Alright, here we go. This morning I learned that the only thing Rob Lowe does around the house is water the Christmas Tree with 7UP, and I’ve been mad about it all day.
So Rob Lowe was interviewed by Ellen, which I must admit was less awkward than her recent interview with Dakota Johnson, so that’s a plus. Not that it would be difficult to have a less awkward interview, but anyway.
While the two were chatting away, Lowe’s son John Owen was Tweeting his opinions from backstage, and basically just trolling his dad the entire time. He was pretty funny, but that’s not what caught my attention. While talking about Christmas and how to take care of the family Christmas tree, things took a wild turn.
“I have an obsession. You know me – I’m not really involved in the house, I live in the house, I love the house, but that’s Sheryl‘s domain, but when it comes to the Christmas tree, I am all over it. I’m obsessed with it drying out too soon.”
And in case he didn’t already look like a muppet, John Owen backed him up by tweeting “It’s the only thing he’s ever done around the house,” which Rob then agreed with.
So here I am, annoyed about the fact that this guy is willing to go on Ellen and laugh about the fact that he does jack shit around the house except water the Christmas tree, and then it gets worse.
What does he water his tree with, I hear you ask? “It’s half 7UP, half water. I am obsessed with this. This is all I care about during the holidays.”
… excuse me?
Imagine for a minute that you’re Rob’s wife, Sheryl Berkoff. You’re looking after the place, and the only contribution you get from your husband is that once a year, he pours fizzy drink on a tree?
I’m positive they’re rich enough to hire cleaners by the way, but someone still has to do the washing up in the evening. Cleaners need to go home too.
Imagine the sticky clean up and the bugs that would come to drink the 7UP. Imagine scrubbing the residue off the floor while everyone else was watching Christmas movies.
This is the hill I’ve decided to die on. Rob Lowe needs to learn how to use a goddamn broom and stop pouring drink all over the house, preferably before every insect in the country goes to hang out on his sugar tree. Although let’s be real, they’re probably already there.