of 2019 is via the Dungeons and Dragons alignments – the categorisation of ethical and moral perspectives from good to evil.

After careful consideration, here’s where we reckon 2019’s biggest moments sit on the spectrum:

Lawful Evil

A lawful evil villain methodically takes what he wants within the limits of his code of conduct without regard for whom it hurts.

Credit: Getty

The Australian government’s reluctance to acknowledge the benefits of pill testing at music festivals, the revelations around police strip-searches, and the impact of Australia’s religious discrimination bill off the back of Israel Folau’s controversial comments on same-sex marriage and sexuality.

Neutral Evil

A neutral evil villain does whatever she can get away with. She is out for herself, pure and simple. She sheds no tears for those she kills, whether for profit, sport, or convenience.

The hot mess that was Cats the movie, dodgy influencers and particularly the ones who rushed to climb Uluru before it was prohibited.

Chaotic Evil

A chaotic evil character does whatever his greed, hatred, and lust for destruction drive him to do. He is hot-tempered, vicious, arbitrarily violent, and unpredictable. 

Credit: AAP

Donald Trump is the living breathing epitome of this category, but that’s an obvious choice. Instead, we’ve gone for disgraced cardinal George Pell and his sexual abuse charges and the crazy fan outrage over Game of Thrones season 8.

Lawful Neutral

A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs her. Order and organisation are paramount to her.

Credit: AAP

Sydney’s controversial new light rail which thought it could beat Melbourne at its own game and broke down on the first day, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian abolishing Sydney’s lockout laws after they had a detrimental impact on the city’s nightlife economy, and the legalisation of cannabis in Canberra.

True Neutral

A neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. She doesn’t feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. 

2019’s Sonic the Hedgehog, who was quickly taken back to the drawing board after major backlash, the Fiji Water girl from the Golden Globes who turned out to be a walking talking advertisement and Avengers: Endgame that was the perfectly neutral end to a very long franchise.

Chaotic Neutral

A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn’t strive to protect others’ freedom. 

The Area 51 raid that attracted thousands of memes, millions of attendees, and even more press but never went ahead, TikTok and it’s big Vine energy, and of course, Kylie Jenner’s foray into pop music with ‘Rise and Shine.’

Lawful Good

A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly.

New Zealand’s prime minister and all-round angel Jacinda Ardern, Baby Yoda and his unfathomable cuteness and Harry Styles’ music, aesthetic, persona and general ~vibe~

Neutral Good

A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them.

The Internet’s boyfriend and quite possibly the only guy in Hollywood yet to be cancelled, Keanu Reeves, the Bon Appetit YouTube channel and its many talents (shoutout to Claire Saffitz) and the first image of a black hole.

Chaotic Good

A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he’s kind and benevolent.

Artist of the Decade Taylor Swift who used her platform to fight for artists rights, Swedish teen activist Greta Thunberg who used her platform to fight climate change (and troll Donald Trump) and Lil Nas X’s country rap banger, ‘Old Town Road.’

So there you have it – 2019’s biggest moments from good to evil. Obviously the alignments are up for interpretation but it is pretty comforting to look back and  reflect on everything we’ve been through over the past year. Here’s hoping 2020 has a little more chaotic good, and a little less chaotic evil. 

Pray That Queer Eye's Antoni Porowski Gets Out Of Martha Stewart's Dog House

"Keeping my hands warm by her fire until Martha Stewart follows me back."

Queer Eye thirst trap Antoni Porowski and domestic goddess turned convicted felon Martha Stewart are now pals, but sadly, it’s not all friendship bracelets and hair braiding.

Martha Stewart recently took to Instagram to call Antoni Porowski out for forgetting to tag her in pics he posted of himself visiting her horse stables and cuddling her dogs. 

“Dear Antoni: This is @marthastewart48. You did not tag me on this photo of my stable nor the photo of my beautiful dogs Han, Qin, Bete Noir and Creme Brulee. We are bummed about that because you have so many followers and you are my Christmas cookies!!!” she commented on his photo.

“You were nice to not post the forbidden scenes and we thank you!!!” she added.

Credit: Instagram

Ashamed he’d wronged such a sassy queen, Porowski apologised to Stewart via his Instagram stories: “Dearest @marthastewart48 (I got your Insta right this time), apologies for not respectfully mentioning dear doggos [Empress] Chin, Emperor Han, Bete Noir, and cuddle monster Creme Brulee.”

“They deserve recognition also I re-watch your cabbage roll demo with your dear mum Mrs. Kostyra more often than I care to admit. *Also @moll_doll23 would’ve wacked me across the head if I posted said forbidden scenes.”

Martha Stewart didn’t respond to Antoni Porowski’s plea for forgiveness, leading the Queer Eye star to post a photo of himself warming his hands by the fire, captioned: “Patiently keeping my hands warm by her fire until @marthastewart48 follows me back.”

Finally, Stewart replied, writing in the comments: “I think we started a social media ‘feud,’ which was not the point. I just wanted you to acknowledge my fire, my animals and my food, which you seemed to love???”

In one final attempt to win her forgiveness, Porowski responded, “@marthastewart48 I’ll faux-feud with you any day. Your adorable & gentle pups, latkes with caviar, Virginia ham, and hospitality (oh and all those cookies) deserve ALL the acknowledgement.”

Sounds like the words of a man desperate to get out of the dog house and escape the terrifying wrath of Martha Stewart. We are praying for you, Antoni Porowski.

There's An Important Reason Charlize Theron Speaks About Her Mum Killing Her Dad

"I'm not ashamed to talk about it."

The Charlize Theron we know today is an award-winning silver screen starlet who graces red carpets and film premieres with elegance and undeniable talent – but life wasn’t always so perfect for the 44-year-old actress.

In a recent interview with NPR, Theron recounted the details of her childhood growing up in apartheid-era South Africa, including the moment her mother killed her abusive father in self-defence. 

“My father was a very sick man. My father was an alcoholic all my life,” she said. “I only knew him one way, and that was an alcoholic…it was a pretty hopeless situation.”

NEW YORK, NY – DECEMBER 16: Charlize Theron attends “Bombshell” New York Screening at Jazz at Lincoln Center on December 16, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Jason Mendez/WireImage)

“My father was so drunk that he shouldn’t have been able to walk when he came into the house with a gun,” Theron recounted. “My mum and I were in my bedroom leaning against the door, because he was trying to push through the door. So both of us were leaning against the door from the inside and have him not be able to push through. He took a step back and just shot through the door three times.”

“None of those bullets ever hit us, which is just a miracle. But in self-defence, she ended the threat.”

Charlize Theron with her mother Gerda Theron.
Credit: YOU/Gallo Images/Getty Images

Theron explained that she’s “not ashamed” to talk about the family violence she experienced. “I do think that the more we talk about these things, the more we realise we are not alone in any of it. I think, for me, it’s just always been that this story really is about growing up with addicts and what that does to a person.”

During Theron’s interview with NPR, the actress also spoke about understanding the white privilege she experienced growing up in South Africa, her decision to adopt as a single parent and confronting the director who sexually harassed her in the ‘90s.

Charlize Theron and daughter. Credit: MelMedia/GC Images

Charlize Theron is a strong, inspirational and incredibly talented woman and she deserves so much respect for using her story to empower others. 

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

Pop-up Channel

Follow Us