Bleats

The People Behind Tinder Just Launched Ship, An App That Lets Your Mates Sift Through The Dating Dumpster-Fire For You

FINALLY.

Everyone knows that the best way to use Tinder – apart from not at all because it is a bin fire – is to use it on behalf on someone else. No pressure to actually chat or go on dates, with all the fun of hunting for matches and judging people.

Now Match Group, the parent company of Tinder and OK Cupid, have released an app that will hopefully not suck the fun out of that experience.

Ship, which just launched and now available in the App Store, allows you to build a profile, but also a “Crew” of friends. You can then either swipe for yourself, or choose a different friend in your Crew to swipe for.

Take it dead seriously – this is their future happiness you’re dealing with – or match your mates up with enough Tinder nightmares for them to start one of those Instagram accounts full of horrifying screenshots.

There’s also a group chat function for your Crew so they can roast you in GIF form as well as by matching you with people who list “fitness” as a hobby.

As with any new dating app, the pool is only as good as the uptake, so it’ll be a bit of time before Ship hits full sail.

But the benefits are clear: the pressure’s off you as the single AF friend, the fun is there for your coupled-up mates who have Tinder bin-fire FOMO for some reason, and you get to find out exactly how high they reckon you can punch.

Plus, the old “my friend had my phone” excuse when you match with someone but then get shy is more relevant than ever.

The Loneliest Frog In The World Found A Mate After Being Alone For Ten Years, So There’s Still Hope For You Too

Look at his little face!

Like light breaking softly from yonder window, let this little bit of hopeful news make your day a bit brighter.

Romeo was long thought to be quite possibly the last Sehuencas water frog in existence, living alone in a tank in a Bolivian natural history institute. No wild frogs had been found since 2008, and discovering some wild individuals to breed in captivity was the species’ last hope.

The scientists in charge of Romeo built a campaign to help find some other frogs, even making him a Twitter account and a Match.com profile page.

Here’s an excerpt for you to steal for your Tinder bio:

“I’m a pretty simple guy. I tend to keep to myself and have the best nights just chilling at home, maybe binge-watching the waters around me. I do love food, though, and will throw a pair of pants on and get out of the house if there’s a worm or snail to be eaten!”

Look at his face! Look how hopeful and happy he is!

He’s spent a solid decade working on himself, learning to be comfortable in his own slimy skin, and now he’s ready to make a commitment.

In fact, he’s even ready for kids.

Now a small population of frogs has been discovered in a Bolivian cloud forest, and a group has been retrieved for the captive breeding program: five in all, including a Juliet for our Romeo.

And mate, you’re in luck, because she is a BABE. As frogs go. I think.

So if you’re feeling a bit personally attacked by the Valentine’s Day gear starting to pop up in supermarkets when you’re just trying to buy your ready meals for one, fear not. If the world’s loneliest frog can find someone, there’s hope for you – because you, too, are one of a kind. 

Just head down to your local cloud forest, and keep an open mind.

This Brand-New Couple Who Went On The Greatest, Loosest, Most Successful Blind Date Ever Are Your New Heroes

We should all be more like these glorious loose units.

Dating, in general, is basically garbage, and blind dates in particular are a minefield of awkwardness. So god bless The Guardian for setting up what might be the greatest blind date ever, and then bringing us the story.

The UK news site’s regular Blind Dates feature does what it says on the tin – sets up two people and then interviews them afterwards about how it went.

The most recent column saw Joanne and Morgan, both 24, heading out for some negronis. Then they had some wine, and then they crashed a party. And they made out a LOT.

Here’s Joanne’s take:

First impressions?
Cute, chatty and early.

Sweet!

What did you talk about?
I can’t really remember much after four negronis and wine but: books, scumbag Tories, coming out.

Bless them.

Any awkward moments?
Probably when we got kicked out of the house party we crashed. And leaving my knickers behind. I think I also fell over at some point.

WAIT WHAT. FANTASTIC.

Good table manners?
Excellent, we both spoke with our mouths full.

These girls are my people.

Here’s Morgan:

Good table manners?
Who really cares?

Best thing about Joanne?
She is obscenely fun.

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

Both gave the date 10/10 and said they’d be seeing each other again next week.

And they kind of have to, now, because with 18,000 shares and counting, the internet is now obsessed with them and their perfectly messy, joyful, bonkers  first date.

The Guardian’s weekend editor:

And in a follow-up after the story blew up, Joanne assured all the anxious shippers that they’d continued to see each other and would be in a “full-time relationship” once she’d finished her pottery course. (Sure, babe, you focus on you first.)

So if you’re single – or even if you’re not – and you haven’t decided which energy you’re taking into 2019, consider “four negronis, losing your knickers at a random house party and making out heaps” as a strong option.

If your next date doesn’t have that energy, why even settle for less?

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