Bleats

Edgar Wright Just Casually Revealed Where The Whole Cornetto Thing Comes From

Want anything from the shop?

It’s now 15 years since the world’s first zom-rom-com, Shaun Of The Dead, premiered in London, marking the beginning of what would become the Blood & Ice-Cream Trilogy, AKA Three Colours Cornetto.

All three of Edgar Wright’s films Shaun, Hot Fuzz (2007) and The World’s End (2013) have something in common: they’re not only clever, extremely British genre pastiches starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, but also include an appearance from the delicious conical ice cream treat.

And now we know why.

It all started with the strawberry Cornetto Shaun fetches for Ed from the shop at the beginning of the movie…

…which Ed then eats as the extent of Britain’s zombie epidemic is revealed by the TV news.

Wright noted the anniversary and said that the afterparty was one of his favourite ones ever… partially because the Cornettos were flowing as free and fast as the booze.

So there you go. The “three colours” bit is a shout out to famous arthouse director Krzysztof Kieślowski – but the Cornetto part was literally just a cheap attempt at a snack-based scam.

It’s a perfectly cheeky backstory to one of the most iconic dessert-based running gags in cinema.

Gwyneth Paltrow's Ridiculous New Health Fad Is Making Your Most Basic Veg Super Exxy

It's the new avocado.

Step aside, avocado: there’s a new status vegetable in town eating into your house deposit savings.

The latest Goop-approved, Miranda Kerr-endorsed “”””health”””” drink is comprised of… celery juice. And nothing else.

 

The idea is that you start your day by drinking nearly half a litre of pure, fresh celery juice – literally an entire bunch’s worth – with nothing else added, and then your skin will clear, your crops will flourish, Mercury will exit its retrograde early and you’ll find a $50 note in your jeans pocket. (Which should all compensate for the constant diarrhoea, right?)

The fact that this “miracle tonic” is advocated by a guy who calls himself a “medical medium” who’s guided by “Spirit” and says celery-water can cure autoimmune diseases clearly hasn’t put off tens of thousands of people who are running to their nearest juice bar to order Big Gulps of the stuff.

As a result, the price of celery is up 300%.

As the Guardian reports, celery was usually solid at around $1 a kilo, but the price is now hitting $2.60/kg and even $3 when supplies start running low due to crop damage.

Previously, the most expensive celery can get is due to the waste of money that results from you virtuously buying half a bunch and then letting to rot to slime in your crisper while you order UberEats again.

And the most luxe thing about celery has been the urban myth that all the supermodels eat it because it’s “calorie neutral” i.e. that eating it takes more energy than it puts in. (Not true, btw.)

It definitely takes way too much work, and even in stick form, is a deeply inferior dipping implement to cucumber and carrot. It’s always the last one left. You know it’s true.

It’s an inherently s**t vegetable. Literally the only good way to prepare it is to dice it finely and mix it into a delicious, mayonnaise-heavy chicken salad sandwich filling for tiny green crunches.

It’s the only vegetable you can’t improve by grilling or roasting it. (Yes, you can grill lettuce.)

But now it’s a bougie status vegetable. So get ready to reallocate your smashed avo budget for celery juice tonics at your favourite cafe, and prepare yourself for Antoni to spend all of the next season of Queer Eye teaching people how to make celery guacamole or something.

A Genius Colorado Girl Scout Is Using Shirtless Jason Momoa And A Pun To Flog More Cookies

Tasty.

Jason Momoa can sell anything. He can make sexually aggressive prairie-dwelling horse-warlords in eyeliner sexy. He can turn the silliest DC superhero into the highest-grossing DC superhero movie ever. He can inspire mega-nerdy sex toys.

And if someone needs convincing to buy delicious caramel cookies, he can do that too.

A Girl Scout in Colorado and her marketer mother are flogging an awful lot of extra cookies thanks to a shirtless Jason pic stuck on the front of the box.

But it’s not just a cheap marketing ploy – there’s also a pun involved.

Charlotte Holmberg was already killing the game – in fact her sales were so high she had earned the rank of Top Cookie CEO, which is definitely a healthy way to reward achievement in this brutal capitalist society.

But she’s making extra bank off the thirsty neighbourhood mums who enjoy a snack and a snack.

The joke is, you see, that this popular flavour of GS cookies, a caramel and coconut ring, is called a Samoa for some reason.

Hence, Momoas.

Charlotte sold over 20 extra boxes of the special edition after she was on her local news.

“The moms are getting really excited and they’re saying that they need them,” Charlotte said.

Me, getting in line for biscuits.

In case you were wondering, Australian Girl Guides do not get to sell Samoas, Momoas, or even the Thin Mints you hear about on sitcoms. In fact, they don’t even have the chocolate-coated ones I used to eat by the packet out of the fundraising box so my mum had to buy them all.

They do, however, have a very nice-looking gluten-free shortbread.

Look, we’re not above a Momoa pun ourselves. So we say more biscuits, more puns, and more pecs for all.

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