Elon Musk Really Keeps Digging That Hole Like He Wants His Own Thai Cave, Huh?

At some point you just got to admit you're wrong. Unless you're Elon Musk.

Remember that whole saga involving Elon Musk, the Thai cave rescuer Vernon Unsworth and the whole ‘pedo guy’ name-calling thing? Well the latest season has dropped and hoo boy is it a doozy.

To quickly recap, the billionaire CEO of Tesla wanted to build some mini submarines to help with rescuing those kids in that Thai cave. Vernon told Elon basically to shove the submarine up his arse and let the experts do the work.

Elon then did the most Elon Musk-ey thing he could do and went on the attack by calling Vernon “pedo guy,” which led to a defamation lawsuit against the billionaire.

A court deposition from the lawsuit has now been released and it reveals the extreme lengths Elon went through in order to justify that ridiculous “pedo guy” claim against Vernon.

First there’s his argument that “pedo guy” is actually a common insult used in South Africa among all the kiddies when he was growing up and he totally wasn’t using to call Vernon a paedophile or anything.

When asked by lawyers what exactly “does a pedo guy look like?” Elon responded with a real gem of an answer:

I’m not a lawyer but the answer “It’s sort of a look. I don’t know” isn’t going to fly very well with anyone, particularly your own lawyer.

But that ridiculous “it’s what the all the South African kids call each other!” defence was trumped by the even-more-ridiculous reveal that Elon had hired a private investigator to dig up dirt on the Thai cave rescuer in hopes of justifying his “pedo guy” insult.

As for why Elon did this (beyond satisfying his ego), he said in the deposition:

“And I was like, well, what if this is a real situation? What if what we have here is another Jeffrey Epstein. We should, you know — I have this — I am told this information. I don’t know if it is true. But what if we have another Jeffrey Epstein on our hands? And what if he uses whatever celebrity he gains from this cave rescue to shield his bad deeds?”

Wow, Jeffrey Epstein, Elon? Make sure you stretch before reaching for something that far.

Despite Elon saying that his hired PI was “just taking [him] for a ride” in hindsight, the billionaire’s lawyers are doubling down on the claim, releasing this statement about Vernon:

“The investigator reported that Mr Unsworth was a fixture in Pattaya Beach, Thailand – a locale notorious for prostitution and child trafficking, that he had a taste for young Thai girls, that he whoremongered his way through the go-go bars of Thailand, that his only friends were his ‘sexpat’ peers, and that he married his Thai wife when she was a teenager, after starting a relationship when she was a young girl.”

Unsurprisingly, Vernon has denied all the claims.

So to sum up the entire story so far:

Elon Musk called Thai cave rescuer, Vernon Unsworth, a “pedo guy,” which the billionaire claims is a common insult he and kids used all the time in South Africa. Vernon sues. Elon hires a private investigator to dig up dirt on Vernon. Private investigator finds out that Vernon was just a diver who lives in Thailand. Elon and his lawyers double down on the claim anyway.

If season two gave us such incredible gems, Elon Musk vs. Vernon Unsworth season three is going to be a masterpiece.

Michelle Williams Talking About Her New Marriage Is Both Beautiful Life Advice And The Antidote To The Drag That Is Elon Musk Dating Grimes

Can we have Michelle Williams say insightful stuff whenever Elon Musk decides to be a jerk?

Sensing that the world is perhaps in need of some heartwarming news during these troubling times, Michelle Williams surprised everyone by revealing to Vanity Fair that she married her musician boyfriend, Phil Elverum, in a secret wedding.

The couple tied the knot in a private ceremony back in mid-July, which was a small and intimate affair attended by only a handful of people that included Matilda, Williams’s 12-year-old daughter from her romance with the late Heath Ledger, and the groom’s little girl from his marriage to late wife Genevieve Castre.

The mental image of the couple’s two daughters watching their parents find happiness with each other is so beautiful I’m literally tearing up right now.

Knowing that the internet is an “a*****e” (her words) and wanting to clear up any “heat and confusion” when news of her wedding eventually became public, the notoriously-private Williams decided to jump the gun.

But if you’re expecting deets about her dress or bridal party, then this isn’t the wedding reveal for you.

Williams revealed that she “never gave up on love” before uncharacteristically opened up about her relationship with her new husband in the hopes that it may help others who have suffered heartbreaking losses like they have.

“I don’t really want to talk about any of it,” she says, “but there’s that tease, that lure, that’s like, ‘What if this helps somebody? What if somebody who has always journeyed in this way, who has struggled as much as I struggled, and looked as much as I looked, finds something that helps them?’”

