We here at GOAT don’t agree on too much but we’re all in agreement on one particular thing from now until the end of time: Chris Pratt occupies the bottom of the “Best Chris” list and will remain there indefinitely.
Sure he may have won hearts as Peter “Star-Lord” Quill in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies and… whoever he plays in those god awful Jurassic World films, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that he attends a Hillsong-eqsue church that’s not particularly accepting of LGBTQI+ folks.
Throw in his love of preaching like a second-rate youth pastor on late night talk shows and his tone-deaf response after being called out for his involvement in the aforementioned church, it’s not hard to see why Pratt is a bit of a, well, prat.
Well folks, just when you think Chris Pratt couldn’t sink any lower on the “Best Chris” list, he’s somehow figured out a way.
The former “Best Chris” ranking topper posted a poem he “found” onto Instagram that’s pretty questionable in its content because it’s all about “ding-dongs” on the left and right and how everyone should stay united under the veil of “God.”
Plus the poem is pretty crappy – Chernobyl is used as some metaphor for anger in politics for Pete’s sake – so Pratt’s taste in poetry also deserves scrutiny.
Perhaps Pratt is just trying to preach a message of unity and world peace but this poem probably isn’t the best way to do it.
The poem just shows how ignorant Pratt is of what’s going on in the world and how he doesn’t seem to understand how detrimental it is to give one side the benefit of the doubt when its clear they’re wrong.
If there’s one thing we don’t need in 2019, it’s someone like Pratt with a worrying amount of cultural clout sprouting more of this “both sides” bullcrap while preaching how God will save us all.
Since Chris Pratt has officially bottomed out even further on the “Best Chris” list, the only appropriate action to take is to distance him further from the top.
From henceforth, we hereby include Chris O’Dowd and Chris Lowell on the “Best Chris” list, and regulate Pratt from his previous ranking of fifth to rock bottom at seventh.