Bleats

Fat Doggos May Hold The Answer To Why Hoomans Are Also Piling On The Kilos

They're still very good bois, though. No body shaming here.

Dogs really are like their owners; at least, in that they’re getting bigger around the belly region.

And, as with humans, it’s causing all sorts of problems for their hearts and joints that are straining under excess weight of our very good bois, but it might provide humankind and science with the fatortunity we’ve been looking for.

See, humans have been getting fatter and fatter in recent decades for reasons which can’t be put down to bad diets or inadequate exercise, and no-one’s entirely certain as to why that is.

As with humans sometimes it can be put down to inadequate activity and overfeeding, but in a lot of cases those can be ruled out. What’s more, even some wild animals are starting to show signs of obesity which is just plain terrifying.

And domestic animals are easier to study than humans, not least because they don’t lie about that late-night ice cream binge and how often they go to the gym, and those studies have found the first signs of a possible genetic mutation affecting appetite in labradors.

In case you were wondering, it’s a deficiency in pro-opiomelanocortin. You know, just like you suspected.

On top of that there’s some evidence that antibiotics used in factory farming might have made subtle changes to gut bacteria. So if you’re eating those things, maybe it’s teaching your tum-tum similar lessons.

There’s also some evidence that these changes in wild animals like marmots has been in response to climate change, so there’s another thing you can be terrified about for future generations: along with everything else, maybe we and our animals mutating to get fatter against environmental apocalypse.

In short: the way animals are also gaining weight is showing promising-slash-deeply-depressing new lines of research. On the plus side, we might be able to stop us all getting inadvertently porky.

Especially our good bois.

The US Has Literally 4000 Blue Whales' Worth Of Cheese Just Sitting In Storage Right This Very Minute

Whether they possess the cracker technology to contain it remains an open question, though.

Look, we’re the first to admit that the blue whale is not typically the base unit of cheese. But if we said “there’s 900,000 cubic yards of surplus cheese being held in cold storage in the US right now” you’d struggle to visualise that amount, not least because it’s an imperial measurement.

So we could say 640,000ish metric tonnes, but again that’s just a big number. But whales, we all know that whales are really really really really big, right? So 4000 of them is a lot of whale. Or in this case, cheese.

And you might be wondering “Say, why does the US have cheese stockpiles at all?”

Milk production has steadily risen in the US because of high prices over the last decade. However people have been drinking less milk in the US and, as everyone who’s ever lived in a sharehouse rapidly discovers, milk’s pretty perishable.

So making that surplus milk into cheese is a great way to preserve it… except that people are also eating less cheese. Whales’ worth of it, in fact.

Pictured: not cheese.

Anyway: the point is that there’s a lot of cheese in US warehouses right now, and the fact that President Trump isn’t just piling it up at the southern border feels like a missed opportunity.

Mind you, if Looney Tunes cartoons are any indication, Mexico’s unnaturally-fast mice would probably make short work of it.

Fun fact: there’a only 10,000-odd blue whales left in the world. Cheese, however, remains comparatively plentiful.

Pantry Moth Season Is In Full Effect So Good News You Probably Ate Larvae This Morning

Welcome, new insect overlords.

If you’ve noticed an uptick in the amount of moths in your cupboards of late then congratulations: you’re far from alone.

Indian meal moths are in full effect this season, and also if you’ve had any dried goods like cereal this morning then you’ve probably had some bonus protein in the form of moth larvae.

And sure, that might make you gag a little bit, but just pretend it’s some sort of sexy new superfood. Hey, the science is exactly as robust for moth young as it is for açai berries.

Pictured: you.

Anyway: it’s not necessarily your fault for having garbage in your pantry because moth eggs can be laid in cardboard, including the cardboard containing the foods you paid good money for.

So sure, you could throw stuff out and clean everything, except that you’ll very likely then unwittingly replace it all with freshly egg-filled new packaging AND THE DANCE BEGINS ANEW.

Pictured: your pantry, right now.

And while cleaning your cupboards out is a good plan the eggs can be in joists and crevices where you can’t get at ’em. Also, in the current hot weather moths can mature from hatching to laying fresh eggs in under a month. So get ready for your battle against the moths to be a hopelessly Sisyphean ordeal, is what we’re saying.

On the plus side, they’re not toxic so maybe just accept that larvae are now part of your complete breakfast. Hey, they’re rich in essential wing-joints!

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