Bleats

May 2021 Is Going To Be A Keanu Reeves Vs. Keanu Reeves Showdown

From henceforth, May 21 shall be forever known as ‘Keanu Reeves-mas’.

2019 has seen Keanu Reeves graduate from immortal cult action hero to his long-overdue status as the internet’s boyfriend. But it seems like that was just the opening act because a Keanu wave of epic proportions is going to hit us on May 21, 2021.

Speaking of Keanu Reeves-related simulations in the Matrix…

According to Variety, Warner Bros. has scheduled The Matrix 4 to open on May 21, 2021, which is actually sooner than we expected TBH. That’s not really a big deal as it’s a pretty common release date for most big blockbusters… except for the fact that John Wick 4 is also scheduled for release on that exact same day.

So not only will we get a double-dose of Keanu Reeves on May 21, 2021, we’re going to see an epic showdown between John Wick and Neo (albeit in a bit of a roundabout way) at the expense of the long-gestating Flash movie (which is now set for a July 1, 2022 release) and Taika Waititi’s live-action Akira film (which got knocked off the release schedule altogether via a pencil to the head).

But as wildly fitting and epic as a John Wick 4 and The Matrix 4 showdown would be, don’t have that set in stone just yet. Studios have a habit of setting release dates for its films well ahead of time and it’s likely one of these movies will eventually move because it benefits no one to have John Wick and Neo eating into each other’s box office profits.

But let’s jump the gun anyway and deem May 21 to be known as ‘Keanu Reeves-mas’ from henceforth because the impact John Wick and Neo going head-to-head on that date will be felt among the Keanu Reeves fandom for generations to come.

And if John Wick 4 and/or The Matrix 4 do end up cancelling on that May 21, 2021 date, well it’ll still be special for no other reason than to celebrate Keanu Reeves because it’s what he deserves.

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Pornhub’s End-Of-Year Wrap Proves That Gamers Are Multi-Tasking Fap Masters

Never touching another person's controller ever again.

If YouTube’s end-of-year wrap-up was anything to go by, 2019 has been a hell of a weird and wild year. But those stats pale in comparison to the 2019 year-in-review insights dropped by Pornhub.

Every year the porn streaming giant drops its load and a heap of stats detailing what everyone around the world has been fapping to, when they’re doing it and what’s been tickling people’s fancy over the past 12 months.

While 2019 has been quite insightful, there are two big stats that pop out: gamers and Australia.

Speaking of crazy 2019 wrap ups…

It’s not that surprising that there’s a large crossover between folks who are gamers and folks who jerk it to porn. What’s surprising is the breakdown of the numbers in terms of what is the most popular console to watch Pornhub content on.

Apparently 51.5 percent of people really like fapping off to Pornhub content on PlayStation, followed by 34.7 percent on Xbox. But the most eye-catching stats are the 9.1 percent of users on PlayStation Vita and the 0.4 percent on Nintendo 3DS

It’s great that the PlayStation Vita is finally getting some love (literally) after years of being shafted by the 3DS, but watching porn on these two devices raises some questions.

Not only are both consoles handhelds, which makes the logistics pretty difficult compared to a PC or TV, they’re both nearly a decade old which means the video quality will be pretty dodgy, which doesn’t exactly make for a good fapping session.

Having said that, kudos to those managing to crank it to pixellated Pornhub videos on their Vita and 3DS because that deserves some respect.

Now Pornhub hasn’t revealed the exact number of gamers and people who are jacking it to their gaming console so it could be millions or it could literally be 17 people. But hey, these are insights and boy are they insightful.

Moving on from gamers to Australia, Pornhub says we’re no more or less hornier in 2019 than we were in 2018 (Australia is still ranked 9th in the world in terms of the top 20 countries by traffic), nor has our obsession with lesbian porn dimmed.

Having said that, it seems like folks Down Under have developed a bit of yellow fever as “hentai” rose up two spots to rank as the second most-searched Pornhub term while “chinese” jumped a whopping 74 spots into the no.8 spot.

It’s not just men though as Pornhub says Australian women were 107 percent more likely to watch “Asian” porn videos compared to the rest of the world.

But it’s not all just about cranking it to hentai lesbian videos on Pornhub for Aussies. Australia Day caused a big 16 percent drop in worldwide traffic, which shows that folks have more things to do than jerking off.

Please wash you hands, Australia. Credit: Pornhub.

So it seems like the big takeaways from Pornhub’s 2019 year in review is “don’t ever touch another person’s PlayStation controller or Vita again” and “Australia is still horny AF.”

There are many, many more insightful gems in Pornhub’s 2019 year in review that we couldn’t fit in this article so check them out here if you want.

Happy reading and fapping, y’all!

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

John Boyega Went And Poked The Star Wars Hivemind By Dissing 'The Last Jedi'

There's a disturbance in the Force.

It probably goes without saying that Star Wars: The Last Jedi was a bit of a divisive entry into the space franchise canon. While critics loved it, fans either loved or hated it in equal fanatic measures. Now John Boyega has spoken up about his experience making The Last Jedi and the tea has stirred up the Star Wars hivemind something fierce.

Speaking of Star Wars stuff…

Chatting to Hypebeast ahead of his final turn as Finn in The Rise of Skywalker, John Boyega said while The Force Awakens felt promising, The Last Jedi felt a bit “iffy” in terms of the creative direction the movie took.

“The Force Awakens I think was the beginning of something quite solid, The Last Jedi if I’m being honest I’d say that was feeling a bit iffy for me. I didn’t necessarily agree with a lot of the choices in that and that’s something that I spoke to Mark [Hamill] a lot about and we had conversations about it. And it was hard for all of us, because we were separated.”

Now it’s not clear what Boyega was iffy about but it definitely has something to do with how Finn, Poe and Rey were separated, not that it really matters why because the Star Wars fandom have taken his quote and run wild with it.

All the Last Jedi haters have suddenly branded John Boyega as the new face of the dumb “this is why Star Wars/Rian Johnson/whatever sucks now” movement.

On the other end of the spectrum, all the Last Jedi stans have now suddenly vilified – to some pretty unsavoury, racist extremes – John Boyega as knowing nothing and for being a traitor to the equally-dumb “the Last Jedi is pure gold and haters know nothing” movement.

At the end of the day though, John Boyega’s comments reveal two things: he has some thoughts on a movie he worked on (which he is perfectly entitled to, though some don’t seem to understand this) and the Star Wars fandom is being fronted by a heap of loud, annoying folk.

But the worst part about Boyega kicking up a fuss among the Star Wars hivemind is how his (understandably justified) comments will be used as fuel for trolls to justify their annoying agenda, regardless of where they stand on The Last Jedi, which in of itself is pretty disappointing.

Throw in Daisy Ridley’s lack of understanding of her white privilege and it seems like all the tea is happening off the screen. Here’s hoping there’s some drama left in The Rise of Skywalker when that movie drops (and both Daisy and John can be rid of the franchise for good).

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

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