Bleats

A Vain Criminal Sent Police A More Flattering Mugshot And Mate, It's Not That Good

A good self-image is key.

It’s good to feel confident and attractive in one’s own body, but as a rule it’s considered somewhat vain when you’re a criminal that sends police a more flattering photograph of oneself because you don’t care for your mugshot.

Especially when they’re engaged in your manhunt at the time.

A chap named Stephen Murphy is currently on the run in Lincolnshire after failing to show up in court earlier this month.

Unable to locate him, local police took to Facebook to ask if anyone knew his whereabouts, and ran his mugshot as part of said appeal.

However Murphy – who is reportedly also known as Jr V Murphy – took umbrage and what he felt wasn’t a true representation of his powerful sexfulness.

And so he sent the cops a selfie.

It was accompanied by the following instructions:

And if you get my name right and don’t put the worst picture of me on, when I’ve been up for three days in Boston cop shop, you might be able to find me. Post this, it’s better for you.

Stephen Murphy, style icon

And look, we need to have a little talk about his FaceTune game, because that shot is processed to hell. His hairline looks downright shopped, the contrast is all over the place – honestly, maybe sit down with a few tutorials and really get your tune-game honed before goading the police.

In any case, the real lesson for all of us is to ensure that when the police photograph you as part of an arrest, maybe give them three-to-five looks to work with before the shoot so you can get it right first time.

When Crashing Into Two Parked Cop Cars Is Not The Worst Part Of Your Day

Sometimes the job does itself.

Some days really don’t go to plan. And let’s be honest, few great days involve the phrase “crashing into a police car”, especially when said police car is parked outside a police station.

But if you’re driving past a cop shop wouldn’t you typically be extra-specially careful behind the wheel? And wouldn’t that be especially true if you happened to have, say, $200 million worth of ice in your van?

This bizarre turn of events is what has reportedly happened outside Eastwood police station on Sydney’s north in what Detective Chief Inspector Glyn Baker, described as “one of the easiest drug busts the NSW Police has ever made.”

Police stopped the vehicle in Ryde an hour after the crash and arrested a 26 year old man who has subsequently been charged with “large commercial drug supply, negligent driving, and not giving particulars to police.”

Note: it was stopped an hour later. That seems careless, when most folks experienced in the cop-crashing arts would likely suggest that such a vehicle might better be, say, empty and abandoned and on fire.

Anyway:

“This fellow… has certainly had a very, very bad day,” Chief Inspector Baker said to the Sydney Morning Herald, presumably while holding back giggles.

And possibly dances.

Still, let’s be honest: how many of us have had a day in which we can honestly say that colliding with a stationary police car outside of a cop shop was only the second or third worst thing that happened?

You Can Buy A Home For $11K In A Little Aussie Town, But How Comfy Are You With Murder?

Look, at least the neighbours are probably pretty quiet?

Property in Australia is both an Australian obsession and a national nightmare, with the dream of home ownership being little more than that for entire generations of Australians facing wage stagnation and the gig economy.

However, there is a place where someone with a pocketful of dreams and a few thousand bucks can start that dizzying ride that is owning property. Heck, a laundromat just went for eleven thousand dollars and even the largest homes are going for under a hundred K!

There is one teeny tiny little problem though.

it’s a fixer-upper!

Said properties are in Snowtown. Yes, that Snowtown.

Snowtown is known for two things: the 1999 Bodies in the Barrels murders, and the 2011 movie about the Bodies in the Barrel murders.

The details… look, they’re not great. You can look them up if you want.

That said, the murders are not the reason local property prices are so crazy low, though.

For one thing, they happened 20 years ago and, if anything, would be a bit of a draw. Indeed, the bank vault in which said bodies were entombed was successfully sold to a couple who’ve reportedly turned it into a nice if presumably very haunted home.

The issue is that Snowtown is a long way from the nearest big city, Adelaide – 145 km, to be specific – which makes it an unattractive commute for most workers.

Still, if you have the cash and don’t mind a long, flat drive to the nearest everything, dreams CAN come true!

#Trending

Show More Show Less

Follow Us