Bleats

An Open Letter To Those Who Think Devs Owe Them A Perfect Game

Game developers are not your bitch, gamers.

Drama is never far away when it comes to gamers and those two things came to a head on the Apex Legends subreddit when the video game’s developers got tired of the awful comments they were getting regarding a new update and began clapping back at toxic fans.

Unsurprisingly, this merely threw fuel onto the fire and fans responded even more negatively. This culminated in a hilariously cringy Reddit thread titled “PR team and devs, well done. You have alienated your playerbase.”

Seriously, it’s copy pasta hall of famer.

This whole debacle soon got so out of hand that the Vince Zampella, CEO of Apex Legends developer Respawn Entertainment, issued out an apology on Twitter for what went down.

This whole saga is a snapshot of how the relationship between video game devs and fans have changed over the years. In the past, devs worked on a game, fans bought it (or not), and it’s onto the next game.

But these days, devs are forced by both fan demand and money reasons to keep working on something until it is deemed worthy by the masses rather than do the healthy thing of accepting their failure, learning from their mistakes and moving on. It’s a lose-lose for all parties concerned.

Gamer have become more entitled and devs get burned out trying to fix something they’d rather not look at again instead of working on something new.

Not only is it unhealthy but the whole industry suffers because it means less games are being made as devs are being forced to continually polish something that may not shine no matter how much effort goes into it.

A Super Jump article titled ‘You’re Not Owed a Perfect Game‘ rightfully points out that the important thing that gets lost beneath the sea of toxic comments is that developers don’t owe fans anything, let alone a “perfect” game. Devs are not your bitch, gamers, and demanding them to fix something just because you don’t like it isn’t a productive way of communicating your concerns, nor will it compel them to go implement the changes you so desperately want.

The Super Jump article notes that is difficult to create quality content, let alone a good video game that’ll appeal to everyone. Gamers need to understand that devs are not out to scam them, they’re simply doing the best they can. Just as how devs are doing what they can, we have to accept that not everything we buy is going to be brilliant no matter how much we want it to be.

With costs continually rising and development times getting longer, games are forced to implement various mechanics in order to earn money. For a free-to-play game like Apex Legends, this means implementing cosmetic items that cost real money.

So when fans whinge about getting ripped off or how EA/Respawn are not listening or making it tough to be an Apex Legends fan, it’s mindboggling. It’s actually quite easy to be a fan. No one is being forced to make continuous payments nor is anyone obliged to support the game.

We’re at a touchy point when it comes to developer/gamer relationships and there needs to be a rethink on how to make it less toxic. Besides, video games are meant to be fun and not something that devolves into a pool of petty back and forth exchanges.

And at the end of the day, it’s not like devs are forcing you to buy their games. You can just say no.

Live-Action Sonic The Hedgehog Is Almost Certainly A Mass Baby Murderer

Between this and Sonic's teeth, this movie is far more cooked than we initially expected.

Now that we’ve had time to process the footage from the live-action Sonic The Hedgehog film, we’ve come to three conclusions.

Firstly, Jim Carrey’s take on Sonic’s nemesis, Dr. Robotnik, is giving us weird vibes and not in a good way. Not only are Carrey’s over-the-top antics a bit much but the character looks nothing like his video game counterpart, though word is that he eventually turns into the egg-shaped villain we all know and love.

Speaking of OTT stuff, the GOAT team look at why gay men suddenly love Laura Dern on It’s Been A Big Day For… below:

Secondly, whoever came up with the idea to give Sonic teeth needs to rethink every priority they have in their life. Seriously, it’s the stuff of nightmares. Thank god for the redesign.

And lastly, this live-action version of Sonic the hedgehog is almost certainly a mass baby murderer. Okay, bear with us here, this will make sense.

After rewatching the trailer one too many times, some poor soul on Reddit asked themselves the question, “I wonder how many newborn babies Sonic accidentally killed in that trailer”, before doing the math on it.

Now this is a very important question because we can’t have something like Sonic gracing our screens if he is going around being a baby murderer, no matter how fluffy and swole he is. So without further ado, here is our own very serious GOAT investigation into how many babies Sonic sent to the grim reaper in the trailer.

Firstly, it’s established in the trailer that Sonic triggered an EMP that knocked out all the electronics in the Pacific Northwest in the United States. According to various sources, that region has a population of about 15 million, which translates to about 4.5 to 5% of the total population in the United States (which is around 327.2 million).

Based on stats from 2015 and 2017, about 3.9 million babies were born in the US. Taking an average of those two years gives us a total of 3,916,999 babies. Since 15% of the population is in the Pacific Northwest, that gives us an estimated 179,569 babies born every year in that region.

Now here’s where we need to make some big assumptions. According to Bliss and the BBC, anywhere between 1 in 7 to 1 in 10 newborn babies in the UK require a neonatal unit. Let’s assume these statistics translates over the US and let’s also split the difference and round up to say 1 in 9 babies to make the math easier.

1 in 9 babies in the Pacific Northwest region gives us 19,952 babies that require neonatal units. Now Bliss states that the average stay at the neonatal clinic is one week, meaning that about 384 babies are staying at these clinics at any given time.

In conclusion, when Sonic triggered that EMP blast in the trailer, he may have inadvertently sent 384 babies to the pearly gates, making him a mass baby murderer. Literally.

Look, we get that Sonic wants to go fast all the time, but perhaps slow down a bit because the Sonic the Hedgehog movie is turning out to be a lot more cooked than we initially expected.

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