Bleats

OG Twilight Set Pics Prove The Films Had To Be A Piss-Take

How did we get here?

Beloved cult classic, The Twilight Saga has a real special place in the hearts of ex-goth kids around the world – we can’t hear Paramore’s ‘Decode’ without being catapulted back into 2008, where we were feuding with our friends over Edward vs. Jacob and queuing for tickets to the midnight premiere.

I’ll have it known that The Twilight Saga: Complete Soundtrack is playing at full blast as I write this for you.

Since the announcement that the next instalment in The Twilight Saga, Midnight Sun is set to be released in August 2020, I found myself deep in reminiscence and stumbled across some whack, behind-the-scenes pics from DEEP in the archives.

Standing Over Body Doubles

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson both had body doubles for certain scenes but these pictures make Twilight look like a totally different movie about time-travelling interior decorators with iron deficiencies.

Crash-Tackling Sacks Of Beans

Some of the wildest scenes to film across all four Twilight films must’ve been the ones that included CGI stand-ins. Here you can see some of the actors throwing themselves at sacks of beans or pillow fluff or… idk, use your imagination – but it’s certainly not a werewolf.

Patting Your Friend For Fun

You would’ve seen these pretty iconic pics of Kristen Stewart patting Taylor Lautner in a skin-tight, full-body condom on the Twilight set before but what you may not have seen is the entire Cullen clan surrounded by cardboard cutouts of werewolves so they know where the CGI dogs are gonna appear from.

A Pregnant Dummy

In case you were wondering, Kristen Stewart did NOT lose a bunch of weight for that creepy, but weirdly intense birth scene where she was highkey dying at the same time – she had a dummy stand in. Kristen was seen bro-ing out with her on many occasions.

Behind The Birth Scene

Just on the Twilight: Breaking Dawn birth scene, it turns out it must’ve been actually really funny to film because every pic I’ve seen, someone is laughing. It might have something to do with the fact that on top of having a dummy for certain scenes, Kristen actually got some fake legs for scenes where she needed to emote, while her real ones were awkwardly underneath the birthing chair.

Also the pic of Robert Pattinson covered in jam and cottage cheese (what they used for blood/ afterbirth) is really very unnerving.

Getting A Leg Up

The first pic shows Bella pulling the head off someone in the Volturi, but peep that step ladder behind her and the scene becomes a lot less gruesome. The other two pics of Rob and Kristen running on the spot remind me of when you used to pretend you were going down the stairs behind the couch when there were no stairs. Comedy, really.

Green Screen Dream Sequence Photoshoot

I have no words for this fkn weird mid-scene shoot of Rob on the Twilight set, just crouching in different positions. And a woman walking by a dresser with a wolf? Help, I hate it here.

With the release of Midnight Sun well and truly on its way, I hope we get a spin-off film too. I would love that.

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How Much Would Ralph Wiggum’s Limited Edition Star Wars Action Figures Be Worth Now?

I bent my Wookie.

Once a year, Star Wars crosses my mind and my limited knowledge of the characters comes from other pop culture references – namely, The Simpsons.

The Simpsons are always on the pulse with pop culture, and have even gone as far to convince viewers that they’re SO ahead of the curve, that they can predict the future, including Kobe Bryant’s untimely death.

Casting our memory back to an episode that originally aired in 1994, Lisa’s Revival where the main plot centres around a diorama competition at school, Ralph Wiggum sets up a lil table with Star Wars action figures, and so famously says ‘what’s a diorama?’

Upon some unnecessary research that absolutely nobody asked for, I decided to find out if those pre-packaged, limited edition Star Wars action figures, still in their display box, would be worth anything.

Paying close attention to the dialogue, Principal Skinner tells us these are limited edition Luke, Obi-Wan and Chewy. The artists’ depiction seems to be modelled off the Kenner collectors figurines.

This particular episode of The Simpsons was aired in 1994, so Ralph would be collecting figurines from the original trilogy from between 1977 and 1983.

An action figure selling guide claims that “dealed Star Wars action figures produced between 1977 and 1985 are worth between $100 and $200, but some are worth up to $1,000, $10,000 or more.”

What I have deduced from glancing at the picture of Ralph at his table of award-winning Star Wars action figures is that he very well might have two of the rarest beauts in front of him.

In July 2018, an Obi-Wan Kenobi figure sold for $76,000. If Ralph Obi-Wan had the rare Double-Telescoping Lightsaber from 1978, he could be ranking it in.

The other one I reckon Ralph has in his half-cut cardboard box could be Luke Skywalker, again with a Double-Telescoping Lightsaber, again from 1978 which can snatch up to $25,000.

All of this is violently good news for you, if you have any of these in your collection, but unfortunately terrible news for Ralph because, as we all know – at the end of the episode, Ralph bent his Wookie.

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Which Star Wars Characters Would Get Their Asses Whooped On The D-Floor?

If I throw back, is it fast enough?

Full disclaimer, I’ve never watched a Star Wars film, even though I’m an Aquarius and it’s in my nature to be into some whack, intergalactic mumbo-jumbo – so, when I first decided I wanted to judge the each Star Wars characters’ ability to throw it back, I didn’t realise there’d be so fkn many of them.

I will be judging their dancing ability purely on their headshots and random tidbits I find on the Star Wars Fandom page, and ranking them Disco Stick to Two-Left Feet. Let’s jump in to who I predict would crush a dance circle, and who would get a small cameo in Step Up 7: Saturn’s Ring.

Kylo Ren

Kylo Ren is portrayed by Adam Driver, and Adam Driver can throw it back. I would not want to come face to face with him, but I wouldn’t say no to a friendly shape-throw.

Jar Jar Binks

I don’t know what Jar Jar Binks is, but he looks a little stinky. He also looks like he’s from Florida and is just always on Spring Break. Good dancer? Hard to say. Committed dancer? Absolutely.

Chewbacca

Chewbacca would be found ripping up his best moves on a stage, in a cage at the rowdiest Bear Club in the middle of the city. He’s got a booty, and he knows how to use it to get what he wants.

Darth Vader

Dark Daddy LOVES dancing. He’s got a unique style and his friends can get embarrassed by his moves, but at least he’s confident.

R2-D2

The Robot is actually over, someone tell R2-D2.

Han Solo

Han Solo has a sliver of rhythm, that he picked up on his travels to Europe where he found himself in a nightclub with cheap vodka shots. He goes in with confidence but would get brutally destroyed.

Yoda

Yoda is???? so old???? He would deadass crack a hip if he tried to throw it back. Not saying he couldn’t get some serious air on a cheek clap if he really tried, but I wouldn’t put him forward to take the crown.

Princess Leia

You could tell me that Princess Leia was Pam Beesly from The Office U.S. and I would believe you. I’ve also seen Pam Beesly dance at one of the many office parties, and it was no good.

Luke Skywalker

The way you could give this man years of dance lessons and he would still roll up looking like a frog with webbed feet. Just by looking at his bowl cut-mullet hybrid and the way he’s holding that lightsaber like it’s a fkn crayon, you can just TELL he doesn’t know how to operate his body.

Honorable mention: Obi-Wan Kenobi

Ah, everyone’s favourite barbecue dad. Apron on, tongs in hand, this man has all your quintessential moves down – The Sprinkler, The Shopping Trolley, The I Burnt The Sausages Because I Was Booty Poppin’ Instead Of Checking Them – he’s got it all. He can come to the party, but don’t rely on him to win it for the crew you’re taking to the carpark after this.

Just to remind you, I have never seen Star Wars but I am very good at listing things with absolutely no authority. I ranked the dinosaurs you should date and the Teletubbies by how handsome they are.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

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