She opened up about Phil loving her in a way that finally makes her and her daughter feel free, saying “I am finally loved by someone who makes me feel free”.

That feeling is something Williams wanted to impart onto others as advice.

“Don’t settle,” she said. “Don’t settle for something that feels like a prison, or is hard, or hurts you. If it doesn’t feel like love, it’s not love.”

As if she wasn’t already the perfect human being, Williams revealed that she always tells her daughter that Heath Ledger “loved me before anybody thought I was talented, or pretty, or had nice clothes…”.

BRB, gonna go cry for a day.

Williams’ wedding reveal is perhaps the most heartfelt and beautiful thing that I’m going to read all year, and it comes at the perfect time because it is the perfect palette cleanser for the drag that is Elon Musk dating Grimes.

Musk and Grimes are the celebrity couple equivalent of a being slapped in the face with a raw salmon: it’s gross, unpleasant to watch, slightly painful to experience, and makes you question why those two things are even in the same sentence together.

Michelle Williams had no obligation to talk about her personal life with all of us, but perhaps feeling like she had something to offer to all those heartbroken people out there, she has become the hero we don’t deserve but definitely the one we need right now.

The 12 Missing Thai Boys And Their Coach Have Been Rescued, Proving That The World Just Loves A Heartwarming Story Of Rescuing People Out Of Holes

From Baby Jessica and the Chilean miners to Thailand, there's just something about rescuing people stuck in holes that captures the world's imagination.

Following the June 23 disappearance of a Thai junior soccer team consisting of 12 children aged between 11 to 16 and their 25-year-old coach, everyone has been found alive and safe in the early hours of July 2.

After an incredibly dramatic week of events that included drafting rescue plans and Elon Musk offering to help in his usual eccentric genius way (he proposed using submarines, seriously), the boys and their coach were finally rescued from the cave on July 11.

Yes, this is a time to rejoice about all that’s good in the world.

Just to quickly recap this extraordinary series of events, the soccer team (adorably named Moo Pa, meaning wild boar) were exploring the Tham Luang caves in Chiang Rai, Thailand on June 23 when they became stuck due to flooding and rain.

Following news of the boys’ disappearance, rescue efforts from the Thai Navy were underway and they were soon joined by foreign divers and support teams from the US, Britain, China, and Australia. After nearly 10 days of being trapped underground, two British divers managed to find all 12 boys and their coach safe, albeit disorientated and most definitely hungry.

The subsequent rescue efforts weren’t without complications. During an attempt to deliver air tanks to the boys and their coach, former Thai Navy diver Saman Gunan died when he ran out of oxygen. While Saman managed to successfully deliver the tanks to the trapped group, his own oxygen tank ran out on the return trip and he lost consciousness. His diving partner attempted CPR to revive him but efforts were unsuccessful.

Tributes to Saman have poured in from all around the world and Rama X, the king of Thailand announced that the late diver will receive a royal-sponsored funeral.

The 12 boys and their coach aren’t completely out of the woods yet as being stuck in a cave for nearly three weeks is bound to affect their health in some kind of way.

But with the amount of support being thrown behind the rescue effort, hopes are high that everything will eventually be alright.

It’s incredible and more than a little heartwarming to see how the world can put aside their differences when it comes to rescuing people from a hole in the ground.

There was the 2010 Chilean mining accident which saw 33 workers get trapped 700 metres underground due to a cave in. Over 1 billion people sat glued to their TVs as all of the workers were finally extracted from the ground after being stuck for 69 days.

Flashing back before that, there was the 2006 Beaconsfield mine collapse which saw one miner tragically killed, and two others trapped in the mine for two weeks. Hundreds of journalists flocked to the small Tasmanian town to cover the ongoing drama.

Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl managed to catch wind of the incident when the men asked for an iPod filled with Foo Fighters songs to keep them company. In yet another example of why Grohl is the coolest guy in rock ever, he ultimately wrote a song about the men and even invited them to a Foo Fighters gig.

And of course, there was the infamous ‘Baby Jessica’ rescue effort back in 1987 when 18 month old Jessica fell down a well.

The successful 58 hour rescue effort caught everyone’s attention, so much so that The Simpsons decided to dedicate an entire episode parodying the whole incident.

When The Simpsons decides to get involved, you know that something special has, um, gone down.

There’s clearly something about the teamwork and hope involved in rescuing people from the bowels of the earth that captures the public imagination like nothing else.

Given how everyone is currently predisposed to hate one another in the name of sport (thanks FIFA World Cup) and, well, various other reasons, it’s clear we need a win we can all share. The news is so grim, so much of the time; the very human drama of survival, courage, hard work, and the heroic sacrifice is a beautiful and endlessly compelling real-life story.

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