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These Monumentally Bad First Date Stories Will Make You Want To Give Up And Stay Single

This just in, people can suck.

Single life is great. But the ritual of actively seeking partnership known as ~dating~ is a wild ride. A wild ride that often crashes and burns. It’s not easy taking a chance on new people, because people are notoriously weird.

Sure, dating can be fun! And seeking a romantic relationship is great if that’s what you want. But we can all admit that the truth is dating also means meeting a lot of randos and having some bizarre-to-straight-up-unpleasant experiences.

So let’s commiserate in the reality of dating low-points, via the real life stories of terrible first dates from Reddit. Don’t stress – these stories are not of the violently confronting type (of which there are unfortunately too many, especially for women).

These are just first date stories that are wild, cruel, confounding, and relatable for anyone who has been on the dating scene. It’s enough to make you glad to take a break and enjoy single life.

Let’s kick off with this tale that is an actual nightmare come true. Pray you never meet up with someone from a dating app who is heartless enough to pretend they’re not your date as soon as they see you. Or at least pray they are a better liar than this chick.

Then again, things could be worse. They could pretend to only speak another language the entire time(???) When they clearly speak your language (???)

Sometimes you go on a date only to be sprung by fun surprises like a married couple looking for a threesome. With no warning! Fun!

How cute is it when your date tells you they would kill their dog for drugs <3 Just dating things.

That’s still not as bad as when they talk about killing their enemy’s with a harpoon. Not exactly what anyone wants to hear, and especially not a woman on a date considering men are the #1 threat to women’s safety.

Maybe this person not showing up because they “didn’t feel like going” actually has the right idea.

Also can’t tell if I’m repulsed or impressed with this person springing that she’s straight up looking for a sugar daddy relationship. I mean, at least she’s being honest about what she wants.

This is a truly WILD story and I don’t expect many of us will ever experience something quite like it.

Somehow, listening to Westlife in silence sounds like the best part of this date.

Someone shutting the door in your face is never a great start.

At least if the reality of dating makes you so nervous you vomit, there’s apparently an avenue for that. Reddit has the answers.

Happy dating, stay safe, and may you have good mates you can unload your bad date stories onto to get you through.

The Greatest Irony About The New Private School-Only Dating App Is Also Its Greatest Weakness

It's shameful that there's a market for this.

If you haven’t heard of it yet, I’m sorry to introduce you to Toffee, a dating app just launched in Australia that is exclusively for people who were privately educated.

Toffee launched in Britain last year, and claims it’s the first dating app in the world of its kind. Not sure they should be bragging too much about creating elitist Tinder, but here we are.

“We set it up because we know people from similar backgrounds are more likely to stick together,” the creators state on its website.

The video promo looks like a wannabe Gossip Girl sequel, and is every bit as white and generic as you would expect.

The app was founded by English private school alumni Lydia Davis, who claims Australia was chosen as the first stop (after Britain) to roll out because they “were inundated with requests for us to launch there,” she told Sydney Morning Herald.

Apparently the app will be less exclusive than in Britain though because compared to their eight per cent of people being privately schooled, 34 per cent of Australians are private schooled.

Toffee already has a list of the ~acceptable~ Australian schools, and users can add their own if it’s missing and moderators will check it actually qualifies.

Unfortunately, I do not doubt that there is a market for private schooled people who only want to interact with other private schooled people. Mingling of class and experience is not some people’s jam, because some people’s jam is living exclusively in bubbles of privilege. Healthy!

The funny thing is that these people are already so good at doing that, that you’ll find many of them already only date people like them. Literally, the private school bubble is so strong, it continues to contain its people far past the age of 18. So really, the people who are the target audience of this app are mostly already dating each other and what not.

Though the desire of certain private schooled people to dive further into the bubble never ceases to amaze me, so elitist Tinder will probably do just fine in Australia.

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