Bleats

Eggplant And Peach Emojis Are Banned On Facebook Instagram, Soz Teens And Buckfois

Surely there are better things to focus on than the horny meanings behind fruit and veg emojis.

In news that’ll horrify teenagers and horny people everywhere, Facebook and Instagram has banned the use of *checks notes* “sexual” emojis. In other words, you can no longer pepper your messages with eggplant, peach and water drip emojis.

This ban isn’t some sort of weird crusade against eggplants and peaches. According to the updated Facebook and Instagram guidelines on “Sexual Solidification Community Standards” (via The Daily Dot), the social media giant is aiming to clamp down on instances of “sexual solicitation” through this emoji ban.

Specifically, Facebook will implement bans “when content facilitates, encourages or coordinates sexual encounters between adults”. There are two sections this criteria will fall under:

  • A user must either “implicitly or indirectly” offer sexual communication, “nude imagery”, “sex”, or “sex chat conversations”.
  • Or have some form of “sexual suggestive elements” in their post.

So while you can still use eggplant, peach and water drop emojis in a “normal” conversation, using them as a reference to anything sexual or to cheekily cover up nude body parts will result in a blow from the ban hammer.

No need to worry, vegans and vegetarians, your emoji usage won’t be affected too much.

While this ban will be a big blow to horny people who don’t like to use sentences, it is more of a concern to the adult content creators and sex workers who use Facebook and Instagram for their business as it’ll not only restrict the posts they can share but it’ll make them more exposed to harassment from pearl-clutching anti-porn crusaders.

This weird ban comes at a time where Facebook is copping heavy criticism for not doing enough to regulate the swaths of racism, propaganda and fake news that’s flooding its platform. Surely the company has more important things to worry about than hidden sexual meanings of fruit and vegetable emojis.

So to those who are using eggplant, peach and water drop emojis in a, uh, “sexual” manner, you’re going to have to think of a new way to convey your horniness without using fruit and vegetable symbols.

Peter Dutton Wants To Scan Your Face Before Letting You Watch Porn

Yeah, this isn't going to go wrong at all.

Remember when the government wanted to implement an age filter to all your favourite porn websites? It seems like wiser heads prevailed as that seems to have taken a back seat for for now. Until Peter Dutton and his Department of Home Affairs decided to pick the issue back up for some reason that is.

But rather than go with the age filter idea, ol’ mate Dutto decided the better option is to scan everyone’s faces before they get to indulge in some personal five-knuckle shuffle time.

According to The Sydney Morning Herald, Peter Dutton and his Department of Home Affairs has suggested that the best way to stop all this underage porn watching that’s afflicting Australia right now is to use face scans to confirm people’s age before they’re allowed to access.

The idea is to have the face scan match a person’s photo that’s already recorded with Home Affairs, such as a driver’s licence, and this will act as an age verification system of sorts.

The idea is to have this voyeuristic proposal be lumped in with the Federal government’s separate proposed facial recognition scheme, which the Morrison government was scolded for and told to redraft after it was rejected in October by the joint intelligence and security committee over safety and privacy concerns.

Worrying comparisons to George Orwell’s 1984 aside, this hypothetical porn facial scan thing is a logistical and privacy nightmare. Not only will everyone need some sort camera, this system will create a huge database of all those Aussies who watch porn that’ll cause endless headaches should it all be leaked, which going by recent history is quite likely.

And even if Dutto and Home Affairs have a good solution to these issues, circumventing the facial scan won’t be all that difficult given all the tools we have at our disposal these days. When you’re preventing horny people from getting their fap on, no facial scan or age filter is going to stop them from getting to their porn.

But in the worst case scenario that Peter Dutton and Home Affairs figure out a way to spy on your sex life, expect a booming new black market to emerge in Australia involving the selling of USB sticks with porn on them.

Lady Gaga Got A Brutal Reality Check From Amanda Knox In 2019's Greatest Burn

There's not enough ice in the world for that burn.

Lady Gaga is a person who has enough fame, fortune and influence to last several lifetimes. When you’re in that stratospheric level of celebrity, it’s easy to lose sight of reality a little bit and the singer got a brutal reality check about it on Twitter from another woman who is well acquainted with fame and notoriety herself, Amanda Knox.

It all began when Lady Gaga innocently tweeted out “Fame is prison” on Twitter, prompting much speculation over what it means.

While many fans immediately jumped on the tweet as a sign that new Lady Gaga music is coming, Amanda Knox thought otherwise and weighed in on the matter that was both brutal and perhaps a little personal.

After the singer shared her tweet, Amanda clapped back with a simple but hall of fame worthy retort:

For those who are unaware who Amanda Knox is and why her retort to Lady Gaga was so brutal, she became notorious back in 2007 when she was wrongfully convicted alongside her then-boyfriend for the murder of her British roommate, Meredith Kercher, in Italy.

While Amanda vehemently maintained her innocence, she ended up spending four years in prison and made headlines around the world due to the controversial and dramatic nature of her trial.

After many legal battles that included finding and convicting the real murderer, Amanda was released from prison in 2011 and was officially acquitted in 2015 by Italy’s highest court.

So yeah, Amanda Knox just gave Lady Gaga the greatest burn we’ll see all year and all it took was seven words on Twitter.

If there was anyone on earth who is more qualified to school Lady Gaga on fame and prison, it’s definitely Amanda Knox. Best get some ice for that burn, Gaga, because it’s going to linger around for a while.

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